Saturday, June 24, 2017

When Dolls Meet Action Figures

    Mattel (they're swell) may want to reconsider their redesign of Barbie's "boy toy," Ken, into a wildly diverse collection of androgyny.  The spindly-legged girlie doll may not fare so well when "he" comes up against action figures...



"Hey, are those guys who I think they are?"
"They look like GI Joes."
"Gulp...I think they are."
"AND THEY HAVE KUNG FU GRIP!!!"

"DAMN you permanent smile....
SAFE SPACE! SAFE SPACE!!!"

"You twinkies better vamoose before we snap you like bread sticks!
Our beards may be glued-on, but we've got scars, plastic muscles,
a black guy, and someone who looks Asian.  Whadda you have?
Man buns and a Rachel Maddow lookalike.
Now, beat it!" 
"If it's all the same to you, Kens, we're going with the Joes.
They're dreamy!"

"Okay, Joes, we're ready!!"

"What the f...looks like my kung fu grip will come in handy, after all."

Epilogue....

"Sigh...maybe they'll let me guest host on The View."

15 comments:

  1. Kung fu grip. Most of us guys have developed that at some point in our young lives. If the made things more anatomically correct they could enhance the sex education kids don't seem to be getting these days.

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  2. Now...Ken may know what Kung Fu grip is I. Prison... just saying. I think when he feels the Kung Fu Grip, he no longer has no reason for Barbie but Joe on the other hand...oops, wrong choice of words

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  3. Ken would be lucky to get limp grip. Go Joes!

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  4. GI Joe might start wishing for a female GI Joe instead.

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  5. all he needs is a vape and a fidget spinner

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  6. Ken and Barbie are the reason I was confused about certain parts of male and female anatomy.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Try Googling "Naked Ken Doll" and "Naked Barbie Doll."
      It's horrifying. The things I do for my art.

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  7. G.I.Joe with a man bun? What is this world coming to?

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  8. I remember seeing this the other day and just thought it was baffling. I don't know any kids that even still buy these dolls, but at the same time it's just such a weird choice.

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  9. This was moderately disturbing, but the good kind. Nowhere near as disturbing as Man Bun Ken, which was definitely the bad kind of disturbing. Why would someone make that?

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  10. The Kung Fu Grip soldier went Full Retard. The nekkid Barbie doll could use his beard as a merkin.

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  11. It'll be interesting to see in about ten years if kids get nostalgic for these toys.

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  12. Al, is that Black one --- no, wait, it kinda looks like...Coleman. But bigger and stronger. Yikes.

    Talk about unrealistic - all those Barbies have their legs closed / close together. Puhlease - they ain't virgins.

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