Monday, February 29, 2016

Captain Caption LXXXVI

"Boy, son, how great would it be if Fat Ass gets elected? 
 Then, I could move back into the White House and...hey!  
Get a load of the jugs on that hottie in the front row!"

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Uh Oh




    My friends (good grief, I sound like John McCain), especially those of you who aren't American, let me tell you I honestly believe my country is in a bad place.  

    I also believe the world is in a bad place.  

    Injustice breeds fear.  Fear breeds anger.  Anger mixed with fear (with a touch of hate) breeds frightful demagoguery.  When people are afraid, they will be seduced by the siren song of a madman who tells them he will fix everything.  He assures them that other people are responsible for their misery.
"The Dark Side, you must not forget the Dark Side."

"ENOUGH, already with the Dark Side!
You effin' muppet!"
    We have seen this before.  I will not insult your intelligence by pointing out parallels in history with what is going on today.

    I understand their frustration with the cock-up that is Washington.

    But, Donald Trump is not the answer.

    You can watch the entire video (hey, I attached it), but if you have a life and prefer not to, let me point out what I feel are the most chilling comments (at around 3:01):

    "Now we're going to get greedy for the United States.  We're going to grab and grab and grab."

    Wait the...WTF?

    I have been told that this is politics, that this is Trumptalk.

    Maybe so.

    But, words have consequences in London, Ontario, Paris, Mexico City, Beijing, and Moscow.

    Remember that fear part?  Yeah, talk of "grab and grab and grab" stokes fear.  And maybe a nuke going off over Kansas.

    At the very least, irresponsible bombast like this will be broadcast globally EVERY SINGLE TIME the United States does something which may indeed be in its national interest.

    My international friends (there's the John McCain thing again), I do NOT support this crazy person.
"Excuse me, Wolf?  I was mentioned.
I'd like to respond."

    NOTE:  Neither Grandma nor Crazy Bernie are the answer, either.  Those of you who support either of those two?  Let's get back together at the end of the summer.

"Don't forget.  If I get in, that'll make three!"

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Time Flies

 
Like last years.
But for 2016!
   It seemed like yesterday we were enjoying the A to Z Challenge, doesn't it?  We read each other's blogs, commented on a few, welcomed new followers, and laughed and laughed and laughed. At my prom pictures.
Yeah, this one is kinda horrifying, too.
    Well, wouldn't you know it, it's almost time for another go-round.  This one, the seventh annual such blogfest, is called the 2016 A to Z Challenge (which, I would think, makes sense).

    The brainchild of Arlee Bird, this will be the seventh (already covered) chance for us all to slave away for 26 days in April to provide the unsuspecting with riveting, educational, humorous, or revolting posts which circulate around the letters of the alphabet.  The English alphabet.  I have no idea about the Cyrillic alphabet.  And you can just frikkin' forget about the Chinese alphabet.
"Yeah, ha, ha, raff it up funny man.
Soon we own your ass."

    "But, golly, Al, doesn't April have 30 days?"

    Well, I can see you paid attention in school. The reason that we're going with 26 posts is...well, just sign up at Blogging From A to Z Challenge and find out.  I mean, I could tell you the rules here, but I'd just as soon post one of my favorite pictures.
Christian Bale and Gary Coleman with  big thighs.
What's not to love?
    You can adopt a theme throughout the month of April or you can
"Nothing unfortunate there."
just free ball it (ooh, that's an unfortunate term right there).  I haven't made my mind up yet.  Last year, I wrote 26 haikus.  Great fun, but I want to do something different.  In the past, I adopted a "History" theme (trust me, it's not like I wrote anything which could be used to take a History placement exam).  I've also "winged it."  This is a lot like I normally do business.  Except I'm constrained to a specific letter for a specific day (e.g. 'A' for April 1st.  And so on.  I wouldn't know any more than that unless I wrote it down).


"Whatever he decides, I hope he includes us.
Now, how 'bout I work on those glutes?"
    Hurry now because space is limited*!  There's already 809 sign-ups so add your name on the list.  I'm there somewhere.  You'd think I would have written my number down, but noooooo.

    So go ahead and play the game.  You'll get a chance to meet a lot of great people, some of whom may actually want to have anything to do with you.  For instance, if you're reading this, you're already part of Penwasser Place.  Well, lucky you!

*Yeah, that's a lie.  Everyone is welcome.  Hey, they let me in.

Gary Coleman could not be reached for comment.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Captain Caption LXXXV

Wracked by jealousy over the adulation given to Lady Gaga for her Super Bowl performance, Madonna announces her comeback tour for Summer 2016.
Or whenever she gets up.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

I'm a WHAT!?

    In what I'm sure is no surprise to those who are convinced I have significant mental issues, I have two Facebook accounts. 
"I think that makes him two-faced."
    Obviously (?) I have one as 'Al Penwasser.'  I also have one starring my alter-ego (actually, I'm his alter ego).  
He's a hottie, too.
   
     If you're on Blogger, you may know this.  Quite a few of you do.  

    The differences between the two (however slight) is that the 'Al Penwasser' FB account is a little edgier, a little more serious (like I said, though...slight).  The account under my real name is usually just random silliness.  Usually.  In fact, a case could be made that it's more like Penwasser Place.

"Bob Dole usually likes those.
Especially when he talks about Bob Dole taking boner pills.  

Because...Bob Dole."
You know.  Like this.
    I try not to initiate serious posts.  Sometimes I will.  Most times I don't.  But, I will comment on someone else's posts, especially if what they have to say is factually wrong or hateful (by the way, I love skewering haters).  Many times, I employ my "Snark Cannon" against "Intolerance Bombs."

    Because...I am an unapologetic smart ass.


"OMIGOD! OMIGOD! OMIGOD!
He said 'ass'!"
    Anyway, I commented on a friend's post this weekend.  I'm not going to recount the entire discussion because that's Facebook, not Blogger.  Not only do I wish to avoid those kind of things here, but I don't feel like typing it.  My two fingers can only do so much.


"BUT, I'VE GOT ONE FINGER WHICH CAN DO A WHOLE LOT!!"
    Robyn, you know which comment string I'm talking about.

    I felt my comment was reasonable.  Apparently, though, it lacked appropriate venom.  Therefore, I was accused of being a liberal.


I have my suspicions who this person supported.
    Yeah, huh, how about that?

    There is nothing wrong with being a liberal.  Liberals believe in the inherent goodness of man and see government as the obvious answer to effect change.  I believe in the inherent "A-Holeness" of man (NOTE: Not a real word.  Although, it should be) and that government should butt the eff out of my life.  And I never stop calling him the "POSUS."
  
"Boy, you can say that again."

    So, we're at opposite ends of the spectrum.  We think the other side is wrong.  But, I don't think one side or the other holds all the answers.  Friends don't think friends are morons.


Except Doug.
I think we can all agree that Doug is a dumbass.
    I just believe in discussion and a-what I hope-a reasonable agreement on how to best live our lives.  If that makes me a liberal, well, can't help that.  I just cannot abide by venomous zealotry from either side.

    Maybe I'm kind of a conservative liberal.  That doesn't mean I'm playing for the other team, though.
"Eff."
    Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have an argument with myself on Facebook.

Monday, February 15, 2016

Captain Caption LXXXIV

"And then, on Tuesday, in honor of Presidents Day, you can come
 to school dressed as your favorite presid...no, Jimmy, you may not
wear your Bill Clinton costume again.
Mrs. Kresge is still complaining how you
showed up last year during girls' gym class with no pants."

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Things Are Heating Up At Work

Someone's getting mighty possessive.

Although it probably would have been better
if his kids got him a tie or bottle of Old Spice.

Monday, February 8, 2016

Captain Caption LXXXIII

"Listen, I KNOW IT'S COLD OUT!
You people don't need to keep pawing my chest
just to find out how much!"

Friday, February 5, 2016

Times Are Tough

Apparently, the paper cup budget at work has been slashed.

The struggle is real

Monday, February 1, 2016

Captain Caption LXXXII



"Let me be clear.  This morning, as we begin the process to deny
 Hillary Rodham Clinton the Democratic nomination, I want to thank
 Al Penwasser for including me in his delightfully outrageous
  Captain Caption.  I consider it a great honor."

"Oh, yeah?  Not so much.  Al Penwasser and his
obnoxious Captain Captions have done
nothing to enric...hey, you gonna eat that?"


"MAKE AMERICA GREAT!
MUSLIMS, WETBACKS, BIMBOS, MEXICO,
CHINA, DEALS, PROSTATE EXAMS! I CAN DO IT!
BELIEVE ME!"