Friday, November 4, 2016

Party Animal

"Hey, you gonna eat those eggs?"
You never know who you'll run into after last call
    A few weeks ago (since I'm writing this on October 25th, it was actually last week...delayed posts are awesome!), I decided to treat Mrs. Penwasser to the ultimate in white people entertainment. 

    Yes, Bingo at the local community college. That's how far we've sunk since entering middle age.  You know, it wasn't all that long ago that we were rocking the night away until last call tossed us out into the streets, in search of an open Denny's.  Which never closed. 


This Bingo game featured "daubers" instead of tiddly-winks.
Mrs. Penwasser didn't think it was funny when I "daubed"
my forehead and asked if I won an ice cream parlor, 7-Eleven, or gas station.
    However, as we inexorably lumber through our 50s (she's several years behind me), we figured it best that, if we go out at all, we go somewhere which can get us home in time for the 10 o'clock news.  And in bed, asleep (we're not Hollywood people, you know) shortly thereafter.

    Plus, who knows?  Maybe we could actually win something.  I would have even settled for those two radio-controlled racecars or maybe even that Bed, Bath, and Beyond gift basket.  Even though I would have preferred the orthopedic sock/liniment variety pack.  Or that tabletop rod hockey game.  Don't judge me.


"No, not funny.  Not funny at all, Mr. Smart-Ass Penwasser Son of Bitch!
Cash or credit?"

    Alas, even though we forked out $40 (FORTY DOLLARS!!!  FOR FRIKKIN' BINGO!!) for enough bingo sheets to build a bonfire with, we didn't win a single doorprize.  You see, the Penwasser Luck wouldn't even win a single man lottery.

    It wasn't a total loss, however.  I was able to get a stale salted pretzel for free.  I guess the girls behind the counter felt sorry for the little dude who wore white socks with sandals.

    But, as bad as our evening went, it was nothing compared to the fuss one guy made when he didn 't win a single game.  Pretty pathetic, really.  

    Hell, I would have shared my pretzel with him, at least.


"Believe me, I've played many, many wonderful Bingo games in my life.  My many fabulous businesses, all of which are incredibly successful, by the way, except the ones which aren't, routinely offer Bingo games alongside the craps tables and genital grabbing booths.  They are all staffed by the most outstanding hombres you could ever meet.  This Bingo game, on the other hand, is a disgraceful mess.  The worst possible example of the very worst that Bingo can offer, if I can be frank.  In fact, I must say, I must say, this Bingo game was clearly rigged!"

23 comments:

  1. I just had an idea that you're a ventriloquist and Trump is your dummy. Are there booby prizes in Bingo? The Donald would be a perfect one.

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    1. Trump and dummy...in the same sentence. That's YUGE!!!!

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  3. It's nice to see the old folk go out once in awhile. This sounds like my annual outing to the basket raffle, which is coming up soon. I should start getting ready.

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    1. As long as I'm in bed by nine, I'm really cool with it.

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  4. My mum used to go to bingo all the time. I'm actually not too sure why she stopped going. I guess she got tired of losing. If you had some fun then $40 could still be money well spent.

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    1. Casinos would be better. They at least have all-you-can-eat buffet bars.

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  5. I was betting you'd be the one to yell bingo and piss everyone off when you really didn't have it. So disappointed lol

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    1. I would have, but those blue-haired ladies can be pretty tough when you do that.

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  6. When we reach bingo age I can say with absolute certainty that my wife & I won't be playing. We don't want to go out in our 30's, we're sure as hell not going out in our 50's/60's.

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    1. But, think of all the wonderful prizes you won't win!

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  7. My wife brings me to the library bingo with all the old people. Luckily it's all free. You get one sheet, that's it

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    1. Whenever I complain about old people, it's depressing to know that I now AM an old people.

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  8. I'm not going out for Bingo either. My mother used to drag me along when I was little. I came home smelling like I'd rolled in an ash tray.

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    1. My father used to drag me fishing for eels. Probably had the same psychological impact.

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  9. I've only played BINGO a few times and never won anything.

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  10. When I was in high school, the band director, more than anything, wanted to get a bingo game going as a fundraiser. It didn't happen while I was there.

    Sorry for your awful luck.

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  11. I am not a bingo player, can't see the point but that is just me I know many people do like bingo but really what is the bloody point.

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    1. It's the chance of winning those sweet radio controlled cars.

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  12. I have never played Bingo except the scratch tickets but I have had clients who used to go and one who worked there. She told me how one lady brought all her troll dolls and lined them up. When my client stroked the hair of one, the woman went all nuts on her and said she was destroying her luck. I believe that troll and the hair ha seen based on Trump.

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    1. When I see troll dolls, I think of Kim Jong-Il.
      Trump works, too.

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