Thursday, August 11, 2016

Today's Olympic Moment


Mr. Hankey
Official Mascot of the 2016 Summer Games

   The team from Detroit cleaned up at the 2016 Summer Games' newest event, Strong Arm Robbery, having secured the gold, silver, and bronze medals. 

Unfortunately, they were mugged by the
squad from Newark at the Awards Ceremony.

    In related news, Team Baltimore is sure to be a heavy favorite in Synchronized Drugstore Arson.
This is despite what's sure to be stiff competion from the youngsters of Ferguson.
Who are also competing in Freestyle Vietnamese Shopowner Assault.
    Finally, the International Olympic Committee has announced a new medal for those swimmers competing in Rio's Harbor.  In addition to complimentary tetanus shots, all winners will receive the new Brown Medals.
"Hey, how come that fish isn't moving?  
And why is it covered in corn?"


Okay, I'll save you the trouble...
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Hey, look at it this way, it could be worse.

"These Olympics are disgraceful, that I can tell you.  And whoever thought competing in water was a good idea, anyway?  Frankly, water polo is one of the dumbest ideas ever thought of.  After all, think of all the drowned horses.  Terrible, just terrible.  If I was allowed to run the games, you'd see the most beautiful, tasteful level of competition not seen since I was on Dancing With the Stars.  Wait.  I wasn't on Dancing With the Stars?  I should have been, let me tell you, because, frankly, I'd be the most wonderful dancer you would ever see.  Some people would say I'd be better than any handicapped guy.  Not me, you understand.  But, some people would make the terrible statement that handicapped people can't dance.  And cycling?  Who'd ever think, in today's day of the automobile, that anyone would ever to ride bikes anymore?  Except Dominican pizza delivery boys.  Whom I love, by the way.  Plus stupid people.  I will be keeping my eye on the Mexican pole-vaulting team, though.  They're probably awesome.  Probably awesome.  But, no Muslims, that I can tell you.  They'd probably be good at grenade tossing.  The best.
CHINA!!!"  

25 comments:

  1. He'd win for the most run on sentence ever. Isn't their poo green though? So slimy the water is turning.

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    Replies
    1. Just hope nobody strikes a match around it.

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  2. I got tired just reading that last paragraph.
    Green pool water. Just disgusting.

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    Replies
    1. I saw that picture of (I think) the diving pool. Good grief!

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  3. I haven't actually heard any of Trump's speeches but my understanding is you did a great job replicating one. If America does get to host the Olympics you can just recycle the jokes about the 2012 London Olympics. Instead of "The athletes won't know if the gun shot they heard came from the starting pistol or from a gangland shooting" you have "the athletes won't know if the gun shot they heard came from the starting pistol or the local high school."

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    Replies
    1. Donald Trump.
      I hope he never goes away. The stuff just writes itself.

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  4. Honestly, I could see Trump saying all that word for word. In addition to the complimentary tetanus shots, they should all get a free Silkwood shower as well.

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    Replies
    1. Or full body condoms when they dive in.

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  5. Did Mr Hanky jump out of Trump's mouth?

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  6. this post is funny but sad due to being entirely true
    Worthy of a sigh from me

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  7. I'm surprised DT wasn't worried about Mexican pole vaulters using their skills to jump over that wall he plans on building.

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    Replies
    1. He wants to gauge their skills to see how big he needs to build the thing.

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  8. No pictures of women's volleyball?

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  9. Ah well. It wouldn't be the Olympics if something wasn't going wrong...

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    Replies
    1. And then we have the winter games to look forward to.
      In other words, Curling (aka "Canadians With Brooms Pushing Rocks On Ice").

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  10. This is going to be such a long three months until the election, isn't it? I'm starting to believe the rumors that Trump is in it for Hilary to win. He's just that "open mouth, insert Mr. Hanky"

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    Replies
    1. It is going to be brutal. All we can do is laugh.

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  11. I could see Trump saying all of that. You've got him pegged!

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    Replies
    1. Making fun of him is like shooting orange fish in a barrel.

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  12. Ahhhh yes...I wonder if any of these swimmers will develop a third eye? I heard a kayaker or rower ran into a couch!

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  13. Mr. Hankey as the official mascot, is an instant classic. Can't wait to use it. (giving you full credit of course)

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