Sunday, August 14, 2016

Oh Such Shameless Commercialism!

   It's Sunday evening, it's still in the 80s outside, and there's really nothing much on television (besides Freestyle Harbor Trout Slalom LIVE from the Rio Olympics!  So, I figured why not take this opportunity to hawk my newest book, Fifty Shades of Penwasser?  A short work (much like myself), it's a collection of 49 retreads and 1 new essay (making FIFTY TOTAL! Yay, common core).

    Only $5.95 (and $1.99 on Kindle), you could spend your money on worthwhile worse things.  So, why not pony up a few bucks, mosey (or amble or even sashay...I won't judge) to amazon.com and order yourself a copy while millions remain unsold.
Just make sure you type in the entire title.
Because, if you just enter 'Fifty Shades,' goodness knows what you'll get.

"Shoot.  I know what you'll get."


Meanwhile, in Australia...

"80 degrees at night?
Cry me a bloody river, mate."

25 comments:

  1. That's quite a sales pitch. Have you ever considered a career in the church? Put on a dog collar and you could easily have people kneeling before you. Some of them chicks...

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  2. Congrats on getting the new book out Al. I hope it goes well and that it isn't given 1 star reviews by disappointed housewives.

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  3. That is the best marketing I have seen! Congrats on the book!

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    1. Thanks! I'm going to start a weekly kind of thing called "The Wrath of Ken." Practice, practice. Before you know it, I'll still be cleaning toilets. But, I'll be on You Tube.

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  4. lmao one of the best sales videos I've seen. "Special" effects and all.

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  5. So, I can really throw your book at seagulls to get them away from my cheese fries? And it works? Cool!

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    Replies
    1. I hate those things.
      Seagulls, not cheese fries.

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  6. is it available in Portuguese?

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    Replies
    1. Ya know, I never checked.
      It'd be a hoot if it was though.

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  7. You're quite the pitchman, and marketing, I hear, is everything when it comes to selling books.

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  8. Well done, sir. Hawk away and color me intrigued by the poor man's Dave Barry. And btw, as long as you don't ever get one of those wienerish bowl-cuts he likes to sport, you'll always be the #1 Dave Barry in MY heart.

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    Replies
    1. I actually do refer to myself as a Poor Man's Dave Barry.
      "If You Can't Afford Dave, You Can Afford Me!"
      Of course, he's talented.

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  9. Ok not sure about where my mind was...or maybe I am sure but when you wrote "pony up" my mind read, porn up:) I think it is all well to showcase your book.

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    1. Porn?
      Where? WHERE??
      Sorry. I was channeling my inner Bill Clinton.

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  10. I'm still not buying your fuckin' books Penwusser because you don't hire me to edit them so they can't possibly be worth reading.

    Love,
    Janie
    XOXO

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    Replies
    1. Cheap and probably not terribly talented.
      This is why I clean toilets five days a week.

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  11. Replies
    1. Was it the kangaroos?
      Incidentally, it's bloody hot here.

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  12. It would be really cool if you had a button that would speed your video up to 78 rpm...

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    1. Ideas, ideas....
      You'll be seeing more of these...

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  13. One of the more entertaining shameless plugs I've seen.

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  14. Your salesmanship has evidently worked, I'm going to opt for the Kindle version. I'm glad you're not selling cars...

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    Replies
    1. A friend of mine prefers Kindle. And at $1.99, sounds like good throw-away reading to me.

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