Monday, August 8, 2016

Art Imitates Life and I Imitate Art

    A friend on Facebook (hey, I have friends.  They don't come
"You can take a reservation.
You just can't hold a reservation."
cheap, though) related a story about the incompetence of a car rental agency while on vacation.      

    Apparently, they gave her car away, despite she having made a reservation.  It reminded her of an incident on Seinfeld.  If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and look for it on You Tube.  It's pretty funny.

    It also reminded me of an experience I had many years ago while serving as a designated driver for a bunch of drunks (hence the need for a designated driver.  I would think that was obvious).  

    Which also reminded me of the Cheese Shop sketch from Monty Python.  In fact, it reminded me so much that I even used one of the lines from that particular segment.

"We call that plagiarism where I come from, squire."
    Anyway, after closing time, we (well, they) decided to go to the drive-thru at the Auburn, Maine Dunkin' Donuts.  The conversation went pretty much like this:

Them:  Good evening...tee hee...good morning.  Welcome to the Auburn Dunkin' Donuts.  May I take your order?

Me:  Yes, thank you.  I'd like four black coffees with half a dozen glazed donuts, please.

Them:  We're out of glazed, sorry.

Me:  Okay, no worries.  Boston Creme then.

Them:  Ran out this evening, sir.

Me:  Hmmm....jelly?

Them:  Making them now.

Me:  Coconut?

Them:  Uh, not this morning.

Me:  Chocolate frosted?

Them:  No, sir.

Me:  Sprinkles?

Them:  Rainbow?

Me:  Yes.

Them:  Not this morning, sir.

Me:  Alright, I'll have chocolate then.

Them:  No chocolate, either.

Me:  Then why did you ask?

Them:  Wanted to make sure, sir.

Me:  I see.  Butterscotch?

Them:  Did you say butterscotch?

Me:  I did.

Them:  No, sir.

Me:  Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.............powdered sugar?

Them:  A gentleman from New Jersey just bought our last dozen, sir.

Me:  Let me ask you.  Do you, in fact, have any doughnuts at all?

Them:  Of course, sir, we're a doughnut shop.  We have fresh bran muffins tonight.

Me:  Well, those aren't doughnuts then, are they?


    I would have kept up the debate, but I needed to hose out my back seat.  I'm thinking a round of tequila shots at last call wasn't such a hot idea.
"Boy, am I glad I got there before all the drunks did."



  1. The funny thing about the cheese shop sketch is that the customer REFUSES to let the shop assistant tell him what types of cheeses are in stock. He's such prat (asshole) that he has to show off his knowledge by listing them all. You only got half way there, which makes you a lesser prat.

    1. Absolutely. I didn't ask if they sold any Venezuelan Beaver Crullers, though.

  2. It would only be plagiarism if your incident occurred in a cheese shop too. At least, that's how I think these things work.

    1. Whew! I'll tell that lawyer to never mind.

  3. lol that is why. A doughnut shop with no doughnuts brought on the spelling of donuts. Why? Because when doughnuts run out they do nuts.....take that for what you will.

    1. It was one of the weirdest drive-thru experiences of my life.

  4. My God, that really is the Cheese Shop all over again!
    I bet they were really out of muffins as well.

    1. I was IMMEDIATELY reminded of it! This happened in 1990 or so.

  5. very funny all around. Maybe they had donut holes - they just couldn't see 'em

  6. Incompetence seems to be monopolizing the world these days, Al. This reminds me of when I called for help with my PayPal account. the second person I spoke with (after, you know, the first couldn't help me, so she sent me to a tech specialist who was going to definitely help), said she couldn't see my account and I should maybe just clear my cookies. I ate all my cookies, gosh darnit. Now I just want donuts. Maybe a person needs to get donuts at a pizza parlor.

    1. Cookies, donuts, pizza...
      Time to get hither to the Dairy Queen, methinks!

  7. Talk about that "Keeps ya guessing" service...

  8. Did they watch the same Python sketch? This is so amazing that you went through something so similar...did you get a gun and shoot him? :)

  9. It's not plagiarism when reality mimics a Monty Python sketch. It's a homage...

  10. Ordered a BLT once that came with only one piece of bacon in it. when I asked why there was only ONE piece of bacon in it their reply was, "Ran out of bacon". RAN OUT? And why did you sell me a BLT? This happened in the beautiful little town of Bureau Jct., Illinois

  11. I have almost an opposite story. I was taking Donuts to some boy scouts working on an Eagle Scout project. I drove up to the speaker and asked for a dozen donuts; mix them up, I added.

    The lady proceeded to say that there was one problem: they were out of donuts. I asked if they had anything left at all and she responded with a list of about 30 different kinds of doughnuts that were still available. With the necessary amount of snark, I commented "that sounds like donuts to me."

    She was not amused. But her grasp of reality was flimsy, at best.

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