Saturday, April 23, 2016

'T' is for 'Trump'


     I have an announcement to make.  After thoughtful, careful consideration I have decided who I'm going to endorse.
    
"I hope, I hope, I hope."

    No, not for president of the United States.  



    Good grief, they all suck this time around.  Thank goodness I won't have to make my mind up until November.  Even then, I may not even know.  For Pete's sake, we have to get through the rest of the challenge, my daughter needs to graduate from college, I'm taking her on a trip to Florida (she's considering moving there), there's the annual Penwasser Camping Trip this summer, and I have plenty of beer to drink (uh...those last two may be related).
   
"Sure hope the little A-Hole gets off my back, though."

       What I'm talking about is who I'm going to endorse as the main object of my comedic (or at least what I consider comedic) jabs.  
    
Mr. Coleman could not be reached for comment.
    There are plenty of contenders, some of whom are still alive.  And some of them will continue to make regular appearances here at Penwasser Place.  

    But, one character above all will get the lion's share of my attacks.  At least until thermonuclear war.  Which may happen quicker than anyone thinks.  Who is that person, you may ask?  Seriously, you couldn't figure that out by the title?
    
    It's none other than the leading Republican candidate for president, Donald J. Trump.
    
"Because Bush, Rubio, Christie, Carson, Paul, Fiorina, and,
truth be told, Monica Lewinsky.  They all suck, believe me."
"You want to talk YUGE!?"
    True, the man scares the pants off me.  And me without britches is terrifying.




    Giving him access to nuclear weapons would be a huge (excuse me...YUGE...see how easy this is going to be?) mistake.

    Unfortunately, the alternatives, Grandma and Crazy Bernie, aren't attractive, either.  I will say this about Sanders, something I've said before.  While he may be nuts, the Socialist from Vermont is at least honest.
    
    That being said, Trump is to comedy what a Dunkin' Donuts on
"There's a thought."
every street corner is to Chris Christie:  a goldmine.

    
    Needless to say, you'll be seeing the orange baboon (thanks, Robyn for the term!) quite a bit here, most notably on Captain Caption.  Of course, I'll mix things up with other targets, but 'The Donald" will be pretty prominent.
    
    At least until the apocalypse.


"And it's going to be the biggest apocalypse you can imagine, believe me!
And Mexico will pay for it, that I can tell you!
Frankly, no one is better prepared to end the world than I and you know what?
People will die because I tell them to.  MUSLIMS!"
"No, no, I'm terring you.  Orange guy much crazier."

27 comments:

  1. If only they all weren't the worst candidate. What's up with that?

    Cherdo
    Cherdo on the Flipside
    "Favorite Characters, Favorite Lines" on the A-to-Z Challenge 2016

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  2. My writing group meets outside. One Sunday, there was this huge (sorry, yuge) junebug that kept flying in our faces. It wouldn't go away, even though we kept swatting at it. Someone named it Donald...

    Liz A. from
    Laws of Gravity

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    1. Did you notice the size of its hands?

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  3. The latest thing I heard is that he's trying to act modestly and demurely in that hope that his detractors will forget what a bohunkus he is. Do you think it will work?

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    Replies
    1. No, on both counts.
      Then again, a lot of Anericans are profoundly stupid.

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  4. All of them are nuts or lying idiots or both indeed. Good luck picking. If Trump wins we're all screwed. At least he won't have to worry about a hillbilly shooting him though, they are all the votes he got.

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    1. First time in my life I ever thought if a Republican won, we'd be screwed,

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  5. In the Game of Thrones story, it's possible somebody will use the horn of winter to destroy the Wall. The Night's Watch will elect Donald of House Trump to be the new Lord Commander. He'll build a new wall and it will be luxurious. And he'll make the White Walkers pay for it.


    To be serious, Donald Trump may be the most unelectable candidate in history. My dog could be the democratic nominee and win against Trump.

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    Replies
    1. You'd be amazed though at the people who KNOW he has a chance,
      Trump's like an atheist. He doesn't have a prayer.

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  6. Orange is the new crazy. I'd laugh more, if it all was not so terrifying. I am guessing your Y word will be YUGE. Cheers to the weekend. Pass me a beer please

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    Replies
    1. All we can do is laugh. It's embarrassing, really.
      Nice guess, but 'Y' is 'Y2K,'

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  7. I take small comfort in the knowledge that neither Trump nor Cruz could get anything through Congress so both would be very ineffectual leaders.

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    1. That's all we can hope for. Then again, Executive Orders. Barry has set a precedent,
      Moot point, though. Democrats win.

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  8. Cruz should use this in one of his dumbass "a vote for Kasich is a vote for Trump" ads here in Indiana: Vote for Cruz! Keep Al's pants on!

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    1. "A Vote For Kasich is Pantsed Penwasser"
      I like it.

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  9. My timing is best when I'm delayed and can read CW's comment. Between the two of you, I'm entertained for a whole weekend or minute. Oops, that's what she said. Thanks for credit for the "orange baboon," Al. And for mentioning that Bernie's an honest one. I know you slipped it in there for me, and I appreciate it. Oops, that's what she said.

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    Replies
    1. I did (but I also think it's true). Bernie us the only one who doesn't provoke visceral repulsion in me.
      Probably wouldn't be a good campaign slogan, but there you are.

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  10. My brother-in-law mentioned yesterday that Prince's last gift to us was 24 hours without Donald Trump coverage.

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  11. I didn't think things could get worse, but they just keep doing so. Thanks for the entertainment, you're right laughing is all we've got! This will be one heavily watched election. I doubt anyone sleeps that night - the world over!

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    Replies
    1. Every time I think his latest outrageous statement will do him in, another hundred of his slavish barking seals pop up. It's truly astounding.

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  12. Just preeze be sure you still do plenty of the
    short, fat guy's accent. I alrrays get the wrangrich
    mispronounciation giggles......makes my morning.

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    Replies
    1. He rearry make me raugh, too, so don't worry. Rittle fat roser keep coming back rots and rots of time.

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  13. Trump...so many can't stand this freakishly ugly thing but he is still getting tons of votes....i am not getting it. Maybe they are all pod people

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    Replies
    1. I don't get it, either, I really don't.

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