Friday, January 29, 2016

There It Went

    Well, we're not completely done digging out, but the storm which was came, saw, and finally got the heck out after dumping thirty inches on my town.

"OMIGOD! OMIGOD! OMIGOD!"
    Of snow.

    Thanks to all of you who couldn't sleep because you were worried about me.  Yeah.  I know none of you did.  As I dug us out, I realize that I've reached an age where all those warnings about strained backs and exploding hearts don't seem nearly as outrageous as when I was in my 20s.  Back then, all I was concerned about was getting rid of the snow as quickly as possible. So I could rush out to the club so strange women could ignore me.
  
"Sorry.  You're not my type."
    Part of my post, Here It Comes outlined what exactly we should all go shopping for when faced with the snowy apocalypse.  One of those items was "Penis Pasta."  Part of the little phallic macaroni's allure is that it gets much bigger in water.  Unfortunately, that would be boiling water. So, this probably wouldn't be wise for all penises.  Don't ask me how I know.  Just have a feeling.

"Hey, willya lookit this?  It gets bigger in water."
"So, that's why you were molesting the tea kettle."
    Two of you commented on this.  Jo-Anne commented "Don't think I have ever seen penis-shaped pasta."  But, she also claims to have never seen kangaroos on Australian beaches, either.  Her claims may be invalid.
Unless the Internet is lying to us.
    Jeff Bushman of The High Cost of This Low Living also stated, "Nothing is as good as penis shaped pasta during a snow..."  At first, I was very frightened and determined to never go camping with him.  Then, he finished with, "...wait WTF did you just say?"

    Good save, Bushman.  Good save.

    Anyway, like I said, the snow is virtually all gone.  I now can move about freely.  My only problem?
What the frik am I supposed to do with a case of these?

35 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Only if I force her face to the plate.

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  2. If you used penis pasta to make mac and cheese would it be dick cheese? I'm glad you got out of all that snow alive. Didn't even need a flamethrower.

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    Replies
    1. I have a snowblower. Which thrills the neighborhood snowmen.

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    2. I can't top those two comments.

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    3. I named my snowman "Caitlyn."
      It has snowballs.

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  3. I fixed some "interestingly-shaped" pasta about twenty years ago as a joke, but alas, the shapes didn't hold up very well in cooking. Maybe I should have tossed a little blue pill into the boiling water with it?

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  4. Over here we have a grand total of 2" and also some snow!

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    Replies
    1. I always get dirty looks when I measure myself.
      Maybe it's because I'm in Home Depot when I try it.

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  5. Sure hope the pasta is served with meatballs.

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    Replies
    1. HUGE meatballs.
      Cuz that's how I roll.

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  6. Glad you are safe and not face down in a snowdrift. As for the pasta, only you Al, only you....too funny

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    Replies
    1. Gotta make the pasta "al dente."
      Good Lord, that is a terrifying thought.

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  7. Ok you have found me out, I say a lot of rubbish stuff in that half the time I have no idea what I am talking about but what the hell I am............what am I...........I have no idea.....

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    Replies
    1. Heck, nobody generally knows what I'm talking about.

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  8. Today, Back in 1977, The huge blizzard came through and my school was snowed under a drift! I was out of school for 2 weeks:) I wonder what would happen if I served this to some nuns...would they even know what it is?

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  9. Is it out to rival Spotted Dick? One can't get hard the other has gone bad.

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    Replies
    1. At least you don't need to put Spotted Dick in boiling water.
      But it IS spotted.

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  10. Do feminists refuse your preferred pasta and opt for Spaghetti-Os? Inquiring minds want to know.

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    Replies
    1. Sadly, you can play Ring Toss with Spaghetti-Os on me.

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  11. Replies
    1. Somehow, biting through a phallus, even a macaroni one, makes me cringe.

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  12. Is that for a really Italian bachelorette party?

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  13. I hate to even mention the sauce! Never-mind.

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  14. Zac Efron's mother gave him a pack of penis pasta for Christmas, so it must be good something. Never tell anyone to prick your boil in case they get the words mixed up.

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  15. Hahaha, good save, Bushman! High fives and crotch-grabs all around, gentlemen. I mean, we'll just go ahead and grab our own crotches in celebration. I hope your feeling about the boiled water factor didn't cause shrinkage, Al.

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    Replies
    1. I don't need an excuse to grab my crotch.

      Delete
  16. I pity the woman who only gets to see a penis growing is in a pot of boiling water!

    ReplyDelete