Monday, November 23, 2015

Gee, Thanks (Part I)


       
"Hi, gang, Bones here.  As I'm sure most of you have guessed, the below is a repost from last year.  And from the year before that. But, Mr.'I'm An Author Now So I'm Too Good To Admit That This Is a Rerun' ordered me to make the announcement for him.  Or he won't let me come inside.  I hope this'll do the trick  because I've already frozen my ass off.  And everything else."


    Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
"Yes, I told him to make a few changes.  
Now, get your ass back inside that pie shell."

NOTE:  Yes, I realize Bones doesn't have a parka on.
I'm too important now to take another picture.  

    It’s the first in a series of year-end celebrations, the others being Christmas, Hanukkah, and New Years.  Okay, calendar-nerds, New Years is technically the beginning of the year, but what we’re talking about-really-is New Year’s EVE.  


January 1st is just for Alka-Seltzer IV drips and watching college football until bloodshot eyes roll back into their sockets like hot coals in a snow bank. 

    You could make the case that Veterans Day kicks it off.  But, as evidenced by the dismal ratings of the short-lived It’s the War to End All Wars, Charlie Brown special on TBS, forcing Santa Claus to wear a gas mask at the mall is really tacky.  Likewise, you could say that Kwanzaa (Swahili for “A Couple of Days After Christmas”) wraps it up, but it’s the Big Three which put the Seasons in Seasons Greetings.

    Unless you count Boxing Day.  That'll give you four.
"Wrong type of boxing, ya dumb palooka!"
    I mean, after all, what evokes the holiday
"I saw that Sony Playstation first!
Merry Christmas."
spirit more than getting trampled at Wal-Mart by frenzied harpies in bathrobes and curlers on Black Friday?

    As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to appreciate how special Thanksgiving is.  A more sober occasion than the frenetic zaniness of the Yuletide season, families gather at Thanksgiving just for the sake of being together, not because they hope to score the latest electronic gizmo.
"Plus, there's food."
"And...donuts?  Perchance?" 
    Oh, sure, there are parades, football games, and enough food to sink the Mayflower, but Thanksgiving is thankfully (pardon the pun) devoid of the commercialism of Christmas and the bacchanalian excess of New Year’s Eve.  It’s similar to Hanukah, but, even during the Festival of Lights, there is some amount of commercialized gift-giving.

    Gratefully, we aren’t bombarded by wall-to-wall advertisements to get your loved ones the very latest in techno wizardry (“Because,
There is the
Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special.
Which sucked on ice.
I can't possibly be the only one
who notices the dinner table is segregated.
if you REALLY loved Mom, you’d buy her an I-Phone!”) in the run-up to Thanksgiving.  Plus, there’s no such thing as a “24-Hour Thanksgiving Music Station” nor a “Randolph the Hair-Lipped Turkey” special on the Hallmark channel.

    No, Thanksgiving is a calming prelude to the mania which paralyzes every December.  It’s a time to appreciate what we’ve been given in life.

"Like the Cowboys game on TV!!!
IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"

    As the day draws nearer, I think back to that very first day of thanks held almost four hundred years ago...

To be continued....
   A  Thanksgiving history lesson.  As far as you know.




30 comments:

  1. Yes you guys (notice I did not say Yous) south of the border really get into Thanksgiving where we are just happy to have a Monday off and some Turkey. Canuck media is trying really hard to make Black Friday as nuts as it is down in your neck of the woods. So far it gets a resounding meh! Here. When I think of Thanksgiving, besides the food, I think of how, all those eons ago, the Native Americans outstretched their hands in peace. The new colonists welcomed them in and they all shared in a beautiful meal......before the colonists took their land, killed many, got the Natives drunk on booze and herded them onto reservations. ...oops....sorry. Hey, we're not much better with the Inuit

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    1. I had the honor of being invited to a Canadian Thanksgiving dinner at the home of a Canadian officer with whom I worked. What a nice, nice time.

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  2. That mania starts the day after as people start stomping one another to save ten cents

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    1. Mrs. Penwasser has gone to those ridiculous shopping frenzies at 3 am. I have never done so.

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  3. Dear Lord, that table is segregated!
    Who watches the Macy's Parade? Now that is the ultimate in commercialism.

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    1. I know, right?
      I've stopped watching the parades, to be honest. Once they went to those annoying Broadway bits-which holds up the whole process-I decided to give the whole thing a pass.

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  4. Replies
    1. Highlighted this year by my brothers, sister, and I holding a "Who Looks More Like the Cryptkeeper?" contest. Then, Cards Against Humanity.

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  5. I can't wait to hear your take on the history of Thanksgiving.

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    1. It, too, is a repeat. But, it has some updated pictures. I left one of my favorites in, though. After all this time, it still makes me chuckle. See if you can guess which one it is.

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  6. Miraculously, though, the second day of Hanukah is NOT Black Friday.

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    1. I'm gonna write something new about Hanukkah this year. Last year it was the Feast of the Seven Fishes. This year? Festival of Lights!

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  7. You're lookin' kinda bony there, Penwusser. I love Thanksgiving. Willy Dunne Wooters helps me get the turkey in the oven. My son joins us. We have a delicious meal while we talk and talk and talk and laugh and laugh and laugh.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. I'm going to visit my family in CT for Thanksgiving this year. Good news? I eat other peoples' food. Bad news? No turkey sandwiches on Friday.

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  8. And we get to watch the Lions beat the shit out of Philly! (or themselves)

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    1. Oh, good grief, I fear that may be a Toilet Bowl.
      Lions win, though.

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  9. There's no Randolph the Hair Lipped Turkey movie? Someone told me there was. Ar you sure? You just ruined my Thanksgiving now. Thanks a lot Al.

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  10. Bones doesn't sound very thankful. Maybe he'd be happier with a cushion for his boney butt. He also looks hungry, but I guess he's too proud to admit it.

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    1. Bones tends to get mouthy. I think I'll feed him to the dog if he doesn't shut up.

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  11. Thanksgiving is a calming prelude to the mania of December? Really? Because I thought it was a little chaotic trying to get all the Thanksgiving meal pieces and parts ready to be served at precisely the same time. I'm already stressing about it!

    On that note, have a very Happy Thanksgiving!

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  12. the picture for the Cowboys game is very appropriate. Oh there will be gnashing of teeth along with mashing potatoes. Ray's in charge of the turkey. I'm the clean up crew. His family is horrible about RSVP - our body count could be 15 or 24........are you bringing a side dish, perhaps? I may go stand in line at a mall somewhere (ha). or I could find a corner and read your book. Have a happy Thanksgiving

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  13. Damnit, I didn't comment on this one last year, either!

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  14. Black Friday should be abolished. Boxing day makes way more sense business wise. I can understand stores discounting all their stuff that didn't sell for Christmas. I don't understand them doing it before Christmas.

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    Replies
    1. Agreed. It brings out the worst in people.

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