Sunday, May 31, 2015

I Spy For Underachievers

 

  The past few weeks, I've been going to see a physical therapist to help me out with some dull pain in my right foot.

NOTE:  I enjoy telling people that I'm seeing a 'therapist' (leaving out the 'physical' part).  It's fun to see the reaction on their faces, which run from concern to "Well, that figures."


    It's actually been a big help.  In fact, the pain is nearly gone and soon I can resume my career as a place-kicker in the NFL.

NOTE:  This is a lie.

    As part of my 'therapy' (What's the first thing which pops into your mind when you see the word 'therapy'?  See what I mean?), I'm required to balance on one foot for thirty seconds.  In order that I don't fall off or bash my head into the wall, the 'therapist' (once again...) lets me look at an open I Spy book.

    Hopefully, most of you know the type of book I'm talking about.  Very similar to a Where's Waldo?  challenge, the I Spy books give you a detailed picture of a venue with a lot of junk in it (much like my desk).  The reader is then required to find a specific item, whether it be a toy duck, set of keys, Miley Cyrus' chastity, or John Boehner's balls.  
"Here I am.
Dumb shit."
    Okay, I'm kidding about that Miley Cyrus thing.
"Really?  Because I don't think it'd be that difficult."


"Hmmm....that's odd.  I put them someplace.
Maybe in my other set of pants?"
    Anyway, (WARNING:  Possible double entendre ahead), it's FRIKKIN' HARD!!  After quite a few visits to my 'therapist' (hee...hee...hee), I haven't been able to complete a single puzzle 100%.
I spy....a smiley face...an octopus...John Kerry...
WTF you mean that's an Easter Island statue???  This sucks!!

    Therefore, for those of us who may be (who am I kidding about "may be") middle-aged, might I offer an I Spy For the Underachiever?  This way, we can easily find all the asked-for items and not feel like Forrest Gump and a Rubik's Cube.
I spy...a house...two cars...a tree branch...grass...DONE!
Let's eat.


"And could one of y'all help me with this Rubiks Cube?
It's a real bitch."

20 comments:

  1. I also spy a garbage can. Must be garbage day.
    I bet you have a lot of fun with the 'therapy' bit.
    Glad it's helping.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn! I missed that!
      I think I need to keep going back.

      Delete
  2. I saw the garbage can, too. Plus, is that a CCTV camera on the wall or a dryer vent? And the easy way to tell Kerry from the Easter Island monolith (and maybe the only way) is to look for the broken bike.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a dryer vent.
      I would have included it, but I didn't want to make it difficult.
      Lol

      Delete
  3. that would explain why he cries a lot

    ReplyDelete
  4. What? You didn't spy the basketball net? I think I'd rather take the simple version over searching for balls, of any kind haha after doing yoga I can stand on one foot with ease now. Can almost bend down and lick my own balls too, not that I'd ever do that, blah, but eat your heart out mutts.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You're gonna have back problems one day, young man,
    In the interim...I envy you.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hint to Boehner: Look in Hillary's panties. She has a lot more balls than you do.

    Hint to Miley: Get a therapist. You need help.

    Hint to Forrest Gump: Take off the little square stickies and put all the same colors on each side.

    Sigh. My work is done here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOU could be a therapist!
      Where should I send the check?

      Delete
    2. Make it payable to Rawkn Robyn at Scams R Us, Al.
      Thank you.

      Delete
  7. Wait....how many cars were there? Glad you are getting therapy. The next trick is to identify all fifty GOP candidates. By the way, my Wii Exercise program constantly questions my ability to walk in a straight line. I'm lucky I haven't fallen out of my chair as I write this. Good luck and thanks for the laughs despite your misery.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That book looks like a recipe for frustration, which is not what you need when your foot is injured. I was going to say "that's not what you need at your age", but then I realised I don't know what you need at your age. Maybe what you need is an oriental maiden to massage your foot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need regular bowel habits for starters.

      Delete
  9. You know, I'm a therapist, and nobody ever gets it right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that's because none of us came with instructions.

      Delete
  10. When I got my first smart phone, these were the games I downloaded first. Back when they had about four levels. It took me a month to get through those four puzzles. :)

    Elsie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm telling you. It seems like they'd be a snap. But, NO! Especially when you're trying to balance on foam using only one foot.

      Delete
  11. Oh my the therapist is just trying to scramble your brain so you no longer remember why you are seeing them in the first place. Then they will have you visit a nice home

    ReplyDelete