Tuesday, April 7, 2015

'F' Is For Farts


Farts


Beans-Good For Your Heart
The More That You Eat Them...Whoops
I Just Made a Shart

46 comments:

  1. That is such a shart face!!! Don't ya just hate when that happens, especially when ya ain't at home and can't take care of business?

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    1. And you're wearing your white Miami Vice pants?

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  2. Since you brought up a poem about farts, perhaps you can answer an age old question: Is it "beans, beans the MAGICAL fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot," or "beans beans the MUSICAL fruit...?"

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    1. The more you toot
      The better you feel
      So let's have beans
      For every meal.
      Ah, the classics!

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    2. Can't find your blog. Where ya be?

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  3. Replies
    1. Then, after I eat asparagus....well...

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  4. The musical beans are the unsoaked beans.Soak the beans overnight and it takes out all the music. But that ain't no fun.

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    1. Yeah, ain't nobody got time for that.
      Toot away.

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  5. As long as it doesn't start dripping down your leg. It can always be worse haha

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    1. What about on the grout?
      Oops, said too much.
      I'm out.

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  6. I'm so amazed that I know that full poem. I must be a literary savant.

    Al, you crack me up...over and over and over. :-)

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    1. We never forget the classics from our childhood.

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  7. Farts are funny and can vary wildly in sound and odor-the odor I can do without especially when the culprit is my dog

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    1. They're especially useful to do a little crop dusting in the frozen foods section of Walmart.

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  8. I remember driving past a Quonset hut movie theater on the Island of Rarotonga, and there was a sign outside that read: Please don't eat beans on movie night. The sign was intended to be taken seriously. I wonder why your post reminded me of this.

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  9. There are just no words Al. None at all. hahahahaha

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    1. No worries… I made up for it down below… hahahaha
      He's too funny!

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    2. I have at least one shart story:
      "Night of the Catastrophic O-Ring Malfunction."

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  10. Why is it that peanuts are really a legume(bean) and we make it into peanut butter and beans make you toot, but peanut butter doesn't?

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    1. If you fart after eating chunky peanut butter, you can turn your butt into a Gatling gun.

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  11. Well, you'd better stay away from the gefilte fish then. Your expression says it all! Another Penwasser Place classic!

    Julie

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    1. Gelfilte fish makes you fart?
      Well, THAT doesn't sound kosher.

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  12. classic. Best to contemplate the merits of this poem around a campfire - a la Blazing Saddles - no doubt your inspiration.

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    1. Which my brothers and I recreate every summer when we go camping.

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  13. Okay… I confess, my only one this lifetime, so you might want to take hold of that sphincter muscle of yours: but I had to look up Shart.

    I'm thinking can this man not spell… well, I just about fell off my well-toned glutes.

    Yes, it's a fact… I did not know this word existed. What toilet bowl have I had my head swimming in. Not really a question… I know the bowl, it's the one I've been fishing in… for my phone.

    Now, the best part about not knowing this word, and having to google it, is the images. Damn, I nearly sharted myself from laughing so hard. See, I even worked it nicely into that sentence. Damn… doing what I can to redeem myself.

    You know they say a day shouldn't slip by without learning something… so, thanks Al, for this educational Haiku.

    Al, Al, that hilarious Al,
    he sharts, and farts, but is still your pal.
    Thank goodness I'm young
    and still a quick study
    I sure wouldn't want
    to be flushed by my buddy.

    Jenny, Pearson Report
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @PearsonReport

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    1. To fart or not to fart?
      Should I take a chance?
      It's not for the weak of heart
      when wearing white pants.

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  14. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  15. What I meant to say: Why does everything that's good for you have to result in offensive odor? Who wants to eat something that's, not only healthy, but causes people to clear the room fast? Besides you? And maybe, when he was alive, Coleman?

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    1. Yeah, Hershey Bars don't give you gas.
      Beer and deviled eggs?
      Now we're talking.

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  16. Well, that made up for not using "colon" for c. And then some. Can't wait to see whether the sequel will be under "s" for stain or "u" for underwear. Obviously too late for "b" for brown.

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  17. I reckon you best throw them skivvies away, for Ma sees them.

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    Replies
    1. That's why I no longer buy white ones.

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  18. I started laughing right from the title! Hilarious. :)
    ~Jess

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  19. this stinks


    best pun I could think of...

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  20. Yet another argument for the adult diaper. I hate to see those things used only by men with a kinky baby fetish.

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    1. One day I hope to be able to watch the ballgame without needing to get up.

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  21. Have you ever farted in the face of someone..............I have just saying

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