Monday, March 23, 2015

A-Z Challenge Theme Reveal





"But, seriously, not as much a surprise
if you found out I was gay, right?"
    Well, this probably won't come as much of a surprise, but I've decided to once again enter the A-Z Challenge.  

    It also won't come as much of a surprise that I will be going with a theme.  In 2011 and 2012, I just winged it (like Congress).  It was a virtual grab bag of whatever I felt like writing, as long as it coincided with the day's particular letter.  

  For instance, for "U," I chose "Underwear Wars" in 2011 (which
My guess is that I have used
this picture more than any other.
I can't help it, though.
Gary Coleman is just so damn cute here.*
you would know if you read my warmed-over repost on March 2nd).  In 2013, I decided to become a little more disciplined and adopt a specific theme.  Since I like history (being old, I've seen a lot of it), I went with posts that dealt with topics of a historical nature (hope you're following me).  For instance, for 'X' I chose 'Xerxes."  Come to think of it, I also chose 'Xerxes' in 2012.  So, I probably should have chosen 'Lazy' for 'L."  Anyway, the Xerxes one was one of my favorites.  Which you would also know since I reposted it AGAIN this month.  Yep.  Lazy.


    In 2014, I decided that I was overburdened, overwhelmed, and
Happy I did it, though.
Even though, as of this date,
millions remain unsold
and I can't get any more gigolo gigs.
Apparently, all the old broads have died.
overstimulated.  I had a book in the works, as some of you may know.  I wanted to devote more attention to it so that it would become a bestseller and I could finally give up my job as a male prostitute to women with shockingly low standards.


    Some of you may remember that I took a few months break starting with the 2014 Challenge.   After that time, though, I realized that I missed writing and, if I'm wasn't going to make any money at it, I may as well return to Blogger.

  I'm writing the sequel to It's Not Just A Job, though because I still like to write about my time in the Navy.  At least before I die.  I have every confidence that It's An Adventure will have the same dust-collecting performance as its predecessor.

 
"OMIGOD! OMIGOD! OMIGOD! He said 'bone!'"
Okay, so maybe it wouldn't be such a big surprise.
  Oh, wait, what's my theme this year?  So as not to tax my writing bone (NOTE:  there is no such bone), I'm going with a classic Japanese art form, the Haiku.  While there are other ways of doing it, I am going to go with a three line, 5-7-5 syllable format.  That way, I can get it and get out (or, as Mrs. Penwasser likes to say, "Get In and Get Off").


    I already have a few haikus ready and will start coming to a computer near you on April 1st.


My Haikus Are Done
None of Them Are Serious
Oh, no! Godzilla! 

    Told you it was Japanese.

Cool Raymond Burr Godzilla.
Not the sucky Matthew Broderick one.

*NOT Gary Coleman.  Gary Coleman is dead.  And that's what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis.

43 comments:

  1. Richard Simmons is gay????? Damn, I had no idea. So looking forward to the haikus.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Believe it or not, I went to ask.com and typed in "Is Richard Simmons Gay?" Yes, weird, but not as weird as when I went to ask.com a few years ago and typed, "Do chickens have vaginas?" Yes. Long story. But, apparently they have something called a "cloaca." Anyway, some answers say he is openly gay. Other sources (and frankly, those look more reputable) say that he has never spoken about his sexuality. In essence, the world may never know. But, just to be sure, I'm sending him a fruit basket and collection of Judy Garland records.
      This is me being honest now (no, honestly): I really don't care what your sexuality is. If you want to be gay, be gay. If he IS gay, but is afraid to tell people, that would be a shame. Oh, that doesn't mean I wouldn't poke fun at him. After all, I make fun of heterosexuals, too (e.g. Charlie Sheen).

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. That Is My One Wish
      That People Read and Enjoy
      Oh, no! Godzilla!

      I really oughta get off this Godzilla thing.

      Delete
  3. Haikus is a pretty cool theme. A great way to get around all that writing too. I remember doing the challenge once. Well I did my own version I called May to Z. Good luck writing the sequel to your book. I hope it does better. You just need a better platform. America loves the military. Play your cards right and you could be the next Chris Kyle.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They really are quite easy to write. The biggest challenge is to make them somewhat funny (at least I hope everyone thinks they're somewhat funny).

      Delete
  4. That will be great! Let your funny bone show.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sure they will be fun indeed. Even if there is no writing bone big brother will find a way to tax it, so you are half right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So, I'd better not take Writing Viagra, so my bone won't be a bigger tax liability.

      Delete
  6. I think it is good that you can pick a theme. I am just not good at that kind of thing.
    But, neither is me writing a haiku,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's better than picking at a scab.
      Ohhhh....ewwwww....sorry.
      I just grossed myself out there.

      Delete
  7. You know what one I'm waiting for!! Can't wait to read these, knowing you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ha! This was absolutely hilarious! Plus, major bonus points for Richard Simmonds. Good luck with your historical haiku A-Z challenge!

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. Replies
    1. That's what attracted Mrs. Penwasser.
      Joke was on her.

      Delete
  11. Oh, Al. It's just that Gary's thighs look humungous compared to every other body part - or so I assume. Oh no, Godzilla! Yours will surely be the most entertaining A-Z. Hey, that rhymes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's all that working out using the "Grasshopper Training Program."

      Delete
  12. If you think I'm counting syllables all month you're crazy.
    I'm trusting you on this one.
    Really I'm just here for the humour. I'm betting there will be plenty.

    Bushman
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @jwb81074

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually counted.
      Yeah, I'm bored that way.

      Delete
  13. Godzilla's real name is Gojira. It's like a combination of the words for gorilla and whale.

    Because those are the two animals you think of when you think of Godzilla

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gorillas and whales.
      Probably safer than getting God involved.

      Delete
  14. I once tried to write a haiku. I gave up after eighteen pages. Good luck with the challenge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No,it's five pages followed by seven pages followed by five pag...wait, that's not right.
      Nuts.

      Delete
  15. I was going to think of a witty comment, but then I noticed Stephen's and now I've decided to quit comedy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, never give up comedy!
      It's what keeps me unemployed.

      Delete
  16. I adore Haiku! Good luck with the Challenge! :)

    -Chrys Fey
    Tremp's Troops - A to Z Co-co-host

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, so do I.
      Even ones which aren't snarky.

      Delete
  17. Is this the second time you've mentioned Gary Coleman in a month? His chubby cheeks are beginning to haunt me. I'm also getting deja vu about the haiku thing. Either I'm nuts or you're trying to make me think I am.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. #1: Yes. And he'll get more "press" next month.
      #2: It's not deja vu. I had already revealed my plans, but I jumped the gun. Arlee Bird suggested I do my official reveal on the 23rd so as to put the word out to those who aren't regulars here.
      So, you're not crazy.
      That's my job.

      Delete
  18. A post that left me thinking what the bloody hell did I just read

    ReplyDelete
  19. Al, you are a man of multiple talents. And now you can add 'poet' to your growing list of attributes.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I really, really considered it this year. But I just don't think I can commit to it. So instead you'll just have to be subject to my random posts, in non alphabetical order.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's why I didn't do it last year.
      And that's why I'm only doing haikus THIS year.
      Pretty easy, actually.

      Delete
  21. Al, Al, he's your man,
    If he can't Haiku them,
    No one can.

    No, it's not a Haiku, It's a Jenniku… a Haiku having a hot flash!

    Can't wait to see what this A to Z will bring… yikes, run for the Haiku hills! :P

    Cheers, Jenny
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @PearsonReport

    PS I mentioned you in my post… well, not really a mention, but your name got squished in there… filler more than anything. Trying to up the work count! :P LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love being squished. It's kinda my thing.

      Delete
  22. I had a feeling Gary and the gang would be back! It never gets old! I can't wait for your hilarious Haikus, Al! Oh, and I'm still laughing from Mrs. Penwasser's, "Get in, get off" line!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's what I call foreplay.
      Or oral sex.

      Delete