Today we celebrate a day of love by
going to see 50 Shades of Grey giving our significant other tokens of our affection. But, what are the origins behind this occasion?
|"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Fifty Shades won't have subtitles!!!!!"|
|"Seriously, are you really going to need to know what they're saying?"|
|"Oh, yeah. Duh."|
But, supremely hacked off that Valentine was a hero among the people (and that he had a much cooler name), the Emperor Claudius II had Valentine beheaded in 269 A.D. But, his (Valentine's, not Claudius', who you probably never heard of until now) legend grew until Hallmark got wind of it and started a huge February love-fest to take your mind off the fact that snowdrifts have buried your house.
|"Hey, look on the bright side, people will be screwing like rabbits in your name."|
NOTE: The Latin reads-"Told you you should have gotten the emperor a card."
But, that may be 50 Shades of Grey.
***************Before I let you go (yeah, as if you can never leave when you want, anyway. Who am I? A time-share salesman?), I wanted to tell you one of my favorite jokes. It will be brief.
A college professor was quizzing his students as to the frequency of their sexual relations.
When he asked, "How many of you have sex on a daily basis?" a few hands shot up.
When he asked, "How many of you have sex a couple times a week?" many went up.
NOTE: Remember, these are college-age kids, not the Penwasser house.
When he asked, "How many of you have sex once a week?" several hands raised in the air.
When he asked, "How about once a month?" the middle-aged commuter students raised their hands.
Deciding to go for broke, he asked, "Okay, how many of you have sex once a year?"
There was this shriek way in the back. The professor craned his neck and squinted to see who was making the racket. "Excuse me?" he asked.
A man came rushing down the center aisle to the podium. "Me!" he exclaimed. "Me!!"
The professor, nonplussed, said, "You do know I asked 'once a year' don't you?"
"I do! I do!" he grinned.
"Then why are you so happy?"
"TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT!!!"
BA DUM BUM
Now go out and get some flowers. Saint Valentine would have wanted it that way. Well, he would've probably wanted his head more.