Sunday, October 19, 2014

Dear Steve: Yes, It IS a Small World

  Don't adjust your computer  You're still at Penwasser Place.  I know.  Damn.

Okay, well I'M sitting on a toilet.
That's gotta count for something, huh?

  I follow quite a few of you (this is probably unsettling).  One of the many blogs I enjoy reading is The Chubby Chatterbox, written by the very talented Steve Hayes.  Steve, a gifted artist, is also a master storyteller.  So, he's two up on me.  But, I can juggle.  Okay, that was a lie.

  A couple weeks ago, Steve penned (because, while technically accurate, "computered" sounds stupid) one of his many engaging posts.  Titled Small World, it related a story when he and Mrs. Chatterbox traveled to Polynesia (NOTE:  Polynesia has nothing to do with parrots).

"No?  Well...eff!!"
  Among the many things they did there (for which I am jealous), he told us how he met a woman from Portland, Oregon, a half mile from where he lived.

  Even though my story doesn't have near the "cool factor" as his, I also have a small world story and I mentioned this in the comments.  The more I thought about it, though, the more I realized I should share this with you, my faithful followers and all you hackers in Eastern Europe.

  Well, that and I really have nothing else to write about.

  So...

    Some of my most favorite trips when I served in the Navy were those to Belize.

   Belize is a country in Central America formerly known as British Honduras.  I've written a post somewhere along the way which tells all about the country, but I won't go into that here.  That's not really the point of this.  Besides, my two fingers are already sore from typing and I haven't gotten to the "small world" part yet.

  Anyway, when we were off shift, we'd travel around the
Yeah.
These jaguars don't scare nobody.
countryside.  We visited the jaguar zoo (I was disappointed it had nothing to do with football), go shopping for statues made of mud and monkey skulls, and take in the "Mayan Heart Ripping" exhibitions.


  We also took a trip to the Belize National Forest which was pretty much in the middle of nowhere.  It had a nature trail, but we avoided it mostly because Belize had nature which could actually kill you (NOTE:  the zoo didn't catch all the jaguars, you know).


The Belize Blue Hole
The one off the coast.
Where rich people go.
We didn't go to this one.
  Instead, we settled for what was called the "Blue Hole," a supposedly bottomless freshwater spring.  The day was hot and we were all sweaty from lugging our mud and monkey skull statues around (the guy at the market said they were good luck.  I think he lied).  We figured the water would really refresh us, especially since we didn't know that jaguars could swim. 

  A few other people were swimming in the water when we got
The other Blue Hole.
In the Blue Hole National Park.
Where poor people go.
And thirsty jaguars.
there and we started chatting.  They were from Philadelphia (NOTE:  this is the "small world" part.  Please keep up).  One of the ladies smiled and said how beautiful the water was and how cold it was where she was swimming.


  I smiled back and said, "Not where I am."

  Well, wouldn't you know it, they all shrieked and immediately got out of the water.

  Silly Belizeans.  Didn't they know that blue dye doesn't work at a place called "The Blue Hole?"

EPILOGUE:  Come on, how many of you clicked on that link above?  You really should.  Or at least read some of Steve's other works (now, if THAT doesn't sound pretentious).  You owe it to yourself.  Plus, if you do, I'll send you that mud and monkey skull statue I still have.  Thing's starting to give me the creeps.

36 comments:

  1. I hear it's one of the few places south of America that speaks English officially, though I hear Belizean Creole is more of the native language even if it was based on English.

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    1. Yes, they certainly do. In fact, when I tried to lay a little Spanish, they looked at me like I was nuts. Which, I guess, I kinda am.

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    2. Save your Spanish for Brazil sir

      wait a minute...

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  2. Did you meet any thirsty jaguars from Philly? And the ones from Jacksonville are sadly losers.

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  3. In order to have a blue hole Belize must have ate something rather rare. When you gotta go, I guess you gotta go.

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    1. A side of jaguar washed down with Windex, I suppose.

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  4. I'm just wondering why you didn't run a mile or two with jokes about blue holes. I can't think of any. But you're so good at coming out with 'em. Like a blue hole is Oprah's toilet bowl's view when her network ratings took a dip.

    Steve and you are the best of blogland storytellers.

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    1. I could have said something about a Lady Smurf, but I chose not to.
      Uh oh. Whoops.

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  5. I've followed The Chubby Chatterbox for quite some time. I love his blog. Shame on you for frightening those people, Penwusser.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. HA! And you know the Jacksonville Jaguars suck. Not that I care. Football shmootball.

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  6. I did check it out. This is not the first time I've heard someone unhappy with their Tahitian experience. I think it only gets good press because it works well in songs.

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    1. And the girls who met the Bounty were topless.

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    2. Well, yeah, there was that...

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    3. Made a believer outta me. I would've thrown Bligh in a boat, too.

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    4. I must also state, in the spirit of fair play, that the Tahitian MEN were topless, as well.

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  7. Thanks so much for the shout out. I really appreciate it. Our son was traveling to Belize and I tried to convince him to visit that famous Belize Blue Hole but he couldn't find time. Kids!

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  8. A blogging friend from Pa is visiting me now. Do you ever read, "My Journey with Candida?" Terry's husband is a hunter so she talked him into hunting in Montana this season. I guess she didn't have to talk too hard. Ha I've never been to PA but I Keep finding blogging friends who live in that neck of the woods.
    I will check out the blog you suggested but please, no monkey skulls.

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    Replies
    1. But the creepy thing is starting to smell!
      Oh wait, that's probably not a good selling point.
      I mean....it's really neat!

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  9. My small world story - we were in Charleston SC (280 miles from home) this week, waiting at the kiosk to pay for our parking. A lady comes up, looks at the stickers on the back of my van and says to my husband,"I work at Guilford College" and he says - so does my wife! I got out of the car and met Terry who works at the same school I do just in a different department. Small world!

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  10. I loved Alex's comment. Very funny Alex!

    Now to you…as you wish…

    I would have loved to had a chance to swim in that beautiful water. I would have ignored the pee. I do when I'm in the ocean. Like all those brats aren't letting loose. By brats I mean old men in banana hammocks.

    I ran into a family member while walking through Amsterdam. Okay, she was my husband's sister-in-law, but hey, that's family. And, it was pretty damn surprising.

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    1. I loved Amsterdam. Although I could never beat that barmaid in Connect Four.
      Of course, it may have had a lot to do with being in a bar.

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  11. Replies
    1. Fish do it.
      And hump each other, too.
      Not that I've looked.
      Okay, I looked.

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  12. You're such a smooth operator, Al; wooing the ladies of Belize with a combination of charm and urine.

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    1. I even know, "I have a big pencil" in German.
      Yeah, I'm a playa.

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  13. Ok I have read the post but you know what it seemed to go over my head because I had to read it again and still can't think what it's about so I am just leaving maybe I need a sleep or something as I think my brain is asleep and my body is awake

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  14. You pissed in the ocean? Man, you're lucky a dolphin didn't smell your pee and give you a tail-whipping. The ladies would have enjoyed watching that.

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    1. You mean I wouldn't have been "dolphin-safe"?

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  15. ...where poor people and thirsty jaguars go. That is CLASSIC!
    Speaking of Belize, go to Google, type in tillett belize (no quote marks) and see what all pops up. My family owns that place (apparently).

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