Saturday, August 30, 2014

Time Flies

1976

NOTE:  No lenses in the glasses.
And I'm not wearing pants.
  Thirty-eight years ago today, I boarded a train in New Haven, Connecticut, bound for Navy boot camp at Great Lakes, Illinois.  My intention was to see the world for four years, get a tattoo, and then return home to be a teacher.  

  Wouldn't you know it?  I didn't do any of those.  Four became twenty-seven, I passed out while waiting to get a tattoo, and I never became a teacher.

1976
Naval Air Station Memphis
I use this picture to scare children at Halloween.

1977
USS AMERICA (CV-66)
So young, so innocent.
So gonna get drunk off his ass the next time the ship pulls into port.
1978
USS AMERICA (CV-66)
Wherein I adopt the "Cheesy 70s Porn Star Stash."

1980
USS AMERICA (CV-66)
NOTE:  Pit stain.
Cut me some slack.  It was frikkin' hot that day.
And I sweat like a pig.

1990

Naval Air Station Sigonella, Sicily
The reason I'm squinting is that the power went out and we had to take this picture outside.
But, you can't see any pit stains.

1990
My hat was too small.
This explains the "deer  in a headlight look."

1996
USS GEORGE WASHINGTON (CVN 73)
Why, yes.  I did get a free bowl of soup with that haircut.

1997
USS GEORGE WASHINGTON (CVN 73)
Yes, my pants were a little snug.  Thanks for noticing.
But, I....

got my nose creased by a grease pan, fell asleep on the beach at Copacabana, woke up in a pillowcase, ended up on the wrong train out of Rome, saw two Popes, understood neither, stiffed an Egyptian boat boy, spent three hours talking to a Greek man even though he didn't speak English and I didn't speak Greek, got my head handed to me by a Seabee, slept under a pinball machine during a brawl, almost urinated in a Saudi foot bath, bought an Iranian rug (oops, forget I said that), rolled my car in North Carolina, got married, got divorced, got married again, floated in the Dead Sea, peed in the Indian Ocean, stepped across the Arctic Circle with my family, tied my shoe at Masada, ate Octopus Soup in Yugoslavia, woke up with Oreo cookie crumbs in my chest hairs, trolled for rich people at a Cannes marina, tracked Soviet submarines 1,000 feet above the Strait of Gibraltar at night, threw a penny in the Trevi Fountain, skinnydipped in a mobile home park's pool, played golf in Iceland, tied the sandal of St. Peter's statue at the Vatican,  threw up ten yards from the main gate at the Navy base in Crete, did the "nasty" while underway (Mrs. Penwasser was onboard for Family Day...hubba...hubba), ate whale in Norway, spit off the Eiffel Tower, spit off the Leaning Tower of Pisa, spit off the Colosseum, spit off a carrier's flight deck,  told to "knock that silly shit off," saw a belly dance in Cairo, saw a belly dance in an Emirati desert, went four wheeling in the same desert, got drunk in an Islamic country, flew missions in the Red Sea during Desert Shield, witnessed the birth of my son, witnessed the birth of my daughter, allegedly present during both conceptions,  shocked that those Russian hookers weren't "into me," saw the Mona Lisa, wondered what the big deal was, ran over an iguana in Puerto Rico, landed on an aircraft carrier, and retired with an almost endless collection of memories.

2004
Hello?
Still no pants.
Yeah, I'd say that was worth not getting a tattoo.

 
"Hey, why no Tattoo!?
That seems pretty fuc...ohhhhh, I'm dead.
Well, that makes sense."


20 comments:

  1. And I salute you for your lifelong commitment to our military. And for spitting off the Eiffel Tower. Think you hit any French people? And not sure when you rolled the car, but glad I wasn't on the road at the time. (Although no, I don't live in Jacksonville.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It was probably the only time that day that French guy got a shower.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You saw two popes? You now have the rare chance to see two at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pope John Paul I
      Pope John Paul II
      I never got a chance to see Pope George Ringo, though.

      Delete
  4. lmao, damn do you have any spit left? Stiffing boat boys and killing iguanas, maybe the next picture will be a wanted poster haha

    ReplyDelete
  5. WOW... Your life in a nutshell. I am really impressed. Not everyone gets to pee in the Indian Ocean. Ha A very good looking guy you are and I know you turned more than a few ladies heads. Congratulations on your 38 years since beginning military service.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The iguana's name was "Fluffy." I caught a lot of flack for that.

    ReplyDelete
  7. What an incredible life you've had. You really should save this for your obituary, which hopefully will be a long time off. Take care and have a terrific weekend. And thank you for your service.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be much better than...
      He was born.
      He lived.
      He died on the crapper.

      Delete
  8. Someone grew into a good looking fella

    ReplyDelete
  9. A wealth of life experience, told beautifully in words and pictures (perhaps with the exception of those 1970s snaps!). Given everything you've witnessed, it's not surprising you have such a great sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The 1970s.
      It's best we forget about them.

      Delete
  10. So when you say you stiffed a boat boy you mean...?
    Free love was not so free in my generation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You went there.
      As would I.
      Nice one.
      He asked for a tip to take his picture, which I wasn't willing to give. So, when he turned his back, I snapped a photo.
      He's probably in Al-Qaeda now and is gunning for a little payback from an infidel.

      Delete
  11. I wish I could do a list like that. I mean, be able to claim that list. I don't think I can do most of it now. But I have a question- how many people were hit in all that spitting?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nobody actually.
      Despite what some people say, I wasn't that big of an A-Hole.
      Although, the French folk could've used it.

      Delete
  12. I'd like to hear more about the two popes. Was it a private audience? That's some pornstache, man, and quite a list of adventures.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
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