Monday, July 28, 2014

Monkey See, Monkey Write, Monkey Fling Poo

NOTE:  Used without asking their permission.  But, it's from their Facebook page and they'd probably want the publicity.   So they'd be cool with it and all.
    When I woke up this morning, I at first was thrilled that I had made it through another day.  Then, I determined to write some comedy gold here at Blogger after making a few comments on blogs which are far and away better than what you'd find here.     

    After deciding it would be too much work to give you something new, I opted for something else.  "No," I hear you cry, "not another frikkin' repost!  You just got back!!"

   Well, that's just what I'm going to do, whiners.  But, this will be a repost with a twist.

    Inspired by Robyn Engel, author of one of those aforementioned quality blogs, Life By Chocolate, I decided to enter a writing contest sponsored by Midlife Collage.  Because I'm middle-aged, dammit, that's why!

    For those who do not know (and I didn't, until Robyn entered), Mid Life Collage sponsors weekly writing contests which are held...uh...every week (hence the "weekly" designation).  Each week (once again...week), five stories are trotted out for your pleasure.  If you give them a look-see, you are encouraged to "Like" Mid Life Collage on their Facebook page and leave comments stating how wonderful, up-roaringly hilarious, inciteful, or putrid the piece was.

   The good people at MLC will take that all into consideration when deciding the winner.  After consulting the entrails of an owl and a Magic 8 Ball, of course.

    The winner then receives a GRAND PRIZE of FIFTY
"He-she...HEY!"
DOLLARS (which, frankly, would have been much grander in the 1950's.  Or in Bangladesh)!!  He/she (or He-She.  I won't judge)  is entered into a quarterly contest where $100 is at stake (at least we're talking the 1960's now.  And Mogadishu).

Anyway, if you feel so inclined, please have a look at Journey to the Center of My Bowels.
    
    If you also feel so inclined, feel free (or reasonably priced) to leave a comment.

    Incidentally, it's posted by Ken Lynch.  Is there anyone out there who still doesn't realize he is me and me is he (and neither one of us are good at grammar)?
    
    Thank you and thank you, Robyn!

P.S.  On an unrelated note, I was also inspired by Mark, of The Rambling Person (yet another quality blog) to put one of my books on Create Space.  By doing that, it would be available in a printed version that could be distributed worldwide and be a huge financial windfall for me.  Spurred on by horrendously lackluster sales as an eBook, I have therefore decided that Shag Carpet Toilet will be available for purchase.  I've ordered my copy, but won't hawk (NOTE:  also a synonym for "bringing up phlegm") it until I've had a chance to see if it is as I had hoped (e.g., I'm hoping they kept the verbs in).  

    In other words...more to follow.

    But, what are you waiting for, go have a look at my bowels!  No, wait. that didn't come out right.

    By the way, ROBYN WON HER CONTEST!  How cool is that?


"And, if I win, we're all gonna get laid!!"
"For fifty bucks!?  Who you gonna find for that!?"
     
"Ahem."

34 comments:

  1. I'm available for fifty bucks. Hell, I'm available for less than that. Just ask Willy Dunne Wooters. I shall click on the link and read your vowels . . . errr, bowels, and consonants.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I'm not cheap.
      But I can be had.

      Delete
  2. Thank you. Thank you, Al. But you give me too much credit. Yourself, not enough. Plus you just gave me a great idea as to how I can spend that $50 I won. With inflation, I figure it's worth $47.92 by now. I guess that makes it deflation. Damn. I can't even afford that guy.

    I AM glad you have your book on Create Space, and your article is hysterical. I will be re-reading it whenever I need a good laugh, but I'll need to make sure I have spare clean undies available. You're a talented man and a good friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Robyn. You're my muse.
      I hope to have my next book finished by the new year. It's bigger than I would have thought (oh, would that art imitated life!).

      Delete
  3. They should give you a prize for the title - my guess is that it's not about butt sex, but something you enjoy more than butt sex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It actually proves I would never like butt sex. I'll NEVER go to prison, let's put it that way.

      Delete
  4. If it is anywhere near as good as this post, it should be great!
    I shall go there...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Loved it! Hope you win the jackpot! I can legally enter the contest in just a mere 13 days!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ha!! Love it, will have to check it out :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you know....when coming up with the title of this post, I thought of you. See? Inspiration!

      Delete
  7. That title will sure make you win right there, but you can keep all the ummm perks of getting laid

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, that guy in the sweater seems willing enough, but I'll pass.

      Delete
  8. Good luck Al, I mean Ken or is it Al? No it's Ken

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm off to journey to the center of your bowels. I'm a bit afraid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Make sure you pack light. The place is a mess.

      Delete
  10. Here's hoping that excessive (or just right, if you're me) talk about rocketing things out of one of your orifices garners you a cash prize. Also, I too am middle-aged. The only difference is our respective life-expectancies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just looking forward to writing about my hemorrhoid surgery.

      Delete
  11. Not that I don't want to go read about your bowels, but unfortunately I'm not on Facebook. I know, I'm the last man standing, but I'm sticking to my guns.
    And this showed up in my feed today rather than yesterday. Weird.

    ReplyDelete
  12. If we are to be invited to the center of your bowels, we should at least buy you dinner and drinks first!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I''ll go and have a look. I might even have a go myself (as it's hard to get more middle-aged than me).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why not? I think most of our experiences would be great fodder (or mudder) for writing contests.

      Delete
  14. Well reading this left me thinking, ok I got distracted and can't remember what I was thinking so I will just let it say I came and read

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's okay. I sometimes forget if I've put on trousers.
      Hang on...
      Yep, there they are.

      Delete
  15. Now you KNOW I must go read about your bowels... and check out the contest of course. :) Enjoy the great outdoors BTW, I take it the Mrs. is enjoying her "free" time and you guys will be enjoying not showering for a week?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A better example of how long we've been following each other you'll never find. I'm happy that you remember that's how our camping trips roll...supposed to rain, though. :-(.
      Yes, Mrs. Penwasser once again has no interest in joining us.

      Delete
  16. Looking forward to the view! I'm excited for your contest entry, and for the resurrection of Shag Carpet Toilet! Glad former champion Robyn convinced you to submit your hilarious story!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shag Carpet Toilet-like a case of the herpes. It just never goes away completely.
      I think that's because the shag is so close to your tushie, It's a breeding ground for all sorts of things.
      I promise, the new book will be done shortly after the new year.
      And it will be longer.
      That's a GOOD thing, right?

      Delete
  17. I'm pretty sure Blogger just ate my comment. Which sucks. Because it was long. Well done on getting the book put on CreateSpace. Hopefully you didn't have the same problem as me when I accidentally chose the wrong base cover, couldn't change it, and had to redesign the entire thing. Although the new cover actually does look pretty good. I still haven't gotten my first copy but I think they said it could take as long as September so I really hope it's good enough to sell so I don't have to wait another two months to get it going. Anyway, good luck with the writing contest and earning that sweet sweet money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm waiting until I have it before I suggest buying it. I hope it's not a load of crap (well, more than it was supposed to be, anyway).

      Delete