Monday, July 14, 2014

It's Always the Same

Each year, whenever I have my physical, I always hope that my doctor will forget to check my prostate.  

This year? 

He didn't forget



On the bright side, I'm as clean as a whistle.  Just not the type of whistle you'd like to use.  I'm just sayin'...

34 comments:

  1. So you won't be singing or whistling zip a dee do dah any time soon? lol

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    1. I will be farting in a nice bass note.

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  2. Because of you, all day long I'll be whistling the tune from "Bridge on the River Kwai" and seeing this guy grimacing.

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    1. I know. Good thing the doctor didn't use bayonets.
      Or a train.

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  3. When you've been in labor for 36 hours and pushed a gigantic baby out of your vagina, then you can complain. Otherwise, shut the hell up.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. See? That's always the same "blah, blah, childbirth nugget" which Mrs. Penwasser trots out. That, and the mammogram. But, she's never taken a shot in the 'nads or had an inconvenient boner when called up to the chalkboard. It all balances out, I think.

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    2. No. It does not balance out. Childbirth trumps everything.

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    3. Especially if you gave birth to Shaquille O'Neal.

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  4. My doctor apologizes about 5 times while he's doing mine.

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  5. I remember Scrappy getting one. He said, "ROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

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    1. Funny, that's pretty much what I said.

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  6. What? You don't do the E-How version? It starts off like this....
    Instructions
    1
    Relax before initiating the self exam. In order to reach the prostate, it will be necessary to move past the sphincter muscles in the a

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    1. You were cut off before you finished. Now I have my finger up my ass. What am I supposed to do now?

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  7. Hope he forgets!?! I drop trow and present while waiting for the doc to arrive (male or female, I'm not picky about whoever is kindly enough to diddle my rusty bike rim). This can lead to embarrassment when a nurse arrives, but it's worth it to have a societally approved person other than my spouse touch my nether regions. But I'm considerate, I bring my own lubrication. Insurance premiums aren't going up because of me...even though I go to the doctor twice weekly.

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    1. I just worry when I see two hands on my shoulders.

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  8. I'm yet to have my prostate examined but each year I crawl closer and closer to that inevitable moment.

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    1. When that happens, having your blood drawn will seem less painful than pulling a nose hair.

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  9. I hope he offered to cuddle

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  10. I've never had a prostate exam. I am pleased to hear that you passed yours though. Does the doctor give you a grade? An A+ prostate would look great on a resume.

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    1. When he was done he said, "It looks good." Good grief!!! He had his head up there!?

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  11. Once per year sounds a bit excessive. I suspect one of you is enjoying it a little too much!!

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    1. Once a year since I was 40. You'd think my doctor would at least give me a ring.

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  12. There must be a doctor in America who says "Am I good, baby?" when his finger is probing up there. I think you have a duty to find this man and hire him. Who knows - it might be a woman.

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  13. You've given me a new visual for the term, "Up yours!" Al. Did he blow too? Did he blow the whistle? Oh Al, why must you always get me started?

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    1. I would have farted when he was up there, but I was afraid he'd dislocate his shoulder.

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  14. Replies
    1. They tell me it's the smart thing to do. Now watch me get run over by a bus.

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  15. Don't you normally celebrate your birthday by having a physical? If so, then happy belated birthday, Al! Glad you got a clean bill of health, and I hope your doctor washed his hands before he dove into the cake! Gosh, I hope I'm right, I'd hate to make a fool of myself here of all places.

    Julie

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    1. I do, very good! Except this time, they had no openings on my birthday (I normally like to do that just for the goof) so I had to have it a few days later. But I DID have my birthday donuts afterward!

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    2. It was worth it for the donuts then! Glad you had a nice birthday!

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  16. He could at least buy you dinner and drinks first.

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