Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Oh, Canada!!!


  The mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, has been getting a lot of press south of the border and around the world.   This international laughingstock, an admitted substance-abuser, has been recently stripped of most of his powers.  But, Canadians being who they are, it apparently was done very politely.  Although, from the video clip I saw, Hizzoner didn't take the news all that well as he bowled over a lady councilwoman (NOTE:  "Lady" and "councilwoman" may be redundant.).  For all I know, though, maybe she was standing between him and a plate of cheeseburgers.

"Coulda been worse.
Coulda stripped me of my trousers, eh?"
  I think the only thing the Toronto City Council will let him do now is throw out the first pitch.  At Montreal Expos games.  And do Chris Farley impersonations.

"Ja.  I vil crush you.
Oh, wait. I'm a Swede playing a Russian.
Crap.  Never mind.
You still don't want to
piss off the Germans, though."
 Anyway, like I said, he's been getting a lot of air time here in the United States.  Embroiled as we are in the ugliness pursuant to Obamacare, the murders at Benghazi, NSA snooping, the Nancy Pelosi sex tape, spying on Angela Merkel (never a good idea to piss off Germans), fudged unemployment numbers, immigration, trying to keep nukes out of the hands of Iran, IRS intrusion, same-sex marriage, gun control,  and sequestration, it takes our minds off our troubles.

  Still, for what it's worth, Canada, you've got a lot of ground to make up before you can even think about being in the same league as us.

  After all, we've got....
A Weiner


A Dick


A Boner



A Pig


A Cow


An Elephant


A Baboon


A Moose

A Horse


A Jackass



A Carrot


A Skank


But I repeat myself...


A Boo Boo



???????????????


and
I think you've met....




     So, you can keep your beautiful country, clean air, hockey, wide open spaces, syrup, and lack of crime, Canada.  You may have one nut, but we have the whole bowl.


USA!  USA!  USA! 

I just found out that the Beebs is Canadian, too.
 So, we still lead you guys, like a million to two. 

    For those masochistic Canadians who are politely demanding that I take Celine Dion into consideration, as well, I must say that I did consider mentioning her.  But, Celine, while annoying, isn't embarrassing.  At least I don't think she is.

"Besides, I'm French-Canadian and have enough problems.
N'est ce pas?"



41 comments:

  1. Just found out Beiber was from Canada? Look up about him meeting the Prime Minister Stephen Harper. He came dressed in backwards hat and overalls. Seriously...

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    Replies
    1. He truly is a credit to his...no, check that. The little putz is a credit to no one.

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  2. Wasn't that Pelosi tape actually a 3some with her, Boehner and Kerry. That's what I heard. Ewwwwww. Al, you are a riot! Great post.

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  3. Replies
    1. Just don't pet them. I think the pig, especially, carries STDs.

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  4. I love that all of "our" nuts span all the race and political spectrum. That's equal opportunity! :)

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    Replies
    1. All races, all ages, all political persuasions, all income brackets...all are lampoon fodder.

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  5. LOL Umm the expos have been gone for like a decade, guess he's screwed there too. Poor guy will have to go back to crack

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was HOPING that somebody would catch that!

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    2. The best comedy (or the drivel I write) is subtle and understated.

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  6. You're so funny :) Glad I know where to go for a good laugh, thanks for sharing!

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    Replies
    1. I'd share my prom pictures, too, but I don't want to elicit revulsion.

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  7. I was feeling really good about this post until you presented the portfolio of infamous Americans. Thank god I still have enough Halloween candy left to provide me with a sugar high.

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    Replies
    1. Just don't let Christie anywhere near it.

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  8. Yeah, Celine Dion is snobby, but I don't understand why people hate her. They say her singing sunk the Titantic. I have my doubts. But Bieber is worth at least two jackasses. We're still far ahead of (behind) Canada.

    xoRobyn

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    Replies
    1. And to think I could have posted even more.

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  9. The great thing about America is that however many you list, you can always think of more. If Celine Dion offered to massage your back with her chin, would you say no?

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    Replies
    1. As the old joke goes....
      "You know, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers."
      [Looks down at his crotch]
      "Right, Crackers?"

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  10. I will never forgive Canada for Justin Bieber and Nickleback.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least Madonna came back to her home country.
      Wait. That's not a good thing.

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  11. I guess you don't want to go with me to see my skanky idol Cher in May huh? LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, not a big fan. In a twist to what I told Steve above....
      I WOULD kick her out of bed, crackers or no.

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  12. LOL Grand post Sir Al.
    And I don't think you left anyone out but I'm sure we always have a crazy or two waiting in the wings.My son wrote that Fleshy Ford said he wants to be Prime Minister. He is delusional. What a country! Are we infecting our neighbors?

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    Replies
    1. Oh my, I could have gone on and on and on.

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  13. Ford should have been the Governor of Illinois. Then if he got arrested for drunk driving or using crack and went to prison, he could join our other Governors. ILLINOIS - where our license plates are PERSONALLY made by our GOVERNORS.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I just told Manzie, I could have gone on and on.
      For example, I DID think to post a picture of Blagojevich, but changed my mind to make room for Marilyn Manson.

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  14. Replies
    1. Between Washington and Hollywood and all the points in between.....

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  15. Oh Al, I definitely think that this post is one of your best this year and that's saying something, I can't stop laughing. Canada beats the worse of the worst in the USA though just by having that little rat Bieber, as if their mayor wasn't bad enough as it is haha!

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    Replies
    1. It would be hard to beat the crack-smoking mayor of Washington and the governor of California (two I didn't choose to post. There...are...so...many).

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  16. I actually do like the Baboon and Boo Boo from the list :) The rest are plain ebil.
    And we do love Celine, she's the pride and joy of Canada if you ask me as a foreigner.

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    Replies
    1. Truth be told, me too (the baboon, I mean).

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  17. I have no idea what this was about I just scrolled down and looked at the pictures and had a laugh so all good.................lol

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    Replies
    1. It is to laugh,after all. You don't have any lunatics down under, do you?

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  18. This post had me laughing hysterically!! Kinda depressing to think this list doesn't even scratch the surface.

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    Replies
    1. You are so right. Why, the Kardashians alone could be an entire post.

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  19. These were all great, but the Kerry photo was my favorite. I'll never be able to look at him again without thinking of the Mr. Ed song!

    Julie

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  20. Well our "nut" is going to try and become Prime Minister.

    And if he does, I am voting for him.

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    Replies
    1. Far be it from me to criticize any other country's head of state!

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