Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Did You Know II?

WARNING:  The following contains two mentions and a picture of Sarah Palin.  You've been warned.


Yeah, imagine that.
But, you gotta feel sorry for the polar bears.
They don't have enough problems,
now they have to worry about blood rushing to their heads?
Well, at least the penguins won't fly off into space anymore.
      During my last post, we discussed which day could more appropriately be called the first day of the week.  I'd sum up, but I'm going on vacation tomorrow.  Which is Sunday.  The first day of the week.  Or is it?

    To catch up, you can select "Older Post" down at the bottom.  See?  Right there, below and to the right of some goofy little ad for golf or big bellies.

    If you're paying attention, you'd know that this is Tuesday.  The third day of the week.  Or is it?  

    This means that this post is on delay.  Hey, don't complain.  I could've flung a "repost" at you.  How'd you like a Christmas story, smart guy?  Don't think I didn't consider it.  

    But, I had to finish what I started last night.  Which was Saturday.  The last day of the week.  Or is it?

    In other words, Great Googli Moogli, Al, get on with it already!


**********

    Part of my point with the last post was that societal conventions
Unsure why these only come
from the Southern Hemisphere.
often color the way we perceive our world.  Western Culture has it so that we view the globe with "all the white people" (well, not all, but you get my meaning) "on top."  Everyone else is lumped down "below" with the Africans, South Americans,  Australians, and New Zealanders.


    NOTE:  Aussies and Kiwis, despite being "down under" (so that's where that came from!), you're still in the club, so to speak.

    Keep this in mind when you consider the following questions. 

    NOTE:  For my non-American friends, I'm sorry you may be lost on some of this.  By all means, feel free look at the pictures, though.

    Which state is...

    Farthest North?  That's pretty easy.  Alaska.  If you're talking about the "Lower 48,"  then it's Minnesota.

"Alaska!?
I knew I shoulda taken that
right toin at Albuquerque!"
  Farthest South?  Once again, kinda easy.  Hawaii.  Plus, they 
have women in bikinis.  So, I'm pretty cool with that.  For the "continental" U.S. (which is kind of a gyp, because Alaska is on the North American continent.  But they have Sarah Palin which means people like to leave them alone) it's Florida.  They also have women in bikinis.                                          
                                                So, it's a Geography "Win-Win."

    Farthest West?  Alaska once again.  Okay, Washington in the "lower" states.
Semisopochnoi Island.
Or a set from the Lord of the Rings.
    Farthest East?  Here's where cultural bias comes into play.  The answer is Alaska!  Why? you might ask.  Well, I'm here to tell you that one of the Aleutian Islands lays (or is that "lies"?  Who the frik knows?  If you want grammar, ask a nun) in the 
See?  I know it's wicked blurry.
That's so Sarah Palin can't see
you from her front porch.  
Eastern Hemisphere (179 degrees to be exact).  Many, many people would have said Maine because any doofus looking at a map would see  Maine on the right ("east") and Alaska wayyyyyy over to the left ("west").  


    To that I say, sure, if you're a Westerner (specifically an American) who looks at a map with North America in the center.


"Two outta four!
You betcha!!
Suck it, Maine!!"
      But, if anyone challenges you, ask that person when does "east" end?  If they're honest, they'll say that it ends east of Semisweet (whatever) Island.  
  
    Yeah, like they even know what it's called.  I didn't even know until I Googled it.

    Sure, Maine is the practical 
answer and I'll go along with that if anyone pulls a gun on me. Or a lobster.

"Ayuh, thaht's right, Mistah Man.
Now why don't you take your fahncy smaht ass ways
back to New Yawk where you came from?
Cawksuckah."

    Threat of crustacean assault notwithstanding, you'll be sure to win any bar bet if you say Alaska.


Brokenhearted when his answer of "Maine" was wrong,
Clarence tried to commit suicide.
    Of course, if the subject of geography ever comes up over a pitcher, you may want to question your choice of bars.

    Better you should visit TGIT in Dubai.  I hear they have hookers there.  Who wouldn't know the Persian Gulf from a Gulf Station in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
    
"Well, better there than this bleak ass Aleutian island."

29 comments:

  1. Alaska really is the place for pinning everything negative on haha, ignoring the fact Sarah Palin is from there, it's just an easy option. Great post buddy, good point about the kiwi polish too!

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    1. Freeze your ass off,get eaten by a polar bear, or have Sarah Palin over for dinner.
      Better you should live in New Jersey.

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  2. Today I'm SOOOOOO going to say "Cawksuckah" to someone and see if they tell me to kiss their mannerly southern ass.

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    1. I have to admit, I first heard that term years ago. We were making fun of Maine cops busting a lobster smuggling ring: "Yew put that lobstah down real slow or I'll drahp yew where yew stahnd, you cawksuckah."

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  3. This is a good argument for selling Alaska to the Canadians, which would really suit them with all the moose and elk. Then sell Hawaii to a Hollywood syndicate led by Charlie Sheen, who would turn the place into a pleasure park. I'd much rather answer trick quiz questions about Charlie Sheen than geography.

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    1. But would trust Charlie Sheen around women in bikinis?

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  4. I hope that urnial was bleached, if not it was the janitors of alaska's fault

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    1. At least they left one of those urinal mints.

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  5. silly islands, stay in your hemisphere!

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  6. Just like Americans. They're EVERYwhere.

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  7. Ayuh I always wondered who decided in what part of the world east ends and west begins... Same with the days of the week. How do we know which one was REALLY the first one?

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    Replies
    1. For all we know it could have been Tuesday.
      Which may not even have been CALLED Tuesday.

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  8. This is the second mention of Alaska I've encountered today. I also learned today that the state bird of Alaska is the mosquito.

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    1. Wonder how long it will be before Alaska is mentioned again?

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  9. I will have to go read older post. A photo from Northern Exposure would have been appropriate here. I loved that show.

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    Replies
    1. You're right. I forget about that show! It was a good one.

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  10. Can't you guys just stay in one place? But Alaska does have one thing going for it, one town's mayor is a cat. Some smart people there.

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    Replies
    1. Somebody should just duct tape us somewhere.

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  11. In spite of their mutual Republican/we're-better-than-the-rest-of-the-country leanings, I'll betcha Texas has a beef with Alaska. That Johnny-come-lately dared to usurp its status as the largest state.

    One thing about Sarah Palin: you have to admit, she's come up with some doozie quotes. My favorite, which I actually tend to agree with, is "If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made meat so tasty."

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    1. Ah, but Texas will always have the Alamo!

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  12. I'm bummed. I would have said Maine, too!

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    1. Most people do. I even got in an argument with a teacher who said Maine. Another teacher, when asked which state was farthest east said-I am NOT kidding-North Carolina. When I asked her why, she said "because that's what the book said."

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  13. Alaska, the one place we didn't kill all the natives after turning them into alcoholics....or....wait did we do that too?
    I would move to Alaska if it was... say in Tennessee or something!

    I must say Alaska is good for something...it gives me a TV program to watch on Tuesday nights!

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    1. I've always wanted to see Alaska. I hear you can also see Russia from there.

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  14. Gotta say Al, the lobster picture? You totally nailed the accent. :)

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    1. Ayuh, thahts whut cums outta livin theyah fuh sevruhl yeeahs.

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  15. I'm lost and unsure which way to go here. Nothing clever is guiding me. The Main thing I wanna say is I'm lousy at geography, but I would guess Sarah Palin lays and lies in all directions.

    Love that Bugs Bunny line; one of my favorites.

    xoRobyn

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    1. You can usually always find something in a Bugs Bunny cartoon which applies.
      "Pismo Beach and all the clams you can eat!"
      I could go on...

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  16. Believe me, I think Ms. Palin is a dufus of the first order, but I feel a strange stirring when I see her. Maybe it's the moose scent perfume she wears.

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