Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Saturday, May 25, 2013
|"Hey, didja hear they're making a remake with Jeff Bridges in your role?"|
"They had to, dumbass. I die in 1979."
"Oh...yeah. Well, they could have used me. Why'd they use Matt Damon instead of me?"
"Well, first, Glen, you'll be too old. Plus, you suck."
In the 1969 movie, True Grit (for which John Wayne won his only Academy award for Best Actor With an Eye Patch), Rooster Cogburn (played by the aforementioned Mr. Wayne) is standing on a ferryboat (as opposed to a fairyboat. That goes from Provincetown to Boston), with Texas Ranger La Boeuf (played by Glen Campbell, who did not win for Best Actor with a Cowlick).
Rooster is admiring the daring of waif Mattie Ross (played by Kim Darby, who should have won for Best Actress Who Most Resembles Justin Beiber) as she crosses some river in Arkansas (I think. Who the frik knows?) while desperately trying to remain on top of her horse (this would sound way dirty in Tijuana).
Rooster smiles and says, "She reminds me of me."
NOTE: Please excuse my liberal use of all those parentheses. I had a whole bunch left over from the A-Z Challenge and I needed to get rid of them before the end of the month.
|"So, that's what more than one of us is called. |
I always thought it was platypusses."
At least I don't wear an eyepatch.
If you like the kind of stuff you find here,
Her commentary is often hilarious of a make-you-laugh-out-loud-so-much-that-milk-comes-flying-out your-nose-which-makes-Mrs. Penwasser-scream-"I'M-NOT-CLEANING-THAT-MESS-UP-YOU-KNOW!"
Without the Mrs. Penwasser part.
Plus, she has pictures. Quite a few pictures. With captions. Now that's right up my alley (NOTE: Often heard in a gay bar). And probably yours (NOTE: Often heard in a swinger's club).
Let's face it, pictures grab your attention. And pictures with
Thanks to the A-Z Challenge, I have more than just a bunch of parentheses laying around. I was also fortunate to be visited by Valerie which caused me to return the favor.
I'm glad I did. I have yet to find a clunker, unlike the occasional goose egg you'll find here. One of them, a post about how how she wishes she were a phone virus, was so funny I avoided drinking milk.
And put up with the hassle of typing in the link so you could automatically go to it. If for nothing else, have a look at how she handles a wrong number. You'll learn a lot about Pluto.
Apparently, it's no longer a planet.
|"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mickey Mouse's dog. I get it. |
But, at least my name doesn't make middle school boys laugh.
|"Why do you use Word Verification, why??? |
And there's still no pictures in 50 Shades of Gray!!!"
Anyway, do yourself a favor and have a look at her blog. I don't often recommend blogs, but when I do, I recommend Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi.
|"Stay laughing, my friends."|
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Monday, May 20, 2013
|"All...I...want...to...do...is blog! |
And get rid of this swelling on my forehead.
I look like Popeye's son.
If Popeye's son was the frikkin' Elephant Man."
You may have noticed I haven't been around all that much lately.
I've been overcome by life and can't visit here as much as I'd like. A fairly significant family event has occurred which has taken me to Virginia twice in the past week. As much as I enjoy visiting the Old Dominion (and the chance to buy beer in a supermarket...something you can't do in Pennsylvania. I think it's an Amish thing), I would just as soon not have gone.
That, combined with my job, the fact that I umpire several softball games a week (Translation: I get yelled at several times a week ) and my other blog for a local news organization (for which I get paid just as much as I do for Penwasser Place), means my blogging here has taken quite a hit.
I fully expect things to turn around eventually. Probably sooner rather than later. My trips to Virginia have come to an end, the end of softball draws near, and my job will soon terminate (NOTE: This is probably not a good thing, fiscally speaking). At any rate, things could get back to normal really quick. I plan on visiting your blogs as much as I can and will write hilarious commentary (or the crap I usually do) as soon as possible. At the very least, I'll post pictures which tickle my funny bone.
Or some porn.
Everybody loves porn.
Well, maybe nuns.
Hopefully, you won't notice much of a change.
In any case, I just wanted you all to know.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Well, the A-Z Challenge has come and gone. For 30 days (actually 26, because we had the Lord's Day off. Amen), you were treated (?) to posts on Afghanistan, Kublai Khan, Vlad the Impaler, Scandinavian flags, and so on.
After my final post, I decided to take a hiatus to recharge my creative batteries (creative...yeah...let's use that word). Oh sure, there have been a couple of Facebook Funnies since then and a sign which compelled us to wash our bums. But, to tell you the truth, I wrote those in March.
Over the past week, I've noticed there are several pictures left over which I didn't use in my posts. Either through lack of room or that I completely forgot about them, they never made it. So, to clean out my computer and because it will give me a little more time before I need to write something new, may I present (in no certain order)....
A-Z Challenge Unused Pictures of Questionable Merit
I was wrong.
Apparently, real elephants only have one set of tusks. And are only scared by mice, not Greeks. Unless they're naked Greeks. Those would scare anybody. Especially if it was a naked Anthony Quinn.
When I was researching the history of underwear, I Googled "jockeys." I suppose I should have been more specific.
Hey, what I used this picture for is my business. What are you complaining about anyway? I gave you a picture of Sea Slugs "doing it."
Have I mentioned I love the internet?
Okay, after the past two pictures, I got a little greedy and Googled "thongs."
So, unless you have a foot fetish, this one was pretty much a bust.
Speaking of bust, did you see that picture of Marilyn Monroe?
Hey!! How did that get in here??
Give me a picture of thongs any day!
These were Mound Builders. From Oklahoma. I think. Or a group of Aztecs telling each other that that Cortes fellow wasn't a bad sort.
I planned on using this for my post on Hell.
It's either a still from Disney's Fantasia.
Or Dick Cheney's Senior picture.
This is a picture of Andrew Jackson and a Native-American.
Who should have scalped Old Hickory's ass when he had the chance.
NOTE: Ass-Scalping never really caught on.
This was either for the post on Popes...
Or a call of Safe! at the Annual Vatican City-Tehran Softball and Beheading Classic.
Bad-ass Russian dude from the James Bond movie From Russia With Love.
This was going to go in my Russia post (which I think would be obvious).
He wasn't Russian, didn't have blond hair, was killed by the shark in Jaws, and is no kidding, for real dead.
Another Russian dude.
I was going to use this for Oklahoma. But it's the state flag for Oregon.
I was way off.
But, seriously, are Oregonans so numb they have to have the state's name on the flag so they don't confuse it with Hawaii's?
Oh, hell, I don't remember.
But, it's marmalade. Or jelly. Or jam. Or preserves. Crap, where's the Food Network when you need them?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!!!!!
More guys in their underwear!!!
What's this blog coming to????
Clearly, I need to post something a little more manly....
|Why in the world do I still have THIS???|
Luckily, though, I still have this!
|And between Scarlett and the picture of that Russian gymnast, |
that's all I need!
So let's just put the A-Z Challenge behind us for another year.
Prepare for 12 months of no redeeming social value.
You've been warned.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Thursday, May 2, 2013
The A-Z Challenge is over.....who's up for the return of Facebook Funnies?