Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Titanic


'T' is for Titanic
"Hey, if we hurry, maybe we can catch a Broadway play.
And get a Big Gulp before Bloomberg gets elected."
    RMS Titanic was the largest ship afloat (well, for a few days) in the world.  Built in Belfast, Ireland by a bunch of Irishmen (I'm thinking that would go without saying) who didn't pass the entrance exam to be Boston policemen, this leviathan (NOTE:  snooty word which can also mean 'whale.'  Or 'Oprah.') set sail on her maiden voyage from Southampton on April 10, 1912.  

    Her destination?  New York City.  After a stop at Cherbourg, France, to pick up some rude people and a brief visit back to Ireland to pick up a couple guys who re-studied for that test, she turned her course westward to America.

While most scholars blame an iceberg,
the Titanic actually struck Celine Dion.
    Five days after leaving the United Kingdom, she (always 'she.'  Must be that 'Oprah' connection) struck an iceberg while a lot of the passengers were probably asleep, drunk, or wondering what the hell Leonardo Di Caprio and that English chick were doing in that Model T down in steerage. 

"You mean the water could
come over the bulkheads?
Huh, never saw that coming."
    A few hours later, the "Unsinkable Titanic" (irony!!!) lay on the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean, a victim of man's hubris and stunning demonstration of the floatation qualities of metal.  Remarkably, the "Unsinkable Molly Brown" survived, to be played by Kathy Bates.

    Thousands perished (well, not thousands, but a lot), the reputation of the White Star Lines was sullied, and the world fretted over the perils of oceanic travel.

"Okay, sure, it's plenty frikkin' cold.
But, I got Leonardo DiCaprio's autograph."
    Luckily, World War I started only a couple years later.  So, it pretty much took everybody's mind off it.

    Sinking of the Titanic:  Pity the Wright Brothers didn't invent 747s huh?






EPILOGUE:  Also on this day, German astro-physicist (aka "smart frikkin' guy") A. Massinger discovered asteroids Sorga and Tjilaki lurking behind his shed.  Rushing into his house, bragging about his noteworthy accomplishment, he was brought up short by his wife, Mrs. A. Massinger, "Big deal.  You hear about how that ship hit an ice cube and killed Leonardo Di Caprio, but not that English chick?"
A. Massinger
Noted astro-physicist, author of multiple scientific journals, founder of two asteroids
But, you can't even find his picture on Google.
Sometimes, timing is everything

37 comments:

  1. Overshadowed by a Celine Dion song. I wouldn't want my picture up either.

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  2. Tiredtanic - needed a rest.

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  3. I think it sunk because Kathy Bates was on the ship.

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    1. That's what gave it a severe list to port.

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  4. I think you're right Al, maybe it didn't strike anything, maybe Celine Dion's vocal chords destroyed the boat all by themselves. Honestly I have to represent Belfast and Northern Ireland on a whole and put our hands up in responsibility although we weren't the guys who declared it unsinkable I guess, well at least I hope haha, quality post buddy.

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    1. If I was God (wouldn't THAT be horrific), all I'd have to do is hear "unsinkable" and I'd be all, "Oh, yeah??"

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  5. If Celine Dion would have been there it never would have sunk. She could shatter the ice with her voice. Then they'd pitch her over the side.

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    1. That would be cruel to sea creatures.

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  6. Personally I liked Debbie Reynolds as The Unsinkable Molly Brown.

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    Replies
    1. Well, she was better looking than Kathy Bates. In fact, she still is.

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  7. "..a victim of man's hubris and stunning demonstration of the floatation qualities of metal. " The most excellent description of what happened I have ever heard.

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    1. Any chance I get to use the word 'hubris,' I take it.

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  8. I like how some companies have started making Titanic and iceberg ice cube trays. I should look into getting some.

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  9. Replies
    1. Yeah, we and the Europeans were all full of ourselves back then, weren't we?

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  10. The titanic would not have sunk had it struck that iceberg head on instead of turning. I keep this in mind when I'm driving.

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  11. Glad you got Dicaprio's autograph. Maybe you can sell it along with the violin they just found and make yourself a little fortune. (Did you hear about the violin? - it's big news in my little world. Do you remember the dudes playing as the ship was sinking? It's one of theirs. Don't ask me how it survived and the guys didn't!)

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    1. I just heard on the news that a letter from one of the musicians to his sold for thousands of dollars.

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  12. Sadly, I remember crying the first time I watch that movie.... Ahhh teenagers are so dumb (don't miss those days). Love the post!

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    1. I remember Rose's boobies.
      Yeah, I guess I'm that shallow.

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  13. Don't forget her sisters- Olympic and Brittanic.

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  14. The ship was a wussy! The guys on Deadliest Catch hit ice all the time. The worst they get is crabs!

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  15. I wish Celine Dion had been on the Titanic.

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  16. I wish Leo would have been killed off much earlier in the movie. To me, he was totally miscast into that role. It might have worked better if he played that role while in his Arnie Grape character...

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    1. But then we wouldn't have seen Rose's boobies.

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  17. Did you ever see that YouTube video of the fat guy lip syncing to that horrid Celine Deon song? It's probably one of the saddest things ever caught on film.

    Also, I still own Ms. deon a kick to the balls for that song being constantly stuck in my head for 3 months.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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  18. Glad you managed to slip that Big Gulp line in! I hope that you're donating your brain to science.

    Julie

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    1. Never let a wisecrack go to waste (especially since you STILL can get a large soda in New York. At least for now).

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  19. So that's what happened to the Iceberg - not content with bitch slapping the Titanic and taking out most of the cast it went on to become a mega selling Canadian pop star and continues to destroy lives to this day.....

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  20. Everyone talks about the Titanic but what about the other ship what was it called again........oh yeah the Californian........

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