|The Norwegian Flag|
|The Swedish Flag|
|The Finnish Flag|
|The Icelandic Flag|
|The Danish Flag|
Not a lot of room for originality in Scandinavia, huh?
|"Really? The basic cross design is good enough for us. |
We don't have a lot of time to come up with all these crazy flags.
We have to make a fire before we all freeze to death, you know."
Well, at least it's not...
|the Kenyan Flag. Whoa, is that a shield? In front of a couple spears? |
Geez-a-Lou, don't forget to tip in that country.
|Its capital, and largest city, is Oslo in the south. |
Where you're less likely to get frostbite.
Norway, more formally known as the Kingdom of Norway, occupies the western-most part of the Scandinavian peninsula (which is all that was left after the Swedes took up the good parts while the Norse went fishing).
The Norwegian people speak Norse, which I think is pretty close to the original Viking. It involves a lot of grunting and hawking things up. But, in the late 90's, the Norwegian government voted to ban the phrase, "Burn down the monastery and take all the women hostage." For fun, they fish, build fires, and make wagers on which body parts will freeze, get gangrene, and fall off.
|"If you find a nice, clean gas station|
can you stop, please?"
Makes Reyjvaik, Iceland
look like Ft. Lauderdale
Once we had completed our evaluation, we decided to head out into town for lunch. Choosing one of the two restaurants in town (there was a third, but it was closed for the 20th century), we sauntered in.
As I looked at the menu, I was determined to have authentic Norwegian cuisine. I could have had a hamburger or something called "Ancient Celtic Monk Head Under Glass," but I was torn between two choices sure to be illegal in the United States: Reindeer Stew or Whale Steak.
I picked the whale, because I really didn't want to queer my
|"Didja hear? Penwasser's going for the whale. |
Cross him off the 'naughty' list."
After my meal (which actually tasted like a cross between liver and beef), we walked outside and waited for our ride back to the base.
I looked up and saw the restaurant's name: "Tuppen Av Penis Hval."
Curious, I asked our interpreter, Sven (NOTE: NOT his real name, but it's been nine years, people. I'm lucky I remember MY name). Without a beat, our guide smiled and said, "It means, 'Tip of the Whale's Penis'. You know what that means, don't you?"
Gulping-and probably turning green-I answered, "It means I should have had the reindeer."
Santa Claus could go scratch.