Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Norway


'N' is for Norway


The Norwegian Flag

The Swedish Flag

The Finnish Flag

The Icelandic Flag

The Danish Flag

Not a lot of room for originality in Scandinavia, huh?
"Really?  The basic cross design is good enough for us.
We don't have a lot of time to come up with all these crazy flags.
We have to make a fire before we all freeze to death, you know."

Well, at least it's not...

the Kenyan Flag.  Whoa, is that a shield?  In front of a couple spears?
Geez-a-Lou, don't forget to tip in that country.  


Its capital, and largest city, is Oslo in the south.
Where you're less likely to get frostbite.
  Norway, more formally known as the Kingdom of Norway, occupies the western-most part of the Scandinavian peninsula (which is all that was left after the Swedes took up the good parts while the Norse went fishing).
  
  The Norwegian people speak Norse, which I think is pretty close to the original Viking.  It involves a lot of grunting and hawking things up.  But, in the late 90's, the Norwegian government voted to ban the phrase, "Burn down the monastery and take all the women hostage."  For fun, they fish, build fires, and make wagers on which body parts will freeze, get gangrene, and fall off.  

 
"If you find a nice, clean gas station
can you stop, please?"
I
  had the opportunity to visit Norway several years ago.  While stationed with the Navy in Iceland, we took one of our station aircraft to the Andoya Air Base, which is wayyyyyyy up at the top of the country.  Our purpose there was to conduct an evaluation of that station's facilities to host a proposed series of military exercises.

Andoya
Makes Reyjvaik, Iceland
look like Ft. Lauderdale
  Once we had completed our evaluation, we decided to head out into town for lunch.  Choosing one of the two restaurants in town (there was a third, but it was closed for the 20th century), we sauntered in. 

  As I looked at the menu, I was determined to have authentic Norwegian cuisine.  I could have had a hamburger or something called "Ancient Celtic Monk Head Under Glass," but I was torn between two choices sure to be illegal in the United States:  Reindeer Stew or Whale Steak.


  I picked the whale, because I really didn't want to queer my
"Didja hear?  Penwasser's going for the whale.
Cross him off the 'naughty' list."
chances when Christmas came around.  While I was almost certain that whole Santa Claus thing was jive, you can never be too careful.
   After my meal (which actually tasted like a cross between liver and beef), we walked outside and waited for our ride back to the base.

    I looked up and saw the restaurant's name:  "Tuppen Av Penis Hval."

    Curious, I asked our interpreter, Sven (NOTE: NOT his real name, but it's been nine years, people.  I'm lucky I remember MY name).  Without a beat, our guide smiled and said, "It means, 'Tip of the Whale's Penis'.  You know what that means, don't you?"

  Gulping-and probably turning green-I answered, "It means I should have had the reindeer."

   Santa Claus could go scratch.







36 comments:

  1. Never noticed how similar all the flags are, like a bunch of second graders got together and each had to color one different. And whale penis? There is something you can't eat everyday.

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    1. Good thing they got the BIG box of Crayolas.

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  2. Yep, ya shoulda had Donner's balls for dinner. He didn't have any anyway the way he treated his little boy Rudolph for a little ol' red shiny nose.

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    1. I was afraid to get a hoof stuck between my teeth.

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  3. I think that restaurant was named for the chunk of Scandinavia you put up in the picture - coz that's what I thought it was ya know! Then my brain kicked in and said "oh geez, that's a map ya eedjit!" Then I laughed. At myself. Then I laughed at you. You make my day Mr P - or night as it happens!

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    1. I looked at the map and saw what you saw. I don't think I could ever unsee that.
      Kinda sexy.

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  4. Those flags are like shopping for underwear, all the same thing, just different colors.

    LOL oh you had quite the snack. Did thing gets hung after words? How much do you tip for such a tasty tip? I could go on all day haha

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    1. If you're really hungry, I was told you should wear something provocative or play Barry White music. The steak gets bigger (or at least longer) then.

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  5. Al I'm never going to be able to unsee the unoriginality in these flags, something that I honestly never realised before, like you say they're almost practically identical, just with different colours, wow haha!

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    1. When you visit up there (or if you see them on any trip you may take), I hope you notice. And think of me.

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  6. What can you expect from the flags. Most of them were sorta one country in the olden days.

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  7. OMG! They sure eat some weird stuff up there! I wonder how it looked coming out the other end. Okay. That was a pretty bad visual. Now I think I'm going to go vomit.

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  8. You mean the Tuppen Av Penis Hval steak didn't taste like chicken? It was worth it just for that.

    At least the Norway flag is a little jauntier than the other Scandinavian flags.

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    1. Surprisingly, no. Or even a chicken's penis.
      As far as I know.

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  9. I've been to Iceland and Fort Lauderdale and I didn't think they looked alike.

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  10. What do you suppose belonged to the reindeer in the stew?

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  11. So a whale got circumcised so you could eat? You should find out whether that makes you an honorary rabbi.

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    1. Imagine that. He was probably tough to hold down.

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  12. So you had a supersize meal? I don't know from personal experience, gosh darnit, but I hear a whale has an enormous penis.

    xoRobyn

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    1. Not the white ones.
      I personally don't buy into that whole Moby Dick business.

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  13. Have u ever seen the size of a whale dong? That is why the ocean is so salty! Hey do you know the name of Moby Dick's father?
    Poppa Boner!

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    Replies
    1. I'll never open my mouth while swimming at the beach ever again.

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  14. Are you sure that's not a bug on Kenya's flag?

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    1. A bug with spears?
      I'll believe anything.

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  15. HAHAHAHA! What, the Norse don't have their own word for penis? They gotta use ours?

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    1. How do you know WE didn't take THEIR word for it?
      "Ja, sure, take my word for it, it's called 'penis.'"

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  16. Sorry that the third restaurant closed for the 20th century! This was one of your best navy stories ever! I'm sure you washed your mouth out with soap that night!

    Julie

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    1. I love going into my collection of Navy stories. Most of them are completely true. Or embellished.
      You can tell when something's been embellished when the first line is, "Now, this is no shit..."

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  17. I always thought that the Viking language mainly consisted of finishing my beer then bludgeoning someone to death with my fancy ginormous cup.

    I've been doing it wrong all these years...

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. No, no, that's pretty much last call at a Reykjavik pub. So you're good.

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  18. Replies
    1. I don't care how healthy it's purported to be. I am NOT going to eat a whale's end!

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