Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Iceland


'I' is for Iceland

"Well, sure....it may never get light out in the winter, we have no nude beaches,  Arctic Disney closed when they opened up Epcot Reykjvaik (using Norwegians, for Odin's sake), our soccer team sucks, we can never find a decent ski resort (no shit), sheep heads are a delicacy, there are more people in Detroit than in our entire country,  you'd think we had a great hockey team (we don't), when it doesn't snow, it rains, when it doesn't rain, the wind is blowing like a bastard, Columbus always gets the frikkin' credit for discovering America, we like to think we can play basketball, but how many Icelanders are in the NBA?-yeah-that's what I thought, we don't have Batman, or Obama (to be honest), our leading industry is...hey, what is our leading industry?, volcanoes could wipe us out at any time, unless the glaciers get us first, it's possible for four people in the same family to have four different last names, the sun never goes the frik down in June, the U.S. has the bald eagle, we have those dumbass puffins, yeah, yeah, yeah, Iceland is green and Greenland is icy, but, still, you try wearing shorts and get back to me when your testicles jump inside your body, going out to eat in Iceland?  Two words:  shark entrails, we get cramps in our tongue trying to pronounce our names, no trees, but then again, no raking in October, Iceland has the world's oldest parliament, but do you think anyone has run a dustmop there?, we have no military, we mow our lawns with a weed-whacker, and, if we go for a walk after bars close, we may lose our way, fall down, and die of exposure.  In August.   But, on the bright side, our women are beautiful, we have plenty to drink, and Penwasser has been gone for eight years!!"

45 comments:

  1. On a serious note Al would you say that you miss it at all? I have to admit that it doesn't sound like the most appealing place to live in for too long, the no military thing is weird as well. Winter in Iceland must be terrible and literally very depressing because of the lack of sunlight.

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    1. I do miss it and would like to see it again. Don't know if I ever will and that makes me sad. It is surprising that Iceland has no military (but NATO pretty much did that job). Now? Nobody there anymore. But, its strategic value hasn't changed.
      You really get used to winter. It's not as bleak as you'd think.
      The summer is what was really weird.

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  2. Oh, well in that case, I'M SO THERE!! When do we leave?

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    1. Icelandair has flights leaving from BWI, Newark, Boston, and (if you feel like a little drive) Minneapolis.

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  3. heeheeheeheeheeheehee.....*snort*.....heeeheeheeheeeheee! You kill me.

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  4. My mother's best friend is from Iceland and at first I couldn't understand her but she's just a cooky as my mum so I guess that's why they get on so well.

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    1. And our neighbor (and best friend) while we were there was from Scotland.
      Ain't THAT kooky?

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    2. At least there was ONE name you could pronounce.

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    3. She was hard to understand too, though. :-)

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  5. Volcanoes, there is something to be proud of that and from what I gather getting rid of you.

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    1. The folks in Pompeii used to be proud.
      I've been there, too.
      Although not in the 1st century.

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  6. still better than (no)greenland

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    1. While I've never been, I have flown over Greenland. Looks like a LOTTA snow.

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  7. After sheep head I officially never want to go there, but on the bright side if ones testicles jump inside their body and you piss someone off, won't hurt as much.

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    1. They really think of sheep head (and rotted shark) as a delicacy.
      Yeesh.

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  8. Hm, sounds a lot like Finland, which, I'm told, is covered in ice. *grins*

    Yeah, I'd be the one dying of exposure after too many margaritas ~

    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

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    1. Lost in a snow bank....bam!...instant human fish stick.

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  9. If a man wanted a sex change, would you say just visit Iceland in the winter?

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    1. JUmp in the water and-presto!-singing falsetto.
      Seriously, though, there are a LOT of outdoor community pools (heated, of course) and they love their hot tubs (which they call hot pots). In fact, I was at one such hot pot in Keflavik on Christmas Eve, 2003.

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  10. I'd love to visit Iceland - despite your blog today!
    Visiting from the A-Z Challenge
    Paula Martin

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    1. It actually is a very beautiful country.
      Without a whole lotta trees.

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  11. Hubby spent a year in Greenland...wasn't crazy about that, either.

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    1. Even though I'm glad I was stationed there, I'm also glad I was there for only 18 months.

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  12. Ha ha, this rant was hilarious! Everyone moans about their own country, but deep down you love it, right? Right?

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    1. Actually...yeah. Yeah, I do. I was very happy I had the chance to go there.

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  13. No nude beaches but don't they have lots of thermal hot springs? Some of those must be clothing optional.

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    1. I'm sure there are. But, I didn't see any where I'd like to see the ladies (or heaven help me, men) with their clothes off.

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  14. It sounds pretty. Are there hot men there too? I know you weren't looking, but did you happen to notice?

    xoRobyn

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    1. I suppose they were good looking, although I'd be disturbed if I thought so. I suppose they had that whole Nordic thing going on. Plus-and I'm not kidding-they were like Klingons when they got all drunk. They'd fight like Vikings and then they'd be the best of friends.

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  15. Damn, hope there's enough antidepressants to go around!

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    1. It's the plum wine.
      As you may imagine, there's a whole lotta drinkin' goin' on during the winter.

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  16. I want to visit here now more than ever!! It may be the shark entrails...

    Hugs!

    Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi

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    1. Shark does have that effect on people.

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  17. Last week I watched a show about the volcano eruptions in Iceland.
    I remember you saying that they didn't sue over people doing moronic stuff because they were a moron to have done it.
    I could learn to love it there.

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    1. The volcanic ash grounded air traffic for several days. That would have affected us, because we used the same runways that the International Airport uses (in fact, the US built them-NOT because we're super swell people but because we wanted to use runways, too).
      The Icelanders are firm believers in Darwin's theory about winnowing down the herd of morons. I kinda like that.

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  18. The lack of military is not a bad thing, in my book ;)

    I haven't visited Iceland before but definitely want to!

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    1. The lack of military is a good thing. Until crazy people come knocking at your door. Unfortunately, nothing in human history would convince me that we will ever rid ourselves of crazy people (e.g., Kim Jong Un). And, unfortunately for Iceland, they lie smack dab in the middle of the Atlantic sealanes.
      You should visit Iceland if you get a chance. It's pretty cool (no pun intended).

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  19. Wasn't Iceland recently voted the friendliest place on Earth too?

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    1. I think it was. I'll say this about Iceland: while the people are initially aloof, they really do warm up to you. And they love children.

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  20. 18 months seems like a long time to be stationed at a place like that. I'm glad the family was able to stay home for that assignment!

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    1. Actually, the family accompanied me for a year. In fact, the only reason they came back early was so that the kids could start the school year in September, rather than changing schools in January. They may have said they hated it, but as they've gotten older, they realize just how much of an opportunity it was. Plus, they got a dog.

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  21. Iceland is a place that I HAVE to visit in my lifetime!

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    1. You really should. It has a stark beauty that shouldn't be missed.

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