Thursday, April 4, 2013

David


'D' is for David


"Hmm, ya know, it might not be such a bad idea
to put some trousers on before I go meet up with that Goliath fella.
Slingshot'd be nice, too."

  One of the seminal (NOTE:  Sounds dirty, but isn't) works of the Renaissance, the statue of the Biblical hero David was sculpted by Michelangelo between 1501 and 1504, to ease a stiff neck he got from that Sistine Chapel gig.  Michelangelo was one of the greatest artists of his day.  Well, besides that show-off, Leonardo Da Vinci, who painted, sculpted, juggled, arranged flowers, and provided inspiration for Tom Hanks movies.  
  
  At least Michelangelo's middle name wasn't "Da."
  
"Hey, can someone give me a hand here?
I've got a wicked itch."
  I studied works of Art (or Fred) such as David in a college Art History class (aka "Art in the Dark"-anyone else take it?).  Anyway, our professor, a huge woman named Fran (who could beat the crap out of Rosie O'Donnell) dismissed the statue as flawed.  She sniffed that David's hands were way out of proportion to the rest of his body.  And he was not nearly as perfect as Venus de Milo.  Despite that whole "missing arms" thing.
  
  

His hands.  Yeah.  That's the first thing you look at. 

Michelangleo's David
Dolores' David

38 comments:

  1. I actually never really noticed his hands and how weird they looked. Not that I was always staring at his cock.

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  2. To this day, when I'm having a bad one, I watch the David Hasselhoff burger video... Then his music videos.

    It could always be worse!!

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    Replies
    1. And did you know...?
      His mother's name is actually Dolores.
      I'm tellin' ya, you can find ANYthing on the internet.

      Delete
  3. Holy David, PenMan .. you have a naked statue of a man with HUGE hands and a TEENSY peepee and this is all ya give us??? There were a million jokes right there? Are you saving them up for the letter "P"?

    Love yer work Mr P.

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    Replies
    1. Believe it or not, I tried to shorten it. My post! I was trying to shorten my post!
      Now, as for that other thing....

      Delete
  4. He does have a giant right hand that I never noticed before. Too bad we can't see his feet. Love the comparison to the other David. If only Kitt could have saved him from having his Happy Meal while he was buffing the floor.

    Julie

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    Replies
    1. I will admit this, when Fran pointed it out, I immediately thought:
      1. Fran wasn't into dudes.
      2. Fran could kick the crap out of me.
      3. Fran's flannel shirt looked really warm.

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  5. He has rippling thighs, like a catcher. Ever notice a BB catcher's thighs when he's in a squat?

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    Replies
    1. I usually avert my eyes. But, usually giggle when someone asks, "How many balls does the batter have?"

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  6. Not afriad to let it all hang loose, never really though about the middle name Da haha good one.

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    Replies
    1. I went to school with a guy who was called Hilario Da Silva (I am NOT making that up).
      Whenever talking about him, we referred to him as Silva, Hilario DA.
      In high school, he grew embarrassed and started calling himself 'Larry.
      Kept the "DA'" though.

      Delete
  7. I wonder who was the model for Venus. I bet she couldn't clap

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  8. "Psst, hey buddy, your penis is showing. Just a head's up."

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  9. Well, now that you mentioned it, I had to take a look at the hands and not that other body part. And yes, they are rather disproportionate! LOL!

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    Replies
    1. And, after all these years, huh? Fran was right.

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  10. I swear Al, anybody who could take on Rosie O'Donnell in a fight and win is not somebody that I want to be messing with, I'll accept what she thinks about this statue haha, believe me buddy.

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    Replies
    1. Especially from anyone who has more facial hair than I.

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  11. I confess...I was the model that inspired this sculpture

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  12. Sounds like Fran may have a little pent up frustration...

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    Replies
    1. She was an ANGRY elf.
      Well, she wasn't an ELF.
      But, she was ANGRY.

      Delete
  13. Oh, you are always there for a good laugh, Al. Funny though, I had to look back up at his hands to check. Then I wondered how big his feet were, you know, to get an idea of his... Then I realized, I didn't have to. Guess he has small feet.

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    Replies
    1. You know what they say about a guy with big feet, don'tcha?
      Big shoes.

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  14. That's like when I read an article about how Matthew McConaughey always stands a certain way because he has short arms. Isn't it strange that I never once noticed that?

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  15. Same with T. Rex. Voted "Sexiest Dinosaur Alive" by "Jurassic People."

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  16. I'm smiling... ;-) Couldn't possibly comment on David.

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  17. LOL! Thanks for the chuckle. Personally, I always notice David's hands first. Yeah. Right. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Even I don't notice his hands first.
      And feel very inadequate for the experience.

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  18. Now that you wrote that, his hands do look rather big compared to his...kneecaps. But David - flawed? Blashemy! Me thinks Fran played for the other team. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I don't think she appreciated men with big, beautiful...kneecaps.

    xoRobyn

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    Replies
    1. When she said that, I thought..."Golly, she's right. And I'd better NEVER piss her off."

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  19. David is my brother and have to say he is a great brother and doesn't look anything like those Davids..............lol

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    Replies
    1. So, you're saying he doesn't pose naked on a pedestal?
      That's probably for the best.

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