Monday, April 1, 2013

And So It Begins-Afghanistan



Welcome to the 2013 A-Z Challenge!

    This time around, instead of "winging it" by pulling topics from my as...encyclopedia, I've decided to adopt a theme.  Not only will it avoid the "hit and miss" aspect of the past (for instance, who could forget that truly dreadful "Lemonade" post from last year?  I really didn't have a good idea for "L."  Sorry), selecting a theme will give structure to which, quite frankly, is sometimes a lunatic asylum around here.

Oh yeah?
You should be so lucky
to live in my house.
Smartass punk.
   Having decided to do so, I then had to determine what my theme would be.  I considered porn.  After all, there are ample choices for each letter:  Anal, Bondage, Coprophilia (you can Google it, but, be warned...ewwwwwww), etc.  But, I didn't want to turn Penwasser Place into some sort of brothel, cathouse, or Charlie Sheen's house.  I don't have enough red light bulbs, 70s-style "swing" music, or leather ass-chaps.

    I also could have gone into something classy, like Famous Men and Women, Mutual of Omaha's The Animal Kingdom, or Farts I Have Known.  As cool as they would have been, somebody else was probably already doing those.  With the possible exception of that fart thing.  Unless it's under the heading, American Politics.
  
    After much thought, deliberation, and consultation with a Magic 8-Ball, I've decided that my theme will be History and its twisted stepsister, Geography (I know.  That's makes no sense to me, either).  For each of the next 26 posts, I'll be discussing one area of Social Studies (expect Economics, Psychology, and Sociology, which are also Social Studies.  Just the sucky ones).  I probably won't do a whole lot of research on my topics.  Primarily because it's work and, screw that, I don't want this to be work.  Plus, I'd like my posts to be a stinging indictment of the Connecticut Public School System.

    I'll do my best to keep them short (with the exception of this hideous intro).  Well, my 'K' entry ("Kublai Khan") is kind of long, but it's a repost which I originally wrote a couple years ago.  This was before I got lazy decided to be more concise in my writing.  So, suck it up.
  
   After all, I could be writing about "Lemonade."


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'A' is for Afghanistan
Flag of Afghanistan
Red for Courage, Black for Faithfulness, and Green for Ireland.
Which is just silly.
  Afghanistan.  
You may have heard about it.  

Crazy People.
Surrounded by a lot of crazy people.
Hey, but there's Australia.
Where it's now autumn.
Wrong Asia.
They don't even look Oriental.
  Afghani (which, I would think, goes without saying) for "Land of Afghans With Very Little Lavatorial Facilities," Afghanistan is a landlocked (NOTE: For those in the Detroit Public School System, that means not surrounded by water)  nation located in Southwesterncentral Asia (basically Asia).  It is bordered by Pakistan in the south/east, Iran (Persian for "Here There Be Lunatics") in the west, Turkmenistan/Uzbekistan/Tajikistan (that's more Stans than at a Polish-American mixer, huh?) to the north, China to the northeast, and the 21st Century everywhere else.
  
Afghanistan is the 42nd most populous nation in the world and is home to 30 million people.  It is also the 41st largest land area on Earth, just behind Michael Moore and Oprah.

That's it!  I will not live next door
to those crazy Talibans!
We're moving somewhere safe.
 Like Persia.
  Evidence of early civilization has been unearthed which shows that humans started calling Afghanistan their home somewhere around 3,000-2,000 BC (NOTE: I refuse to use the goofy "BCE-Before Common Era" convention.  In my opinion, it's a dumbass, politically-correct avoidance of "Before Christ."  Since nothing changes except the designation, it's stupid.  Ditto on my use of "AD" over "CE").  This was, according to Sister Caligula in the 8th grade, in the Middle Paleolithic Era.  So, they may have met the Flintstones.

  Part of the original Silk Road, it was a way station for merchants traveling from Europe seeking the riches of the Orient (much of which was "silk." Duh).  Unfortunately, since it was on the way to the Far East and the secret recipe of General Tso's Chicken, it has seen its share of invaders such as:  Alexander the Great, Warren the Not-So-Great, Genghis Khan, Kublai Khan, Wrath of Khan, Greco-Bactrians, Seleucids, Khosrau I, Parthians, Indo-Parthians, the Indian Maurya Empire, Kushans, Hepthalites, Rotarians, Kidarite Huns, Saffarids, Sylvester Stallone, Klingons, Ghaznavids, Orcs, Ghorids, Khiljis, Amish, the Traveling Wilburys, Mughals, Spanky and the Gang, Durranis, British, the New York Yankees, Russians, Soviets (basically, Russians with a chip on their shoulder), Mrs. Barton's 3rd grade class from P.S. #151, and, most recently, the Americans (who live 9,000 miles or so away and couldn't give a flying crap about silk, so....).


NOTE:  Some of the above groups may not be accurate.  I'm pretty sure about the Ghorids, but the Klingons may be bogus.
  

But not dogs.
Who had enough sense to get the hell out.
Ditto blankets.
    Afghanistan is the world's leading exporter of refugees, asylum-seekers, and covers of National Geographic.  Its language is Pashto and its capital is Kabul.  Its many tourist destinations include the International Airport in the capital from which you can travel to those areas of the world where your life isn't in so much danger.  Like Paris, the French Riviera, or Somalia.


  Afghanistan-Come for the history.  Stay for the dysentery!



Before we carry on with the lexicon lunacy, I would be remiss if I didn't extend my sincere thanks to Arlee Bird, founder of the A-Z Challenge.  Were it not for his guidance and mastery of getting us all together to churn out multiple posts for which we don't get paid, why, all I'd have to do is play "Words With Friends."  And now you know who to blame.
Thanks, Arlee, wherever you are!




45 comments:

  1. I could not get past Land of Afghans. Blankets in a desert just seems wrong.

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    1. I hear it gets cold in the desert. Funny, I would have thought all those fires would keep people warm.

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  2. I could never live in the desert. I don't have a camel, but I could live in a dessert.

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    1. HAHAHAHAHA - love that "live in a dessert" - I'm so gonna borrow that! :)

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  3. And so it begins...
    I'm already feeling like my noggin has expanded with this plethora of knowledge - Stallone and the Amish...who'd'a thunk!

    Jenny @ PEARSON REPORT

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    Replies
    1. Chaz Bono evens makes an appearance or two this month.
      Even Snooki once or twice.

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  4. So in the end did they find General Tso's secret chicken recipe? You're off to an amazing start, and the tourism bureau will be anxious to adapt your new slogan!

    Julie

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    Replies
    1. They did, but the Chinese restaurant where they serve it in my town is closed! :-(

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  5. If that Aghan hound is a bitch she ought to be wearing a burkha. Is Arlee Bird related to Hortense?

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    Replies
    1. She's definitely not allowed to drive.

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  6. OK so 'a' is for Al who gets an A+ for the letter 'a' blog of the day.

    I read this blog out to my hubby and we were both laffin' so hard we were crying.

    You are the king of 'a'.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you liked it-these history posts were quite fun to write.

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  7. I think it would do people a lot of good to really learn about Afghanistan and the way it works. Despite some of the half truths and sarcastic commentary this is actually quite enlightening.

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    1. In all seriousness, I believe you're right. We all could use a little more knowledge about the world (especially in MY country).
      Almost makes me wish I would write THIS IS PURE BOLLOCKS just before the wiseguy remarks, just so people learn something. I hope you'll notice some valid facts along the way.
      For instance, I describe how the universe is 14 billion years old tomorrow.

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  8. Enjoyable and informative post. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. I just hope you didn't buy that Klingon thing, though.

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    2. Although, throw a Klingon dirty pajamas....would you know the dfference?

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  9. I love the idea for the theme and I love this post in general Al, this has me so excited for the rest of the challenge now. Am I the only one alive in this earth who really enjoyed your Lemonade post haha? I might just be.

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    1. I don't know. Maybe the reason I'm so harsh about the lemonade post is that it was just so easy to write. In other words, I felt like I was cheating somebody. I will say this about the history theme. I have learned quite a bit doing what little (little being the operative word) research that I've done. For instance, Kabul really is the capital. But, Afghanistan was never invaded by Orcs.

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  10. What? you don't want to be a winner like Sheen? haha

    Should be a fun to see you give history a run, as you export the refugees from here and import them from there. Plus being a relation to Bedrock must surely leaving them traveling the sands without a sock.

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    Replies
    1. Making fun of the Taliban, like shooting fish in a barrel.
      Ooh, maybe I shouldn't use the term 'shoot'?

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  11. Al, I am already enjoying your spin on social studies far more than I did in HS. You even managed to tie in the band Asia! I am still laughing about that comment!!! I'll be back tomorrow. My view of history and the world may be forever changed come May 1st.

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    Replies
    1. Believe it or not, there will be some posts with actual facts in them. It just will be tough to separate them from the "Not So Actual Facts."
      For instance, Leonardo Di Caprio was NOT on the actual Titanic.
      I'm almost positive.

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  12. Wow this was quite educational sir. Glad you opted for this instead of Charlie haha

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    Replies
    1. A couple facts abound.
      It's probably easy to figure them put though.

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  13. What an interesting idea for a theme. And I had to laugh about your L is for Lemonade post, LOL. Some letters are just really a bitch.

    I also laughed at the pic of Asia. Showing my age when I say I remember that group!

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  14. I just flew over Afghanistan and 38,000 feet was still too close.

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  15. I learned more in that post than I did in all my social studies classes in High School.

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    1. Yikes! Did we go to the same school?

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  16. I like the tourist blurb: Come for history, stay for dysentery. Makes me want to pack my bags and head over there right away! ;)

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    1. Especially since I hear the hotels in Mogadishu are all booked up. Or burned down.
      Something like that.

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  17. *giggles* Very nice presentation. Though I think you COULD have gone with porn... And may I note that Afgan, the blanket, is considerable lower maintanence than Afghan the dog, which requires brushing four times a day...

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    Replies
    1. I really considered porn. But, I think I would have been too distracted.

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  18. Huh. I just got done listening to cuts from the new lp by the "other" Asia, on another A to Z blog, before coming here. Al as always is wrapped in the gossamer strings of coincidence.

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  19. Yep Al is back!
    Dysentery isn't all that bad. It got me out of my great Aunt Berthas 80th birthday party.
    You don't want to know what I had to do to come down with it.
    The High Cost of this Low Living

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    Replies
    1. Plus, isn't it a kick-ass way to lose weight?

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  20. Always good for a laugh :) Though I'm still trying to figure out if I was more amused by the list of invaders or the list of exports.

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    Replies
    1. As long as they didn't export invaders, it was all good.

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  21. Great post!!

    You know what I think? I think Charlie Sheens house is all normal.. It's probably decorated all shabby chic. Just to throw us off.

    Hugs!

    Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi

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    Replies
    1. Truth be told, I wouldn't mind getting an invite to Charlie's house. I'd bring the beer and Pringles.

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