Monday, March 18, 2013

CAUTION-Repost Ahead

  If you want to give this a pass, I certainly understand.  After all, why read warmed-over reruns when you can watch warmed-over reruns on TV?  I hesitated to do this, but decided to go ahead since the A-Z Challenge is so close that I don't want to use what little brainpower I have writing something original.  Look on the bright side, next week,  Penwasser Place will go completely dark as I get ready for April.  So this is better than nothing.  Maybe.  Well, next week will have...uh...reruns of the Passover and Easter posts.  And a Facebook Funny.  
  But, don't worry, April will feature 26 new posts.  I just don't know what they are yet. 
  So, sit back and enjoy this little underwear bon-mot from 2011.
  Or not.
  Your call. 

The Underwear Wars
NOTE:  Picture taken before Christian Bale became Batman.
BONUS NOTE:  Sharp-eyed readers will notice that this has been used several times.
Because it makes me laugh.
And it has Gary Coleman in it before he became dead.
BONUS BONUS NOTE:  None of the above is true.  Except it does make me laugh.
  Come, listen, my children, from everywhere
to the epic battles of underwear.
  Commenced first over briefs, called tighty-whiteys,
that were liked by men both weak and mighty.

  But, soon, a young woman began to fret
and wonder why she wasn’t pregnant yet.
  For, you see, the problem lay in the fit
of briefs which pulled the sack near where he’d sit.

  Thus cooked, the sperm all had no place to hide.
Victims of body temperature, boiled and died.
  No happy eggs and no mother-to-be
Just a man and his wife and their color TV
(NOTE: Hey, it rhymed.  Sue me.)

  A doctor’s care being her last resort,
she bought him some boxers, just like gym shorts.
  She told him their loose, casual fit
will keep his “boys” far from where he sits.

  With them cooled, his swimmers will be able
to find a place at the “Mommy Table.”
  But, he whined and moaned, “I hate the big hole.
  It’s a big inconvenient ‘Whack-A-Mole’.”

  So, to shut up her husband and give her relief
She then thought to buy him some boxer briefs.
  Not quite as snug as the white linen sacks
they gave him the comfort that boxers lacked.

  Excited over this underwear kind
The wife hustled home, but only to find.
  Her man, at the doorway, happily bare
He grinned.  No shirt, no pants, no underwear.

  “Honey,” he said, “I’ve got a great plan
that I’m happy to say you’ll understand.
  “For, just like Kramer or Marlon Brando,
No undies for me.  I’m going commando.”

Epilogue:  In a coma, the wife is not expected to live.  Her living will stipulates that her eggs be harvested for the local in-vitro fertilization clinic.

(NOTE:  Okay, so I’m no Shakespeare.  But, I couldn’t think of anything else that rhymed with ‘commando’)


  1. That is awesome!!!! Free Willy is much better than tighty whitey!

  2. LOL love this one and 26 new ones you say, hmm lets see if I can spot a repeat at your bay.

    1. I have a repeat planned
      which I hope won't be panned.
      Still, I hope you don't feel conned
      by a post about Kublai Khan.

    2. From 2011. The letter "K".
      Which, I suppose, goes without saying.

  3. Your A to Z posts are always absolutely awesome Al and this year I expect no difference haha! Reading an old blog post of yours is far better than watching some television repeat, at least your jokes aren't predictable, well maybe they are the odd time, but they wouldn't be so damn hilarious if that was the case! Pumped for your A to Z posts in April.

    1. I hope you enjoy them, Matthew. Writing them keeps me off the streets.

  4. Dude, ya had me looking closely at Gary Coleman, wondering why his thighs were so wide.


    1. He really DOES look like him. Except alive.

  5. You're going to do the A-Z thing again this year? Good luck with it Al and enjoy the darkness for a while.

    1. I will be. I'm going with a history theme (that's my plan, at least).

  6. Although I'm once again not participating in the A to Z Challenge, I'm glad that you are!

    1. I hope to see you here. Even for the sucky ones (which, hopefully, will be less than 26).

  7. Are you channeling that cat with this one? Really well done, underwear can be so fun, no wonder those superheros like them so much.

    1. I have to admit,
      I thought of the cat a bit.
      And was afraid that Pat Hatt
      would take umbrage at that.
      But, the cat's a much better poet.
      And, boy, don't I know it.
      So Pat? Doesn't care. Not a whit.

  8. How about .... go to beat the band-do.

    1. Not bad, not bad. Think I'll save it for my next underwear opus (and don't think I won't write one, either).

  9. You mean that isn't really Christian Bale on the right? His crotch is a dead ringer whoever he is. I tried singing your poem to the tune of The times they are a changin. It wasn't that bad.

    1. Hopefully, it's the underwear they are a changin.

  10. Not bad............but you know going commando can be painful if you have a

  11. HA!

    If you're going to repost, I say repost with a poem about underwear.



    1. always makes me smile.

  12. I can't believe I've been reading you for over a year, Al. My how time flies when your reading someone fun.

  13. This is fresh stuff for me. I think you gave Shakespeare a run for his money!

    1. Methinks I don't stink?
      P'rhaps, verily, if true.
      Then nobody can say, "PU."

  14. So deep and beautiful... and hilarious. And by the way, it's no repost for me.

    1. Underwear, it's nature's great equalizer.
      And keeps the naughty bits under wraps.

  15. I remember the lovely photo, but I forgot that you wrote it as a poem! This was even better the second time around! Can't wait to read your A to Z history posts!