Saturday, February 2, 2013

A Lavatorial Conundrum


Four sinks, one hand dryer.  What to do?


1. Wait politely in line while the three dudes in front of you dry their hands.


2. Dry hands on pants.


3. Hurry up peeing so you can wash your hands and jump to the head of the "Dryer Line."


4. Stick your wet hands in your armpits to dry them. While this may dry your hands, they'll probably smell like BO.

5. Forgo washing your hands completely, you filthy pig.

6. Dry your hands with toilet paper. Sigh....do I really need to say "Unused" toilet paper?

7. Dry your hands on the shirt of the dude in front of you.

8. Pick up teeth.

9. What am I talking about??? This is a Mens Room.  What are the odds of all three of the dudes in front of you even washing their hands in the first place?


NOTE:  A 'conundrum' is a puzzle, an enigma, a problem admitting of no satisfactory solution.  You know, a lot like why anybody gives a flying crap what Snooki does.

48 comments:

  1. What is dirty, Al? The French wash their hands BEFORE using the bathroom!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kidding aside, so does my brother. And he's not even French.

      Delete
  2. To be honest, I'm surprised there's four sinks. And a little jealous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At a ballpark after they stop selling beer, they can pull emergency double duty as urinals.
      Sorta makes you glad you're a girl, huh?

      Delete
  3. Ha ha ha ha....Number 4 is quite unique and number 7 shows real claaaas or do the old pull-the-fire-alarm trick so you can be alone. But heck, it's so dry in MT, hands would dry before you walked to the dryer. Or that other joke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. #7 would only work if it was a LITTLE dude.

      Delete
  4. Brilliant. I shake off excess water then dry the rest off on my pants.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, that is what I do if forced to wait.

      Delete
    2. See? I bet he dries his hands on the sides as well!!

      Delete
  5. Yeah so true, many of them are eww and just walk out without washing their hands. I splat the water off, wipe my hands on my pants and use my sleeve to open the nasty door.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was at a rest room this afternoon at a Delaware Wawa. The guy finished his business then walked out without washing his hands. Ewwwwwww..... I try to use only my pinky to open the door. I figure it's my least important finger.

      Delete
  6. Honestly I never wash my hands in a public restroom after a college experiment. We were shown germs on our hands under a microscope before and after washing our hands. Most germs come from the doors and fixtures of the sinks. Oh yeah, and I use my foot to flush the toilet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, boy. Great. But, still, I feel I have to wash after I handle the...uh...you know. But, I ALSO flush with my foot (making sure it's out of the bowl, of course).

      Delete
  7. I've never actually ran in to a queue for the hand drier but if I did I'd probably just dry my hands on my trousers. I tend to do that anyway because hand dryers suck, and don't do much blowing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most hand dryers DO blow. Meaning they don't work very well. So would that mean they suck?

      Delete
  8. Just dry your hands on your pants. They're probably cleaner and more santized than anything in that bathroom! And no waiting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm careful if I DO dry them on my pants. I don't want anyone eyeballing a wet spot on the front of my trousers. Then, I have a whole 'nudder set of problems.

      Delete
    2. Don't dry your hand THERE!!! On the sides silly!

      Delete
  9. that's smart bathroom construction

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey, you could probably make a million bucks if you could design a urinal with a faucet, soap dispenser, and blower mounted right on it! Especially depending on the angle at which the blower is set...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you could rinse your hands off when it flushes so that you...oh, I just grossed myself out.

      Delete
  11. Ever tried wiggling your hands dry? Only people who haven't been to Antartica will think you look like penguin.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This is definitely a conundrum to me Al, cant see any conceivable way of this working out, poor architecture indeed haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just be quick. Both in peeing. And cleaning.

      Delete
  13. Flap your hands in the air to dry them. You'll be first in line at the dryer in no time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or start talking to yourself in an accent. It'll clear the bathroom out lickety-split.
      NOTE: This is the first time I've ever written "lickety-split."

      Delete
  14. Just pee in the sink. I'm sure there will be a dyer available when the time comes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please note my response to Juli. I won't say I have and I won't say I haven't. But, bear in mind, I WAS a sailor.

      Delete
  15. Be that guy who has to make sure his hands are completely moisture free before giving up the dryer. I dare you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, the next time, I think I'll give that a shot.

      Delete
  16. Dryers make me nuts. They don't work, and a public washroom is the last place I want to leave with damp, bacteria-breeding-ground hands. A lot of places don't have paper towels anymore as they try to bully us into being more environmentally friendly. So I just bring half a roll of toilet paper with me to the sink when I leave the stall.

    Added bonus: no waiting in line with wet hands.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know why, but your first statement made me think of something Popeye would say when he was given a waist high cart for a present:
      "They drive me nuts."
      Toilet paper is nasty even if clean because it dissolves into all these little pieces of wet paper.
      But better that than walking around with petri dishes on the ends of your arms.

      Delete
  17. Are you even allowed to use public restrooms after you kept reaching into other people's stalls for your teeth? And you're worried about hand dryer etiquette?!
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Come to think of it, I wouldn't pop those babies back in my mouth after they've been on a bathroom floor.

      Delete
  18. You threw a twist in there with the flying crap bit, Al. That changes the whole scenario. I'd sneak into the ladies' room if I were you. We keep our crap contained. Oh, and we carry that Purell hand sanitizer stuff. You're welcome.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Plus, I hear you have potted plants. And couches.

      Delete
  19. Just one of the reasons I hate those hand drying machines I prefer paper towels to dry my hands and not toilet paper proper hand towels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How 'bout those motion sensor paper machines? You have to wave your hand in front of them a half dozen times to get a big enough piece of paper.

      Delete
  20. I would not leave that room without washing my hands. Not for anything on me, but for the germs of others...
    I hate them machines anyway. EVERY single time I see one, I think of Madonna using one to dry her pits in whateverthehell that movie was.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Desperately Seeking Susan.
      Oh my God, I know the answer to that one!

      Delete
  21. I would hate the pressure of being the one at the dryer while everyone else is waiting to use it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you know everyone is staring at your back.
      And the piece of toilet paper hanging put of your pants.

      Delete
  22. That is a conundrum .. Did I spell that right? The womens is the same way most of the time, but they also have the paper towels, lol. Don't forget to wash your hands!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't they also have people to dry your hands for you? That's what Jimmy from 6th grade told us.

      Delete
  23. Just start coughing. Everyone will clear away and you will have it all to yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or talk to them while you're peeing. With your hands behind your head. Guarantee they leave you alone.

      Delete