The 1.63% version failed laboratory trials on rabbits.
And Gary Coleman.
Since it was hawking a way to increase my potency, I gave it a look.
Turns out testosterone helps with:
-Growth and maturation of the prostate gland and other male sex organs
-Development of male hair distribution, such as facial hair
-Body muscle mass and strength and fat distribution
-Sex drive and sexual function
-Mood and energy level
-Bone strength (not that bone. Although, I could be wrong...)
NOTE: Okay, I should have learned all of this in my sex education classes. But, they were taught by nuns. Which totally skeeved me out.
|Like two eggs in a sack|
As I watched a parade of energetic, confident men parade across my television screen (whoa, if that doesn't sound gay...!), I started to scratch around for something to write the number down. While I'm no Hugh Hefner, I wanted to get a piece of that action (put the gay thing out of your head).
Eager to jot down the product information, I was brought up short by its possible side effects*
-In large doses, may cause lower sperm count
-Blood clots in the legs; this can include pain, swelling, or redness of the legs
-High blood pressure
-Enlarged or painful breasts
-Increase red blood cell count
-Skin irritation where the gel is applied
-Swelling of the ankles, feet, or body, with or without heart failure. This may cause serious problems for people who have heart, kidney, or liver disease (not for nothing, I would think heart failure is a serious problem).
And my personal favorites...
-Signs and symptoms of an enlarged prostate gland (including changes in urination)
-Possible increased risk of prostate cancer
|"What the frik!? |
They told me it was Olay!"
-Children should likewise stay away from testosterone cream, as it may cause the early onset of puberty. This may explain certain Little League players.
|You can't smoke, |
but you can operate heavy machinery.
*verified on the AndroGel website
As I weighed the advantages of a testosterone regimen over the disadvantages, I decided to leave well enough alone. If God (or some other such mystical creator, to include George Burns) had wanted me to have the sex drive of a chia pet, hair sprouting from my ears, and the energy level of a clam, who am I to mess with things?
In essence, thanks, but no thanks.
Let's see what Whoopi's up to.
|"No, really, I'm good. And damn sexy."|