A Venti By Any Other Name

You can soak your pots and pans here.
Can't take a bath, though.
Unless you're a midget.
Or David Spade.

  The kitchen is very nearly complete. 

     As of today, we have a sink, and thank goodness for that.  It got a little tedious soaking our pots and pans in the bathtub.  Especially when someone was using it.  We had to be extra careful rinsing them off, too, because even the smallest amount of Mr. Bubble left on dinnerware can give you the runs.  Anyway, everything should be wrapped up by Wednesday.  I’ll then take a few “before and after” (the before shots have already been taken...duh) pictures because I won’t feel like writing anything know you’ll be interested.

    The following is a repost, sort of.  I can just hear you saying, “Awww, come on, Al!  December was full of tiresome reruns!  For all the money Blogger pays you, you need to be writing original stuff!” 

    But, honestly, it’s not like I'm foisting another one of those warmed-over holiday nightmares on you.

    Instead of being a repeat of a post I wrote, this is  actually a repeat of a comment I made on The Hospitable Scots Bachelor's October 19th blog.  So, since he only has 12 followers, you’ve probably never read it.

"If we want to call a Small a Tall, we will.
We're Starbucks.
Eff you."

    Scots was talking about your favorite coffee establishment and mine, the pretentious Starbucks.  I commented on his post and, as I sometimes do, got carried away.  As I looked at it, I thought it might make a quick post here all on its own.

"If you soak that hot dog overnight,
you might be able to get through it."

    I usually prefer getting my coffee at a Wawa (for those who don’t know, it’s like a clean 7-Eleven where the clerks’ first language is English), Dunkin’ Donuts, or Yum Yum Donut shoppe.

"Hmm, maybe getting that doctorate
in Womens Studies wasn't a good career choice."

    But, while in Target for Mrs. Penwasser’s initial Christmas shopping ecstasy (before Halloween, mind you), I decided I’d rather get a cup of coffee than die a little death in the Young Misses section.  Since that particular store had a Starbucks kiosk, I figured what harmc ould come from stopping by? 

    “I’ll have a Large coffee.”

    “You mean a Venti?”

    “What’s a Venti?”

    “It’s a Large coffee.”

    “Why can’t I just say ‘Large’?”

    “Because we’re Starbucks.”

    “What?  That’s frikkin’ stupid!”

    “Well, sir, Starbucks doesn’t have Large coffees.  We have Ventis.”

    “Why?”

    “Because for every time we say Venti, we send a penny to the rainforest.”

    “What???”

    “Right to the rainforest.”

    “Which rainforest?”

    “Any rainforest will do.  Although October is Amazon Month here at Starbucks.”

    “You’re putting me on.”

"Tell you what. We scrape up 
enough pennies, we're getting a couple shirts. 
And a pair of pants for you."

    “No, sir.  We just wrap a penny up and send it straight to Brazil.  Not really sure what they do with it, but you can be sure it’s for a good cause.”

    “Sigh...okay, give me a Venti coffee.”

    “What flavor?”

    “What flavor!?  Don’t you just have regular coffee?”

    “I thought you said you wanted a Venti, sir.  Our regular coffees are called Tall and our mediums are called Grande.  So, if you w...”

    “Whoa, whoa, whoa, doesn’t Grande mean Large?”

    “That’s only in Spanish-speaking countries, sir.  We’re based in Seattle.”

    “Well, that isn’t what I meant, anyway.  I meant all I wanted was your basic coffee.  You have choices?’

    “Oh, yes, sir.  We have Dark Roast, Extra Rich, Brazilian, Hazelnut, French Vanilla, Vanilla Ice, Jamaican Monkey Blend, Espresso, Australian Beaver Cheese, Mango Twist, Chinese Green Tea Coffee, Mocha Orgasm, Kona, Peruvian, Colombian, Mango Twist, Folgers...”

    “Wait...what???  You made that up!”

    “Which part, sir?”

    “That part about Australian Beaver Cheese.”

    “No, sir.  Beavers are well known coffee drinkers.”

    “Says who?”

    “People.”

"I don't get me some frikkin' Joe,
that whole lodge and dam are coming down.
And then we'll see who's sorry."

    “Which people?”

    “Beaver people.”

    “And the cheese...?”

    “Same people, sir.”

    “Well, yewww, I don’t want that.  Give me Dark Roast.”

    “Decaf, half caffe, third of a calf, full body, skinny, latte swirl, 10W 40, straight up...?”

    SLAM!!!!!

    “Sir?  Sir??  Crap, Lost another one to Dunkin’ Donuts.  Wonder if it was something I said?”

    Okay, now, please go visit The Hospitable Scots Bachelor and tell him I sent you.  He hasn't written anything since November 8th, so maybe he’ll write something new.  Unless he's dead.  Now that wouldn't be very hospitable.