Which I sincerely hope doesn't result in a Home Repair Hiatal Hernia.
|Hmm...for some reason, I thought a hernia involved the testicles. |
And a diaphragm had something to do with birth control.
|Probably not a good idea to stand downwind |
when you're using spray paint.
Mrs. Penwasser has me confused with someone named “Trump” (without the bad hair). She apparently thinks we have a ton of money. As a result, we’ve donated thousands of dollars to our local home improvement superstore (does it really matter which one?) to finance a number of projects this fall: paint the garage, install a new vanity and ceramic tile floor in the bathroom, and completely renovate the kitchen.
A lot of the work will be done by contractors (aka “people with skills”) because I would totally F things up. However, we’ll (and by “we’ll,” I mean “I”) be tackling a lot of the tasks ourselves to save a little money to, you know, eat.
What this means is that, what would take a rhesus monkey a week, will probably take me into 2013 to finish.
NOTE: Unless the Mayans are proved right. Then all bets are off. Bottom line, who gives a crap about a new toilet if the world ends?
NOTE, PART DOS: Please note that I used “crap,” “toilet,” and “end” in the same sentence. Aren’t I the clever dickens?
NOTE, PART TRES: Hee...hee...hee. I said “DICKens.”
Because of this, I won’t be on Blogger nearly as much as I’d like. Somehow, I think Mrs. Penwasser would look askance at me telling penis jokes when I should be laying tile (which would be painful. Hey, I made a funny).
|"Oh, yeah? |
Well, you try writing anything
with a bullet in your head."
I’ll do my very best to read your posts and give you a witty comment (because isn’t that why we all post? To receive vindication of our writing by complete strangers?).
I won’t disappear. But, like winning seasons by the New York Jets, you won’t see a lot of me.
And that may be a good thing.
Don’t worry, though. Like herpes, I’ll be back.
Oh, that’s an unfortunate phrase. How’s this, instead:
Wish me luck.
|"So, it doesn't have anything to do with my nuts? |
Whew, well thank God for that.
Still, I'll bet it hurts like a bitch."