Sunday, October 7, 2012

I Guess This Pretty Much Covers It

But, if you have freckles, sport red hair, prefer Cialis over Viagra, are fat, are skinny, like to climb on rocks, are a tough kid, or a sissy kid, even have chicken pox, like NASCAR, believe Lindsay Lohan is misunderstood, shop at Walmart, pick your nose, think pro wrestling is real, listen to Celine Dion, have toe fungus,
go 'commando,' buy your cigarettes from the back of a van from some guy named Vick, cut the edges off your bread, fart under the covers, belong to a Star Trek fan club, do crossword puzzles in pen, wipe back to front, use unwaxed dental floss, think Michael Moore is one sexy beast, leave the seat up, have rickets, tuck your tee shirt in your underwear, believe synchronized swimming is a sport, or think 'Are you from Tennessee?  No?  Well, you're the only ten I see' is a good pick-up line, then...you're pretty much on your own.

Be careful out there.




21 comments:

  1. Love this post Al, it pretty much does cover it. Although I think anyone who does think Lindsey Lohan is misunderstood might actually be a lost cause Al, maybe that's not fair though.

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  2. Brilliant (as usual)! Happy Sunday, Al.

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  3. LOL I have a few of those, I guess I should be prepared for some flack.

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  4. Holy crap... synchronized swimming ISN'T a sport?!?!? I may have a problem.

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  5. oh my goodness, i'm going to need to be careful out there. i always use that pick up line when i'm picking up chicks!

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  6. Twitter needs to see this. They're very prejudice.
    "wipe front to back"...LMAO!!

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  7. You are too funny! thanks for the chuckles!

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  8. Sorry, but if you 'wipe back to front' you deserve to be bullied - unless you have freckles, of course! ;-)

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  9. Well at least you're still safe if you light your own farts.

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  10. @Matthew: Maybe I just shouldn't let her drive my car then...?
    @Dana: Thanks. It's a little damp here and I'm nursing a slight hangover (from this weekend's camping booze fest). But, I have a fire in my fireplace and football is on. It's a good Sunday.
    @Pat: Roberta Flack? Enjoy Thanksgiving tomorrow!
    @Violet: Yeah, who knew, huh? Next they'll tell us that NASCAR fans drink beer.
    @Sherilin: It also doesn't work if you try to pick up baby ducks.
    @Juli: So am I. I have toe f...uh...shop at Walmart.
    @reener: "Front Wiper" or "Back Wiper"? Takes all kinds to make the world go 'round.
    @Eva: I love Chuckles. Even the black licorice ones.
    @Tony: He also sells me nudie mags.
    @Ermie: That explains why the public school kids always gave me wedgies.
    @GB: And thank God the air flow can't reverse back into my body. I'd hate it if my colon exploded.

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  11. If there are women out there who think Mickael Moore is a hunk, then there's hope for me.

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    1. But do you fill out a hoodie as disarmingly as Mike?

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  12. Phew, it's still okay to say "If I tell you you have a nice body, would you hold it against me?" Cuz it's all I've got, Al. Yet they wonder why I'm still single.

    And Michael Moore has an incredibly attractive brain. That is all.

    xoRobyn

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    1. I guess it all boils down to packaging.

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  13. Anti-gingerism is really crossing the line Al. Everything else sounds reasonable though, especially the wiping part! Julie

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    1. Serious (for a change): my favorite hair color on a woman is red. That's why I tell Mrs. Penwasser she HAD to be special since she overcame her obvious drawback of having brown (although she was blonde when I met her) hair.

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  14. Time to kick me out because I'm skinny. :(

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    1. And have a sandwich before you go, willya?

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  15. I have so many strikes against me that I don't think I'll ever recover.

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