Saturday, July 14, 2012

Road Trip

"Okay, so I didn't get any sunblock last time.
But, I'm gonna butt-pump me a turtle.
C'mere, Cecil! I'm King of the Sea!"

They sell this in Virginia Beach.
But, it was invented in New Jersey. New Jersey!
Plus, I'll bet there's no saltwater in it, either.
By the time you read this, I will have been in Virginia Beach for a couple of days. Like last month, I had some family things which needed my attention.  Only this time, I'm accompanied by Mrs. Penwasser.  Because of scheduling conflicts, the kids didn't go with us.  Our dog, the nutless Pal Penwasser, would have made the trip.  But he/it had some serious sleeping, butt-sniffing, and licking of phantom testicles to do.
"Let's see...sleep, sniff, or lick?
Oh, what's a canine eunuch to do?"
  Since I'm actually writing this on Thursday with the intention of putting it on Delayed Post for Saturday (thanks once again, Blogger! Your nifty feature makes me appear much more squared-away than I deserve!), I have no idea how our trip down South went.  We don't leave until about 6 this evening.  
No, no, I'm exaggerating.
There are fewer lanes.
  Yeah.  Just in time to drive through Philadelphia.  During rush hour.  Awesome.
  But, since Mrs. Penwasser has my password and can access my blog, it was a fantastic six hour adventure.  The lovely Mrs. Penwasser is an engaging travel companion, witty conversationalist, and remarkable trip planner who doesn't get nauseous when she moves her head or scream when I put on the Oldies station.
  I'm telling you all this because, like last time, I'll be out of touch for an unknown amount of time.  It could only be for a long weekend or it could be longer.
I suppose I could play Minesweeper on my cell phone.
But, I won't.
You know why?
Because Minesweeper sucks.
That's why.
  Unlike last time, the place where we'll be staying does not have any computers.  Even if it did, there's no internet to be had.  So, I won't even be able to surreptitiously log on in the middle of the night to check on your comments, play Words With Friends, or watch the honey badger video on You Tube.  This also means I won't be able to comment on your blogs.  I didn't want you to think that I had disappeared quicker than Mel Gibson's career.

 I hope to be back by Monday night.

This map didn't do us much good.
It was cheap, though.

 I'm sure the dog will have a good weekend.


  1. So did you leave Pal home alone or rent him out to be the eunuch in a hound harem? Either way, you owe him big for what you did to him.

  2. Well I hope you aren't gone too long, and you can sort out your family problems.

  3. Poor Mel Gibson, maybe that's why he runs his mouth to stay relevant haha and yep you don't want to interrupt the butt sniffing and fake ball licking hahaha

  4. Looking forward to your return!

  5. saltwater taffy beats that laffy taffy stuff anyday

  6. You'll be back, just like Mel Gibson will be back, er, ok, maybe not Mel Gibson.

  7. I'm gonna miss your bad ass tweets and comments but at the same time I hope you had a great trip and that your drive with Mrs Penwasser was as pleasant as you, hopefully not sarcastically implied. Enjoy Virginia my man.

  8. I will never look at Neptune the same way again.

    He'll be more like Uranus now.

  9. Never been to Virginia Beach, but then I'm on the wrong coast. Have a great time and I'll look forward to your return. Stay away from that salt water taffy; it's murder on the teeth.

  10. Have a great time. About the time you get back... we'll be on a jet plane as well. But I'm opting for no computers, after all, it IS a vacation.

  11. What?!!?? no videos of honey badgers? That sucks! Try to have a good weekend, it's going to be hard Im sure! :)

  12. Lucky. The only trip I had planned got canned. It turns out there are no vacation resorts in Mars yet. Club Med needs to get on that.

  13. Virginia Beach is amazing! I went there a few years ago, and loved it so much.

    When you get back, you should consider joining up with us at Dude Write!

  14. Hahahahahaha!!!! "butt-pump a turtle" You. Are. The. Man.

  15. Do you ever notice that there is never a city marked in Iowa? Maybe that's just me.

  16. @Gorilla: Neither. When we got back home last night, he glanced up from what he was doing, wagged his tail, and then continued licking himself. I think he hopes to generate a pair. Like Chaz.
    @Mark: Thanks. Things are better. Not good, but better.
    @Pat: Mel butt -sniffs and ball licks, too? No wonder he's Hollywood kryptonite.
    @Eva: That's what Obama says about Romney! Hopefully it's the long form. BA DUM BUM.
    @Adam: To say nothing of Sugar Daddys. Those frikkin' things rip my fillings out.
    @dbs: Oh, I don't know. When I was in a rest room at a Bob Evans in Milford, Delaware, I laid a Lethal Weapon V.
    @Matthew: Bad Ass tweets? Please refer to my previous comment. By the way, on the way to Virginia, the radio wasn't on for a single minute.
    @Mary A: Huh? I thought it was pronounced "YOOrunus"? It's not? Ohhhhhh......hee hee hee.
    @Stephen: Teeth!? You mean they're NOT suppositories!!!??? Damn hippie druggist.
    @Juli: Hope you have fun. Computers are overrrated. Except for downloading por....errr, nature videos.
    @Monkey Butt: If you haven't seen it, you gotta look at that honey badger video on You Tube. It's really pretty funny.
    @Nellie: That's because KOA's campground permits are being held up in court.
    @YoungmanBrown: It really is a nice place. If I have to go somewhere for a family "issue", I'd rather go there than...oh, I don't know...Iowa. Hee hee hee, that last comment is for Ruth.
    @LaModeOperandi: He can stick his head inside his shell all day. No never mind to Neptune.
    @Ruth: Please excuse my snarky comment above. The reason they never list an Iowan city is that mapmakers really don't know that "fly-over" country exists. And, trust me, you want to keep it that way. Have you SEEN the people at the Jersey Shore?

  17. Hope you had a great trip :)

    Thanks for your comment on the AZ blog-- and if you'd like to, we have spots open for guest posts.

    A to Z Challenge

    1. I did. And you're welcome! And...thanks!
      Most people never like having me for a guest. I rarely wipe my feet.

  18. Have a terrific trip, and I'm sure that you'll have some great stories! Julie