Sunday, July 8, 2012

A Question for a Hot Day

"Oh, I thought you said 'hotter than blazers.'  My bad.
But, still, don't I look hot, though?"
  It's hotter than blazes outside.  Yes, yes, I can hear you say, "Oh, yeah, just wait until January.  Then, we'll see who's whining about the heat then."

  Sure.  But it's not January.  It's July.  Winter will be here soon enough.


"Someone dropped a corn dog!!"
Nope, won't see this at Christmas.
  One of the disadvantages of summer, besides fat guys on the beach, is the fact that it often gets hot.  Which is okay if you're in the air-conditioning business, but not so much if your bucket list doesn't include sunstroke.    


"Grab the sunblock, I said.
We won't need it, you said.
Now look at us.  Dumbass."
  So, rather than feel like I'm walking around in a gym sock (good luck getting that visual out of your head), I'm staying inside where it's air-conditioned.  Never mind the fact you'll need a calculator to figure out this month's electric bill (good thing Mrs. Penwasser has a job).

  To while away the time, I've been surfing for porn doing a little writing.


  One of my projects includes an e-book to be placed on Kindle and Nook, like Shag Carpet Toilet (Get Yours Now While Thousands Last! ).


Okay, I'll ask the question.
If this is ranked 642,470 out of 1,000,000,
how sucky must 642,471-1,000,000 be?
  At present, this work is untitled because I haven't thought of one I don't want to give it away.  But, I hope to have this finished by the end of the summer.  Or Canadian Thanksgiving.  It will be a collection of old posts from Penwasser Place, a sort of "Best Of" collection (because "Recycled Droppings" doesn't carry the same pizazz).  I just thought some of my new followers, especially, would like see some of the old classics.  Plus, it will save me the trouble of writing new stuff.


  As I'm putting this together, it occurred to me that some of my old posts do not, perhaps fortunately, include pictures.  And, those that do may not even have captions.  


  So, my question to you, dear followers, and people who accidentally stumbled here while looking for a blogger with talent (like Pat Hatt):


    *Do you like the pictures with captions?




  *Or would you prefer I just go straight prose (NOTE:  Pretentious "writer-speak" for non-poetry)?



   In any case, I'll still go with captioned pictures here.  Mostly because I enjoy them and hope you do.  And also because they take up space that otherwise could be used to write something


  To thank you for your time reading this and getting back to me I've included the below by way of gratitude.

FOR THE LADIES.
OR CONFUSED DUDES.
I won't judge.

FOR THE MEN
BTW, it's not just fat guys on the beach.

FOR THE...?????
Like I said, I won't judge.

Stay cool, everyone.

For my friends down under, hang tight.  December's coming.




















54 comments:

  1. At least you have AC, I have none here and it sucks! I always lie the pictures on your blog and the captions, I think you could work them into a book quite well, even if you are a slacker and using old material hahaha At least you're for all, even the sheep people hahaha and shouting out me, that causes glee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But, you live in Canada. Meteorologically speaking.....ahhhhhhhhh. Well, except during winter.
      We never had A/C when we lived in Maine and really didn't need it. Although, there a few days in July and early August....

      Delete
    2. Pfft still gets hot, a whole lot. Not as bad as down there though, wow you did live pretty near my show.

      Delete
    3. It was funny when Mrs. Penwasser and I moved from Florida to Maine in the summer of 1987 (my GOD I AM old), the locals were complaining about the heat wave,
      "Geezum, neighbah, it shawr is gonna get wicked hawt today. Temprecha is supposed to get to 85, ayuh."
      85 to someone who had just spent July in Jacksonville sounded pretty comfortable.
      Ayuh.

      Delete
  2. Hot? Really? December feels so far away and I am freezing.
    Send some sun over please.

    Your captions are always fun and thank you for the man candy pic. I picked a good night to play catch up I think

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I specifically thought of you when I was whining about the heat. Let's get back together six months hence and I'll be mewling about the cold.
      NOTE: We can get together BEFORE then, though.

      Delete
  3. Captions please. It's like reading Gary Larson all over again but we'll call it Al's Side. Snow or heat? I believe I would have to go with heat. If you can make it Autumn all year I would vote you in for prez.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. October is my favorite time of the year, for sure. Well, that and the Super Bowl. I think that has to do with beer, though.

      Delete
  4. I think that you're pretty spot on to stay inside with the air conditioning man, I know that in America it can quickly go from a little hot, to ridiculously, uncomfortable heat and even though I won't pretend that I didn't love it all year round I could see it getting at you. Fat guys on the beach definitely doesn't sound too fun either haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The part of the US I feel most badly for is the Midwest. Crazy frikkin' cold in the winter, crazy frikkin' hot in the summer, and crazy frikkin' tornadoes which can flatten their towns when it isn't necessarily hot or cold. But, they're far away from New Jersey, so they have THAT going for them.

      Delete
    2. Oh, and you may notice I've answered myself quite a bit here, too. Just like I just did with you.
      Uh, oh. I think I have a problem.
      I TOLD YOU TO FRIKKIN' SHUT UP, AL!!!! NOW GO PLAY SOME WORDS WITH FRIENDS
      WITH YOURSELF!!!

      Delete
  5. LOVE the captions, but you really should have gotten my husband's permission before you posted his picture digging for that corn dog. Not to worry though, he brushed off the sand, ate it in one bite and topped it off with a banana split.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully, he had a Diet Coke. Conventional wisdom holds that diet soda takes AWAY calories.

      Delete
  6. I think if it's for a book you should stick with straight prose. The pictures might be copyrighted or some such crap. For the blog though, go nuts. Pictures can help break up a post and be quite funny. I'd consider compiling posts in to a book, let's face it I have enough, but I don't know if I can really do that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The copyright issue is really what I was thinking. So, to avoid any possible problems, I'll be going with either pictures I took or maybe some pictures which are unquestionably in the public domain. But, sure enough, I'll need to watch what I'm doing.

      Delete
  7. I got sunburnt bad yesterday, had lobster arms.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As long as your hands weren't replaced by claws.

      Delete
  8. Captions yes.

    And the cute boy was cute, but he was wearing tighty whiteys which were soggy. I have 3 sons & my first thought was: Oh great now someone has to do laundry.

    I need help

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please let Gorilla Bananas know your mixed reaction to Tatum (which, by the way, I thought was a GIRL'S name).
      Gorilla: If you're reading this, here's your answer.
      Offal=Poo

      Delete
  9. I think your posts are great, but like you I don't judge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Judge not, lest ye be judged.
      Or is that "fudged"?
      Oh, crap, now I'm not so sure.

      Delete
  10. Nice of you to try to accommodate everyone!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sheep Lovers are a decided minority.
      I hope.

      Delete
  11. Absolutely include captions! You have such creativity and it shines through in your captions..wait, that made it seem like it doesn't shine through in your posts...you know what I mean...you're talented...include captions the way I include ellipses....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the captions. They make me giggle. Like when I look at myself in the mirror.
      Except I laugh out loud then.

      Delete
  12. Is that really what the ladies like? Those underpants look as if they're full of offal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously, who knows what they like? I think it's good that I don't know if a dude is hot or not. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
      At least I KNOW a sheep isn't hot.
      Except to other sheep.
      But, I don't even know that for sure.
      But, if I did....there WOULD be something wrong with that.

      Delete
    2. Look up to comments from Mary A. Looks like she had the same opinion as you re: offal.

      Delete
    3. But, I really think that sheep thing is probably wrong.

      Delete
    4. Offal? That's just plain awful!
      Thank you, thank you very much. On tomorrow night's "Fun With Homophones," we'll look at "Two, Too, or To-Which Frikkin' One is Right?? Or Should That Be Wright?"

      Delete
  13. You included a very old picture of Sofia Vergara. She annoyed Latino people long before Americans saw her on that one television series. What's it called? You know, the one with a lot of gay people, and Al Bundy? Oh well.

    I like "Recycled Droppings" a lot. I think it would make a great title.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it's called "American Family."
      Funny, she didn't LOOK old. :-)
      Hee hee hee.

      Delete
    2. In any case, I used that picture because I wanted to keep the ones of Salma Hayek and Jessica Alba all to myself.

      Delete
  14. I am glad I am married to an HVAC man and also that the AC didn't die this year. It was only 82 F today. Just a 20 degree drop from yesterday. Makes me happy.
    That dude in the shower is a little disturbing.
    I like straight prose which means lots of pictures with captions will go over better. I have a habit of being the opposite of the majority of people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So, it's like being married to a doctor. Or Batman.
      NOTE: I have no clue what that means.
      I'm always afraid that people will get tired of straight prose and wander off to play Angry Birds or look for that farming "I'm Sexy and I Know It" video on You Tube.
      No...wait!!! Ruth!!!! You can look at You Tube later!!!!!

      Delete
    2. It's all good, Al. My sister sent that farming video to me last week.

      Delete
  15. I like the pictures with your hilarious captions! I was thinking that as I was reading the post before you even asked the question!

    If you're really hot, and you're not home, duck into a hospital. I swear they keep the temp like 48 degrees to preserve the patients.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. I don't have to get into a car accident or anything like that to do it though, do I?
    Or walk around Allentown with a dollar bill taped to my forehead...?
    NOTE: My oh-so-clever allusion to your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My "comment has been removed by the author" was just like the above. But, Blogger was being twitchy. I just didn't want you to wonder.

      Delete
    2. Wait a minute.....who the frik am I replying to???? It looks like me. Matthew was right when he mentioned on Twitter that I often talk to myself!
      "Hi, everyone, I'm Al and I have a problem."

      Delete
  17. I'm a fan of the captioned photos. They're a welcome distraction from your writing. :)

    But seriously, I can't be serious. Just keep us laughing, Al, that's all we ask. Okay, that's not all we ask. Obviously, we ask for other stuff as well, but we're only asking for that one thing now so as not to appear greedy.

    Although, I'd also like to ask: Who is this "we" I keep talking about. (If you don't know, I'll assume the question was rhetorical.)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I like pics with captions. I would of preferred a sexy pic of Hilary Clinton but beggars can't be choosers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lucky you! You get a picture of Hillary tomorrow.
      It's not sexy though.
      It's Photo Shop, not Divine Miracle Shop.

      Delete
  19. Pictures with captions, yes. You do it so well.

    Thanks so much for the photo, Al. I won't say which one. Even though you you won't judge me, others might.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I absolutely won't. Judging by some of those "Why I Stay Celibate" ads, I wouldn't blame you whichever way you choose. :-)

      Delete
  20. I agree with Robyn. You are the master of captions. Love the last photo. Did you take him to dinner first? Julie

    ReplyDelete
  21. He? What do you mean 'he?' What type of guy do you think I am?
    I did, but she wasn't too keen on my "Try the veal" comment.
    Maybe a steak house was a bad idea...?
    Should I have gone for something like Saladworks, instead?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Let me just say I loved hearing all about your day on the comment section of my blog. it really made my morning this morning :) Now that I've said that, lets move on ... I love the pics with the posts and think you definitely keep it up!!! Loving the hot weather, though we are getting some rain in the evenings down here! :) happy Tuesday to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I responded back to Odie on your blog. I really ought to get started doing something constructive. On the other hand, I just glanced down at the dog. He looks pretty content just laying there. So.....
      I'm not sniffing anyone's butt, though.

      Delete
  23. If I needed another reason to NOT go and lay on the beach, my dermatologist recently gave it to when he whacked a little chunk off the bridge of my nose!
    I live in maybe the mildest portion of the U.S. (weather wise). Of course I'm NOT there right now, we're camped on top of a mountain and it's about 95 today and thunderstorms on their way. We all know how nasty that feels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like camping anywhere! Except maybe a volcano. Or Camden, New Jersey.

      Delete
  24. YES!! Love your captions! And thanks for shower-dude!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seeing pictures like that makes my skin crawl, but I'll do what I need for my lady followers (okay, if THAT doesn't sound creepy...)

      Delete