Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Let's Get Physical

Had my annual physical today.

Slight pressure, my a...oh, pardon the pun.

You know what that means.

The funny thing is that I paid for it.

But, I'm happy to report that I'm clean as a whistle, both inside and out.  Sure, I still have to wait for blood work results to come back. 


But, you know what I mean.

A decidedly nasty whistle that I'd never put my mouth on.

Although now I understand how Poland felt when the German army just roared through.


Incidentally, now we know where Jimmy Hoffa got off to.  Mystery solved.


By the way, I purposely scheduled it for today, my birthday.


Even at the cost of significant personal discomfort, I thought that would be funny.


I'm effed up that way.



32 comments:

  1. Hahaha, I know exactly what you mean! I hope the doctor used lube and I assume you weren't a virgin. You obviously aren't one now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well happy birthday and I hope you enjoyed the present from the doctor.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't you hate it when doctors get all personal like they do and then they don't even send you flowers afterwards or buy you a nice dinner?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I always wonder what would happen if someone had a little accident while the doc was performing that exam.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Gorilla: I'm not. And I feel so cheap. But, I'll never go to prison.
    @Mark: I gave myself the gift of good health. How ironic it would have been had the doctor found a suspicious mass. Or troupe of midgets.
    @Stephen: He gave me a box of tissues. Does that count?
    @JustKeepinItReal: Funny you should say that. On my way there this morning, I felt a low rumbling, which of course is the harbinger of intestinal gas. I was afraid that I would blast him as he was probing. I didn't. Which I guess is good. Since I ate peanuts last night. Or...did you mean a motor vehicle accident? Because that would be bad, too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ha... that doesn't sound like fun at all, nope nope nope. and on your birthday no less? oooof... Dare I wish you a Happy Birfday?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks.
      And I didn't even get a cake.

      Delete
  7. I have no idea why you'd put it on for your birthday Al but try to have a good one if you can buddy. Honestly I'm glad that you're fine though, ouch all the same, ouch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was my warped sense of humor at work. Anything for a laugh, I suppose.

      Delete
  8. Well, Happy Birthday and I hope you like getting probed!

    Did your doctor sing you happy birthday as he examined you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The aliens can show up; I have no fears because I HAVE been probed.

      Delete
  9. Intersesting way to celebrate your birthday! Hope all news comes back as good news!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I thought. After that, the day couldn't be anything else but better.

      Delete
  10. Now that is a festive birthday! Oh yeah, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
    I recently had my annual physical also. The doctor told me that I had the stool of a much younger man...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hopefully he found someplace else to sit.

      Delete
  11. LMAO well no need to travel the globe for an alien probe, you just got it done and out of the way, the aliens don't like the used ones I hear hahaha

    Quite funny you did it on your birthday, was it a present to yourself? Or to the doctor hmmm hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I gave myself the gift of good health.
      I never thought about it being a present for the doctor. That might have explained the balloons, party hat, and moon bounce.

      Delete
  12. Good Job Dear! i enjoyed seeing it,

    Mwaks!


    If you have a minute, please check out my blog and follow me if you liked it. I'll appreciate it so much! Thanks!


    Blow a Rainbow

    ReplyDelete
  13. Happy Birthday!

    I took Oldest to have three of his adult teeth and one bay tooth yanked out today. And I paid dearly for that pain. (Literally) Sadly, the tooth fairy will have to take a loan out for the four teeth he left her.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you....

    Your birthday is as good a day as any for a trip to the doctors I think. Remind me to schedule my next mammogram for mine eh?

    ReplyDelete
  15. @Juli: Luckily I still have all of my teeth. So, no more fairies trooping around my bedroom. This is probably a good thing.
    @Mynx: Seriously, as I was being violated, I knew that it would make a funny story. Same feeling I got during my "You'll Feel Like You're Sliding Naked Down a Razor Blade Banister Into a Vat of Rubbing Alcohol" operation in 1988. Ah, good times, good times.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Happy Be-lated birthday! Since I'm a day behind on blog reading :) Next time, make sure the doctor at least buys you dinner :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. He didn't even call me this morning.
    Men.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Glad everything came out..uh...well. :)

    Love your profile description...I'd rather laugh, too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's exactly why I don't launch into political or deep, meaningful discussions. I make fun of just about everyone: the Republicans, the Democrats, the Amish, the Church, people from New Jersey, the French, the Kardashians, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, the Iranians...
      Although making fun of the Iranians may not be such a smart thing to do.
      Those people can get wicked touchy.

      Delete
  19. Happy Belated Birthday Al! I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. Does this mean I missed the examination video? I'd love to see the part where you and Pat T. are wrestling over who has the youngest looking stool. It was smart to get your exam done on your birthday, so you'll always remember exactly when to schedule it! Many more happy and healthy! Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My stools are decidedly younger. I just had my entire rec room re-done. With new furniture.

      Delete
  20. Ahh! Happy birthday!
    I love having a great physical. Doctors are always stunned when they get a healthy patient. Last time I got a physical, my doc's reaction was similar to a person who just won the lottery.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My favorite three words:
      My teens: "Look! Free beer!"
      My 20s: "I'm not late."
      My 30s: "Diaper's not full."
      My 40s: "Gray hair? Sexy!"
      My 50s: "No problem here."

      Delete
  21. Happy belated birthday Al. Honeyman gets to visit Dr. Jolly Fingers this Thursday. Yes, that is what he calls him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that! Just hope he doesn't use all ten. I call my doctor, "The Claw."
      By the way, I KNOW that complaining falls on deaf ears when I complain to women. I've been told what you all have to endure. And all I have to say to that is,
      You really shouldn't have eaten that apple when that snake offered it you.

      Delete