At the Quakertown, Pennsylvania, Sonic Drive-Thru:
Disembodied Voice (DV): "Hi, welcome to Sonic. I'll be with you in a second."
Me: "Sure, no problem."
300 seconds later....
DV: "Thank you for waiting, may I take your order?"
Me: "Sure. I'd like a.....what do you guys want?"
(by the way, yes, during those 300 seconds, a smart person would have already determined what the back-seat wanted. Sue me).
Me: "Okay, thank you for waiting (like how I did that?). I'd like a cheeseburger with no onions."
DV: "Sweet or dill pickles?"
Me: "I don't want any pickles."
DV: "So no pickles?"
Me: "That's correct."
Me: "I said no onions."
DV: "Oh, that's right. Sorry. Hee hee. Anything else?"
Me: "Yes, a cherry lime-ade."
DV: "What size?"
Me: "Uh...(to the back) hey, what size?"
More back-seat mumbling...
DV: "Okay, let's see, that'll be a large strawberry lemonade with a double hamburger and extra pickles."
Me: "No, no, that's a medium cherry limeade with a cheeseburger, hold the onions."
DV: "Oh, sorry, my mistake. Hold the pickles. Will there be anything else?"
Me: "Hold the onions."
DV: "So, do you still want the pickles?"
Me: "I didn't order pickles."
DV: "Ohhhh, okay. Anything else?"
Me: "Sigh.......no, that'll do it."
DV: "Please drive around to the second window'"
NOTE: I rarely see the first window ever used.
I drive around to get behind a line of cars which remind me of the highway gridlock seen in that Tea Leoni asteroid movie. Or any afternoon on Philadelphia's Schuykill Expressway.
Me: "Well, it can't be a long wait. Look at all the people on inline roller skates. They have to be quick here."
Five minutes later.....
Backseat: "Hey, look. That dude on the roller skates has helped two cars already."
Ten minutes later....
Backseat: "Wow, he's pretty quick. That's three more cars. This place is cool. When am I going to get my cheeseburger?"
Me (grumbling to myself): "I thought 'Sonic' meant quick? I mean...you have your Burger King and your Dairy Queen. Even KFC has a picture of a dead white guy. I think the name 'Sonic' is false advertising."
After 20 minutes, we finally pull up to the window, where we see that the Disembodied Voice belongs to Perky Teenaged Girl With a Painful Looking Nose Ring (PTGWPLNR).
PTG: "Hi, can you give me a minute?"
Me (to the closed window): "Give you a minute????? What the frik you been doing in there?"
Backseat: "Hey, look! The roller skates guy has...."
Me: "CAN YOU JUST SHUT THE FRIK UP!!!!!!"
1 minute later...
PTG: "Thank you for waiting. That'll be $6.02"
I hand over a ten.
PTG: "Thank you. I'll be right back with your change."
Me (once again to the closed window): "#$@(&!!%$#@!!!!!!!"
45 seconds later.....
PTG: "Here you are, sir. 98 makes seven...eight...nine...ten! Please give me a second."
Yeah, you know how I reacted.....
30 seconds later (who'd have ever thought I wouldn't have minded waiting half a minute?).
PTG: "Here's your order, sir. Will there be anything else?"
Me: "Oh, God, no."
I drive away, accompanied by a squeal of tires and a great "Huzzah!" from the backseat. I hand back the cherry limeade and open the bag to get my order:
A bag of Tater Tots.
You know, Joe Pesci may have a point.
|Sonic-Greek for "Up Yours."|