It is now 12:20 AM, Eastern Daylight Time, on April 1st. I'm tired of waiting. Let the challenge begin!
Welcome to the 2012 A-Z Challenge!
26 letters, 26 different posts! All new, all unique, all hysterically funny!
Well, let’s not get carried away.
This annual test gives us a chance to see what we can do with one specific letter for one specific day. The topics are of our choosing and, in fact, can run the gamut from poetry to drawings to thoughtful, well-written treatises on the human condition.
Or crap like this.
|Oh, that book is so flagged.|
As anyone who’s ever taken an encyclopedia into the bathroom can attest (wait...you mean we all don’t do that?), you know that some letters have more possibilities than others.
For example, take ‘A.’ I could have written anything from ‘aardvark’ to ‘azygous.’ Instead, I chose to write about the ‘alphabet.’
Although, anything to do with ‘anal’ was seriously considered.
|"Could be worse. Could be the accordion."|
Then, consider ‘X.’ Now, there is one seriously constipated letter. Let’s see...you have ‘xylophone,’ ‘X-Ray,’ and ‘Xygote,’ but not much else.
NOTE: I know there are plenty of other ‘X’ words, wise-guy (like ‘Xi’, a type of baryon in particle physics. Hey, I know what it is. I never said I knew what it meant.).
So, ‘X’ can be tricky. Which can mean only one thing: a lot of ‘X-Men’ posts. Yes, I did one last year, but this time around I’m going with something a little different. You'll see.
Quite a few letters are pretty easy. Luckily, April has both “Easter” and “Passover,” so those two are no-brainers (do I really have to tell you it’s ‘E’ and ‘P’?).
Unfortunately, by the time ‘P’ rolls around, Passover has been over for a couple weeks. Still...it works.
“Baseball” is also easy (seriously, you’re gonna have to figure out the other letters on your own). Some ideas were suggested by you, my faithful followers. Sherilin and Julie inspired me to write about “Tuck-Ins” while Geeky Tendencies and Ermie awarded me with a “Versatile Blogger.”
Bingo! ‘T’ and ‘V’. Done.
|"He likes us! Penwasser really likes us!"|
I also talk about coffee, Iran, The Grey, Haikus, Narwhals, cheese, Ohio, yoga, and followers (ooh, you’re thinking...two words which begin with ‘C!’ Could there be one post which discusses them both? Ah...no).
|Not my choice for 'W." |
Because that would be too easy.
And I think you've come to expect
a little more than that outta me.
Obviously, that doesn’t add up to an entire alphabet. I’m workin’ on ‘em, I’m workin’ on them. Part of me enjoys the spontaneity of a topic just coming to me (like that "Giant Peter PEZ Dispenser" from last month), but waiting around for a literary epiphany to just strike isn’t terribly efficient.
Plus, if I finish everything by the end of the month, I can enjoy reading your blogs.
Well, to be intellectually honest, I really ought to describe our alphabet a little (just so you don’t think you were gypped).
|No, not those kind of Celtics!|
English, which is of Indo-European origin, traces its roots to Anglo-Saxon, Jute, Welsh, Old Frisian (whatever the frik that is), German, Latin, Greek, French, Celtic, Indic, Iranian (although mostly just “Death to America”), Armenian, Slavic, Baltic, Albanian, Italic, and New Jersey. It is richly diverse. And one of the most seriously effed-up languages on the planet.
The letters which make up the language were first developed by the ancient Phoenicians as a way to standardize trading practices and to seriously goof with Egyptian merchants.
|Yeah, 'Z' where 'G' should be. |
And dig that crazy 'S'.
No wonder they disappeared.
In fact, the Phoenician ‘A’ looked remarkably like the letter ‘K.’ Luckily, since there were no “kangaroos” or “kimonos” in the Mediterranean, the potential for confusion never came up. Besides, they had enough trouble trying to convince the Libyans that they should invest in sand.
And, while you're at it, can you
do something about 'Z'?"
It wasn’t until the Greeks, taking a break from ritual sodomy, noticed the discrepancy. “Hey, what the hell is this?” they thundered. “You can’t spell ‘Athena’ with a frikkin’ ‘K’!”
And, so, it was changed to the present form. Which is good, because I’d hate to eat “Kpple Pie.”
Between the Greeks, Romans, and the Carthaginian makers of Scrabble, we finally arrived at our present-day number of 26 letters for the alphabet.
Which is fantastic. Imagine if we used the Cyrillic or Arabic alphabet?
No frikkin’ way I could write a post about Ж or ش .
See you for ‘B’!
|"You're fired! And...you're fired! |
While we're at it, can someone dig Billy Martin up?
So I can fire him, too!"
You know what it’s about.