I'm a little late.
|In case you didn't know, here it is. |
Orange line confuses the hell out of the fish, though.
Sidebar, your honor (pretty much interchangeable with a “NOTE”, to be honest)? Hey, all you Australia, New Zealand, and Falkland Islands people? Starting to get a little chillier where you are? While it’s getting a little warmer here?
That hemisphere thing cuts both ways, you know.
|They're not called 'Islas Malvinas' for nothing. |
I'm just sayin'...
Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah.
April 6th just didn’t work for “Passover.” After all, it was an ‘F’ day (in more ways than one) and I couldn’t logically fit a ‘Passover’ post in. I tried “Oh, F! I Forgot to buy a Frikkin’ Passover card!”, but I thought most of you would have seen it as a shameless attempt to inject filler into the A-Z Challenge.
Like that dreadful “Lemonade” post.
|Yep. Full of shit.|
Having done so, I promised to be back on the 18th to give Passover its proper due. Of course, I run the risk of you having moved on to the next holiday. Which is Memorial Day. But, that’s not until the end of May, so it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
As a test of how much I learned in school, I’m not going to consult a book, Google, the entrails of an owl, or Mr. Fineman from across the street. I’m also too lazy to open a book.
NOTE (that’s more like it. Enough with this pretentious ‘sidebar’ nonsense): The following could be considered wildly irreverent. Could be? Please accept my apologies in advance. I just hope that Hell has visiting hours so you can come see me.
Passover is a Jewish (I think we got that) celebration which commemorates the exodus (so THAT explains the book) of the Hebrews from Egypt, way back when Betty White was just a teenager.
|"Once I become Pharaoh, |
I'm cutting this dumbass hair thing off."
|See what I'm saying? |
She's been dead for almost 30 years now, though.
Which kinda sucks.
Especially for her.
If he hadn’t, though, Cecil B. DeMille wouldn’t have known what type of movie to make.
Moses, heeding a divine call, decided to go back to Egypt to free the slaves. Imagine Ramses’ chagrin (i.e., hacked-off) when the “Big Mo” barged into meetings of the Pyramid Planning Commission, waved his stick around, and turned goats into chickens. Or grass stains into dazzling whites.
|Boils. Snooki. |
Wonder how they were
able to tell the difference.
Well, Moses eventually had enough of this crap. He told Ramses that the first-born of Egypt would be slain in punishment for enslaving his people. This included (cue dramatic music) the Pharaoh’s own son!
|"Hey, whaddya know? |
Monkeys can fly!"
The Hebrews, feeling pretty damned cocky, painted goat (or sheep?) blood over their doors. They felt quite safe that death would “pass” them “over.” (Get it now?). If only because Death got wicked skeeved at the sight of blood.
|"Whaddya mean, no Canadian Ham? |
Well, I'll just have to give this to the Catholics down the street.
Wait. Catholics haven't been invented yet?
|Not bad with peanut butter, |
NOTE: Ramses may not have actually said ‘shit.’
So, Moses jumped for Joy (his sister-in-law) and convinced everybody to head out (“So, where is it we’re going exactly, Mr. Fancy Pants Big Shot?”). He wasn’t exactly sure where, though. His BFF, Aaron, had turned his map into an origami swan.
|"Yeah, see? Moses is a punk, see? |
This hat is squeezin' my frikkin'
head like a grape, see?"
They were finally allowed to enter the Promised Land after 40 years (the prior tenants had a wicked long-term lease).
Since I’m over 1,000 words, let me finish by saying that Moses wasn’t even allowed to enter with the rest of his people (he didn’t get his wrist stamped).
|"Is it any wonder Bo thought I was hot?|
Can someone untie me now?"
I think it had something to do with smacking a rock to get water. Which was a mistake.
Because, as we all know, paper, not water, covers rock.
Now, go ahead, get ready for Memorial Day.