To give you a "Best of Al" repost from last year's A-Z Challenge.
Sidebar, your honor? Does anyone ever fall for that "Best of..." nonsense? I mean, do you think it's really the "Best of Rush Limbaugh" (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) or a "Best of Al Qaeda"? In reality, what it really means is that the host is busy doing something else, so someone else has to choose a "best of." Which may not really be a "best of..." It may only be a "Quit Yer Bitchin'-At Least You're Getting Something of..." At least it's not "The Suckiest of..."
So it is here. As the next A-Z Challenge approaches, I began to feel there were some posts I wanted to save until next month. In a perfect world, I'll have them all done ahead of time, sitting on delayed post until April. That way, I can spend all next month responding to your comments (which I hope will number in the thousands. Or tens). I also wanted to read some of your posts and comment on those, too. That's in a perfect world. In reality, I'll be lucky enough to remember to put on pants to go to work.
Some of you may have already read this. So, Eva, Manzanita, Jenny, Barb, and Antares (if that's your real name), you may want to give this a pass. There were others who commented last year, but I haven't seen them in a while. So, who knows? I may have scared them away.
I promise that each post in April will be new stuff. Well, except the one for the letter 'E.' You may guess what the topic is. Hint: It's not 'Enema.' Although......
While the below may not be a "best of," I hope it at least isn't a "The Suckiest of."
From the April 7th entry of the 2011 A-Z Challenge:
Ghosties, Ghoulies, and Things Which Go Bump In the Night
FULL DISCLOSURE: I was raised a Catholic and, as you know, was even an altar boy. However, I was married to a Jewish girl for a few years before I married her Presbyterian hairdresser (I’m continually amazed at her poor taste in men). Anyway, the following may offend the deeply religious and people from Bridgeport, Connecticut. In any case, if that describes you, you may wish to move along. Yeah, as if....
|"Gross! Aren't you too old to be pissing the bed? |
And why are you asleep next to that dude's foot? Freak!"
My daughter loves to watch “Ghost Adventures.”
For those of you who have lives, Ghost Adventures is a program on the Travel Channel that purports to show what the “living-challenged” are like.
Oh, sure, some of you may smugly think you know everything there is to know about ghosts. You’ve seen Casper cartoons, watched Bill Murray in Ghostbusters, and thought Patrick Swayze was the hottest spook you have ever seen (incidentally, he is now a ghost. Ooh, too soon?).
|"Let me take my shirt off |
and watch those lady ghosts go wild.
Aaron? You can keep yours on. Dude."
Hey, who’s to say that “PFFFFFTTTTTTBLURRRPPPPP!!!!!” isn’t
“Get out before I pants you?”
Sometimes I watch the show with my daughter just to make fun of it and poke her in the side screaming, “Boo!” Our favorite episode was when the boys visited the abandoned Remington Arms factory in Bridgeport, Connecticut.
|As seen from the Mayor's Office|
I had to laugh at Zak and company. Even though they tried to impress upon us that their immortal souls were in danger, they were actually safer locked inside. I’m not saying Bridgeport is dangerous, but even the birds carry guns.
|The movie which set Linda Blair's career in motion. |
For Exorcist II.
And that's it.
For instance, are Catholics the only ones allowed to be exorcists?
But, what happens if a priest wasn’t available and you had to call in, say, a Lutheran?
OK, raise your hands. How many think a demon would be intimidated by a Lutheran? That’s right, any self-respecting spawn of Satan would just yawn and put up drapes.
I would think he’d have to call in a priest (sort of like a theological Batman). Who’d then sprinkle some holy water on the sofa, say a few “Be gone from this holy place, foul demon!” incantations, and hand out some Bingo cards. Still, it’d be-voila!-no more demon!
It couldn’t be that simple, though. Certainly, there’d have to be Jewish ghosts. Would a Catholic work then? A crucifix would have no effect on a Yiddish evil spirit, I’m sure. Maybe a Star of David?
I would think for a Jewish ghost, you’d need a rabbi. Imagine that....
“So, Mr. Fancy-pants, you think you’re so special you can come in here and terrorize these nice people? Stop being such a big shot, get your coat, and scram, ya schmuck, ya. And don’t forget to wipe your feet.”
Plus, what about Muslim ghosts? How would even know your ghost was a Muslim? Would you have a shoe thrown at your head in the middle of the night?
How ‘bout Mormon ghosts? I wouldn’t think that’d be so bad. They’d probably only possess your bicycles.
Finally, how would you get rid of an atheist ghost? Surely there have to be some. Maybe all you’d need to say is, “You don’t believe in me? Well, I don’t believe in you. Swear to God.” Problem solved.
Just to be on the safe side, better keep the Vatican on speed dial, though.