Thursday, March 1, 2012

Tag! I'm It.

   Jenny, from the Pearson Report, is one of the hosts for this year’s A-Z Challenge.  The challenge challenges we (or is that us?) bloggers to stretch our writing talents in a challenging month-long celebration of the alphabet. 
    NOTE: Quite possibly a record for the most uses of the word ‘challenge’ in a single sentence.
    Each day is devoted to a single letter, commencing with April 1st (this makes sense to me).  On that day, we write a post about anything starting with the letter ‘A’ (or ‘Z’, if you’re dyslexic-I’M JUST KIDDING!  I don’t want any hate mail from Jenny). 
    The rest of the month goes likewise, except you don’t use ‘A’ for every day (you’d think there are some things that don’t need pointing out).  Sundays are “off” days to give us a chance to recharge our batteries.  But, also because April has 30 days and the alphabet has 26 letters (trust me, I checked).  Slightly more if you’re talking the Spanish alphabet.  But, I really don’t count ch, ll, rr, or that crazy ñ.  Three of those are just double letters and that ‘ñ’ makes you sound like Antonio Banderas, famous Spanish guy, voice of Puss N Boots, a sucky Zorro, and I think that bumblebee from those Nasonex commercials. 
Yeah. I was shocked, too.
    Anyway, Jenny, from the aforementioned Pearson Report....hang on, did any of you click on that link right there?  Especially since I went through the trouble of typing it in for you?  The least you could is click on it and see how good of a blog she has.  So, if you haven’t, go ahead and do so while I wait.  While you’re there tell Jenny I said hello.  Now...go!
"Penwasser, you idiot!
Night School and
Community College are of Satan!"
    Hmm, hmm, hmm......are any of you still here?  Well, if you insist on stubbornly staying (Al's Grammar Note: this is known as 'alliteration.' Yep, those night school Creative Writing courses didn't go to waste, although those nuns still want credit), I can’t force you to go elsewhere.  But, to keep you busy while everyone else is at the Pearson Report, here’s a link to naked Scarlett Johansson pictures.
    Ah, HA!!!  Now, aren’t you ashamed?  Yeah, I kept those pictures just to myself.  But, maybe you learned how to make a quilt.  So, it’s not a complete loss.
    Now, where was I?  Oh, yeah, Jenny asked me to participate in The Answer Game to get us all psyched for the challenge.  I’m sorry it took so long to get back to her.  I’ve been busy and lazy.  But, mostly lazy. 
    What’s more, who knows when this post will get to Blogger?  If you’re reading it on Thursday, then I accomplished what I wanted to do.  If it’s Friday, then I got distracted by something shiny (or naked) and had to wait another day.
    So, let’s hope for Thursday.  Although, that naked thing sounds kind of appealing, too.  Unless it’s me.  Then, ewwwwwww.
It's not baseball season, so the Cubs weren't playing.
On the other hand, they didn't lose that day, either.
    Plus, I wanted to write about my trip to Chicago.  It was fun to write and, if you haven’t read it, you may find it amusing.  I’m not giving you a link to it, because how silly would that be?  Just scroll down to the bottom and select “Older Posts.”  It’s that simple and I don’t have to type anything in.  Just wait until you’re done here, though.
    Well, while we’re young, here are the questions and my answers:
Are you signed up for the A-Z Challenge?
  What challenge?  Duh...of course.
What is your sign-up number?
  226.  I don’t know why this is important, but it probably is.  After all, it’s a number.
Are you ready?  If yes...explain yourself.
  If, by ready, you mean are all my posts written?  Ha ha ha, I laugh at you.
If you’re not ready...what’s your excuse?
  While I have some days set aside for certain letters (for instance, April 1st will be about the Alphabet.  I called it first!!), I haven’t written any complete post.  I’m an artist, after all, and need “the moment” to spur me to artistic heights.  Or some other such crap like that.
It's nothing like this. I'm hairier.
    You didn’t ask, but my biggest challenge is going to be March.  In the next few weeks, I’m going to be inspired to write about something only to think, “Hey, that would make a great post for April.”  To avoid that, I think I’m going to devote March to reposts of some of my favorites from last April.  That way, my new followers can see what they can expect.  And my older followers can say, “Cripes, I’ve seen this crap before!  I’m gonna go watch ‘American Idol’!”  And I can lie (or is that ‘lay?’  Ooh, that sounds dirty) around on my newly-transplanted ass, think great thoughts, and play my handheld Yahtzee in the bathroom.
WARNING: Utterly Shameless Self-Promotion Ahead
But no Batman and Robin. Damn.
    Before I go, I’d like to bring your attention to the fact that Shag Carpet Toilet (still on Kindle, still thousands left) is now joined by another masterpiece from the man who brought you Shag Carpet Toilet (hmm, now that I read that, I probably could’ve worded that sentence better):  The Knothead Twins and the Mystery of the Ghost Crabs.
    TKTATMOTGC (wow, that acronym is a tad clunky and not really worth the effort, huh?) is a Young Adult (aka ‘YA.’  Now, that acronym works!) novel.  It’s not hysterically funny like SCT (another acronym which works and...did I mention...SCT is still available on Kindle?).  In fact, it’s similar in feel to a Nancy Drew book (my, ain’t we full of ourselves?) or Scooby Doo.  Only without annoying talking dogs or pussies named Shaggy.
    So, if you like that kind of read, go ahead and check it out.  It don’t cost nuthin’ for a free sample (hence the word ‘free’).  Well, I’m right up on 1,000 words so I better go (you’re welcome).  

The Knothead Twins and the Mystery of the Ghost Crabs


  1. You've managed to describe the A to Z Challenge perfectly and cleared up any confusion I had over it so thanks Al, I'm definitely going to sign up next year! And now I have two books to buy in the future, damn! :P I'm sure it's a great read buddy.

  2. Well good luck in the challenge there. Here's hoping you have original X. I could think of a few. But I'm not doing the challenge. HA!

  3. I know it's horrible but I tend to never read the A-Z challenge posts when people do them. I'm a shit person but I've come to terms with it. I just can't commit to a post a day anymore. I can't even commit to trying to cram the writing into my weekends. I should at least support those who take it on but have found that they just post total bullshit for the sake of completing the challenge. Now for you...for you I'll read them...well yours at least.

    1. hope you read mine too darling Jewels, I promise to not post Spiders when we hit "S" lol

  4. How can I possibly catch up on another book when I'm still savoring the first one?! I'm also doing A to Z and I have a higher number than you do, so does that mean I get Q and X off? Congrats on number 2! Julie

  5. A to Z challenge sounds way tough. Good for you for doing it!

  6. Now whats wrong with a pussy? You know what I mean, keep the mind out of the just got all 31 posts done for march yesterday now on to the 30 for april, 26 of which will be a to z, all this damn math geez.

  7. I'll read your homage to the letter X. The difficult letters intrigue me, so I'll be expecting you to produce something good. And don't give us some silly cheating X-word.

  8. I'm looking forward to it again this year (my # is quite high this go around)

  9. I may just do 26 days of Q, to be an ass. It could be fun...

  10. You are so darn funny!
    I'm still on the fence about the challenge. I really need to decide soon, because that thing is damn uncomfortable...

  11. @Matthew: Well, the knotheads is a different kind of book, I'll give you that. I actually wrote it for my daughter. But, I reworded it a little so it would be better for publication. For instance, I added verbs.
    @Mark: Last year, for 'X' I chose to write about the X-Men (not very original). But, it was about a new X-Man called Mucousa (which I think WAS original).
    @Jewels: Well, thanks for that! I will try to put up some good stuff. I'm sure there will be a couple "quickies" (hmm, I say that as if it's a bad thing), though. But, they'll be original quickies.
    @Julie: I don't think you're allowed to get your 'X' off. Well, within city limits anyway.
    @Gia: In a warped way, it's liberating. Instead of trying to figure out what to write about, I'm tied to one letter. Helps to restrict me a little. Because, without any limits, I may write about chicken vaginas.
    @Pat: Oh, I never thought of that. So, can I talk about scared trees (aka "Pussy Willows")?
    @Gorilla: This year I'll be going to the dictionary for 'X.' I won't do X-Men, Xylophone, or....hmm...yeah, I got nuthin'. Better start looking at that dictionary now.
    @baygirl: I really don't know what that number is all about. Maybe higher numbers get to go to the buffet first...?
    @Brandon: That would be EPIC!!!!!
    @Pat: Especially when the chain link is installed with the pointy sides up. And don't get me started on stockade fences!

  12. I already celebrate the alphabet when I bastardize the English language every week with my writing, thank-you-very-much.

  13. Hey Al - you little Tagmeister! Thanks for playing TAG with me! And, because you played, so nicely (good link back) I've added your blog to my TAGGED BY PEARSON REPORT Blog roll - go check it out!
    And...because you are an awesome follower of Pearson Report (smart man) I have added you in my draw (which is closing shortly, I waited for you Al) for a piece of awesomely excellent original artwork, compliments of my daughter. (you did go check out the link to her work, right?)

    Love, love, loved this post - very creative and, like you Al, I like the spontaneity of writing the A to Z posts the day of...but, given my role as co-host, I have to be somewhat prepared so I can use every available spare minute in April to visit (stalk) all the participants.

    Jenny @ Pearson Report
    Co-Host of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.
    Twitter: @AprilA2Z

  14. @Beer: 'Bastardize.' There's your 'B' right there!
    @Jenny: My pleasure! I'm looking forward to a fun month. Artwork would be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy cool. Mrs. Penwasser is getting really tired of "Dogs Playing Poker."

  15. Glad to hear you weren't destracted by anything shiny or naked!

    Can't wait to see you work your way through the alphabet! I always wonder about x! Better start thinking a head for that one!

  16. Well, it's not from lack of trying. "No, you can go right ahead and write."

  17. I really wanted to sign up for the challenge, but I am busy enough as it is. It has been weeks since I got more than 4-5 hours of sleep.

  18. I'm liking the cover art. If the contents are anything similar, I know i'm down for a copy.

  19. Well, now what am I gonna do? I don't watch that I mean American Idol.
    I don't write mine early either. Instead of reposts, I plan on putting links to last year's letter each day during the challenge.

  20. Im doing it too Al. Buggered to know how I got talked into it. That Jenny is a certainly convincing.

    This should be fun.

  21. I haven't heard of the tag yet but I doing the challenge. I'm # 353. I can't imagine trying to even make a dent in that list. I've only written 3 posts so far. I better get moving cuz I'll be in Arizona at the end of March so no time to write. I'm biting my nails now!

  22. Oh Al, I just peaked because I wanted to size up my competition. Now, I've got two quilts finished and a third in the works.

    Good on you for doing the challenge again.

    Moreover, your next book is out?! CONGRATULATIONS!! Keep it up. (I know, I know, that's what I - I mean, she - said.) Seriously, you inspire.


  23. Sure let the wind blow through the pussy willows...haha

  24. @Nellie: A night? Or for an entire week? Either way, that kinda sucks.

  25. @Shockgrubz: I liked doing it. I poured sand on my driveway and used one of my daughter's Barbies (even though the shadow makes her look like the bride of Frankenstein).
    @Ruth: That's good to hear. No sense plugging your brain into the TV. Did you get messed up by those tornadoes?
    @Mynx: Jenny could sell condoms to eunuchs.
    @Nancy: I'l be writing most of them this month. But, part of the fun is something that pops up unexpectedly and inspires me. Like chicken vaginas. Oh...wait...that didn't sound right.
    @Robyn: Cool, you said what I would've said. But, if I kept it up, I couldn't use the laptop. Well, eventually I could...
    @Damon: Thanks!
    @Pat: Pussy Willow: appearing nightly at Jungle Jim's Gentleman's Club. Just off I-95, in Philadelphia's Fishkill section. Come for the pole, stay for the fish! (NOTE: that grosses even me out)

    1. It all went south. There was lots of wind here. Hail west of here but once it got to Des Moines, the storms split. The snowy, blizzard crap went north and the nasty tornado crap went south. Thanks for asking. I am surprised no trees didn't go down in the wind though.

  26. When I was watching CNN coverage today, I thought of you (Blogger really has shrunk the world, huh). Glad to hear all went well.

  27. Holy fuck man..this looks like DON CARTER taking a CRAPOLA!

    1. I knew that Raisin Bran wasn't such a hot idea.
      Shoulda had cheese.

  28. yeah, that acronym was a wee bit "clunky" as you said and difficult to pronounce. much like many the military uses.
    good luck with your challenge. i don't handle pressure well, so i won't be joining you. heck, i may just skip over you all through march since as we all know around here, i'm your longest suffering reader and have probably already read the recycled gems you've got in store for us during march. but i'll still visit you and your insanity on facebook. or maybe i'll come back anyway, just to harass you and make sure you're keeping your nuts out of your shoes.

  29. Yeah, you'll recognize all of them. The pictures will be new, though. So, you can take a break. Like you said, though, Facebook will keep you "in the loop", so to speak. Too bad you don't have Twitter. I'm there, too. Good lord, I'm everywhere (like Rob Schneider on an Adam Sandler movie set).
    Too late about my shoes, though. Goshdarn and...OUCH!

    1. i've decided not to be a tweeter. i've got enough tech connections to maintain without adding a new one. i'll let you all twat it up without me.

  30. Thanks for clearing that up, I was wondering who did the voice of the bee in the nasonex commercials. Or did you?

  31. That challenge sounds tough. A post a day ? I'd never manage it, either that or my blog would turn into facebook with me posting about what I had for dinner and how tired I am.

    I don't have a kindle - nor do I have any plans to get one. I like my books to be...well..books.
    Shame, 'cos I'd really like to read them.

    1. I, too, actually like the tactile (snooty term, I know) feel of paper books. Kindles are cool, though.

    Thanks for the Amish Quilt.
    Wanted to peep some nips, but now I am hankering for a good barn-raising!
    AM I the ONLY one who clicked that link?
    Doubt it.
    What's this about a challenge?

    1. I strongly suspect you weren't the only one. Hell, I would've clicked on it. The A-Z Challenge: for 26 days in April, the challenge is to write a post for each of those days restricted to a specific letter (i.e., April 1st-A, April 2nd-B, and so on). April 1st is the only Sunday which will need a post (the other Sundays are "off"). It's kind of fun. Have a look at Jenny Pearson's blog if you want to sign up: