Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Star Wars Episode VII: Return of the Brainless

Movie ticket:  $10.00
Large Buttered Popcorn:  $11.50
Large Diet Soda (I said it was buttered popcorn!):  $3.25
Convincing people that a movie made with 3D sucks less than it did in 1999:  Priceless 


Oh, yeah, right, him you kill.  But...Jar Jar Binks?  Yeah, he's good to go.
For those who are all pissed off because I gave away the fact that Darth Maul doesn't live to see Episode  II,  where have you been for 13 years!?  I mean, it's not like I told you that Qui Gon Jinn dies....oops.  Oh, bugger.

32 comments:

  1. Hey Al...I hated it then and I'd hate it now and 3D doesn't make it any better!
    That being said...I'd go just for the "buttered" popcorn.

    Keep your eyes peeled...I've got you mentioned in my Feb 27th post...yup, it's already written - and you're in it...like it or not! That's how the buttered popcorn pops (aka cookie crumbles)

    Cheers, Jenny @ Pearson Report
    Co-Host of the Blogging from A to Z Challenge.
    Twitter: @AprilA2Z

    PS...Miss hanging out at your place, been knee deep in chicken soup!

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  2. Don't do this. Don't tell me it's awful. I was going to watch it this weekend. First time ever.

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  3. There are some movies coming out this year with state of the art graphics, this can't hold a candle to them. And the price, not worth it.

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  4. I cant believe you only pay $10 for a 3D movie. Gahhh we are so ripped off here

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  5. That movie was beyond awful. I did like the ones that followed but that one just super sucked!

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  6. Yeah you're so right Al when it comes to this Star Wars film. I actually prefer it marginally to the other two in the first trilogy but it still seemed an odd choice to be released, unless they're slowly releasing them all in 3D which just shows Lucas Arts are getting continually more desperate for new money making schemes. You're right that it's disgusting two really good characters died while JAR JAR BINKS lives! Agh, it still annoys me even to this day haha, great post mate.

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  7. Just another case of Lucas trying to cash grab on star wars once more. That's all he can do, besides but out a dreadful Indiana Jones sequel, star wars this, star wars that, it just needs to damn well die already. Been beat to death and those prequels suck. He's nothing but a hack now a days. And 3d, they can take that and shove it.

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    1. Thanks for the review but I don't think I'll be seeing it, even if you said it was as good as a Fred Astaire movie. I know, I'm being shallow but the truth is, I can't afford the pop corn and what's a movie without it?

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  8. @Jenny: Glad to see you-I missed you. Knee deep in chicken soup? The book or the beverage/meal? By the way, you know what you are when you peel your eyes? Blind.
    @Nellie: Welllllllllll, let me put it this way: Jar Jar Binks. And Anakin Skywalker. But, Liam Neeson and that red-faced critter are pretty entertaining.
    @Anne: You are sooooo right.
    @Mynx: $10 is an average so people are paying more. Actually, since I saw it, I got ripped off.
    @Jenn: I liked the original one and the sixth one. Which was actually Episode 3. Whatever. But, bust a move that Yoda can. And Samuel L. Jackson was in it (and you know what usually happens to Samuel L. Jackson's characters in movies).
    @Matthew: Lucas only wants to make money? Say it ain't so! Meesa so pissed Jar Jar no have bomba dropped on hissa head.
    @Pat: The earlier Indiana Jones movies were pretty good (Temple of Doom kinda blew, though). But, you wonder....how much of that was due to Steven Spielberg and how much to Lucas?
    @Manzanita: I'll take a Fred Astaire movie anyday. Except 'Ghost Story.' Even though there was gratuitous nudity in it (NOT Fred).

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  9. I realise that as an American you may well think I'm stupid for saying this but I really don't like star wars, never did as a kid either.

    Give me Star Trek and Batman.

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  10. I most definitely do not think you're stupid. I much prefer Star Trek. And Batman (except the George Clooney Batman).

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  11. 3D version? The old version was bad enough.

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  12. But, now Jabba the Hutt looks super-realistic. Oh, wait...

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  13. 3D jar jar binks means one more demension to hate him in!

    Movie tickets if a family member works at the threater: 0 dollars
    Popcorn and pop if you sneek your own in: 0 dollars
    Seeing the Phantom Menice: what ever years of the
    therapy costs!

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  14. Don't think I want Jabba sitting on my lap.

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  15. You're supposed to take a big purse...ahem, I mean a European shoulder bag full of beverages and snacks.

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  16. but Obi-Wan trained Batman and led the kids in Narnia

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  17. Love this post, so true and awesome.

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  18. I worked at a movie theater when I was a kid, and I'm still addicted to popcorn. Julie

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  19. Thanks for the spoilers.

    Just kidding, I've seen them all,and you've captured what the fans want to see very well. Down with JarJar!

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  20. I've never seen any of the Star Wars films in their entirety. Derp.

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  21. Did that guy headbutt a giant beetroot? A swordsman ought to wash his face before pulling out his weapon.

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  22. @Bersercules: Families don't let families see the Phantom Menace.
    @AC: Yeah, and how embarrassing would it be if I popped a chub?
    @Ruth: And to throw up in.
    @Adam: "These are not nipple batsuits you are looking for."
    @aamedor: The force was strong in me. Either that, or those beans.
    @Julie: Especially popcorn I can make at home. My mother worked at a drive-in movie theater. Ate a lot of free popcorn there.
    @shockgrubz: Just wait until I review "The Grey." Liam Neeson dies in that one, too. Oh, crap!!! I did it again. Let's hope nobody reads these comments to comments. But, he DOES live in "Schindler's List" (HINT: Still, not really a date movie).
    @DWei: And for that, you can be grateful. Although "The Empire Strikes Back" was pretty good-you find out that Darth Vader is Luke's father. Ohhhh, crap, crap, and double crap!!!! I keep doing this!!!! And, even though he sounds like him, he's not James Earl Jones (Darth, not Luke. Luke sounds like and IS Mark Hamill. Who really hasn't done much since).
    @ComeAtMeBro: Golly, I hope you meant the review and not the movie.
    @Gorilla: I think it was a sex thing. Good thing he was killed. By Obi-Wan Kenobi.......damn!!!!!! ANOTHER frikkin' spoiler!!!!!

    That's it. I'm going to read your blogs now. Before I tell you that the 'Titanic' sinks. Ohhhh, shi.....oh, wait. I'm guessing you knew that already. Or should. Even if you're from New Jersey.

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  23. I'd put more faith in Speilberg than Lucas, but both are pretty well dried up now. Neither has made a good movie in the last decade.

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    1. But, what about "Indiana Jones and the Search For a Nice Clean Restroom"? I hear that'll rake in the dough.

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  24. Well much as we all like to critique Lucas the fact remains that he is a gazillionaire and we aren't. I wish I had just one movie in ME then I could retire and count my pennies.

    chuckleworthy Al, very chuckleworthy...

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    1. You know, that's a good point. I fully admit that 'Penwasser Place' isn't Hemingway (and not just because I don't have a hole in my head. Ooooh, too soon?), but I wouldn't mind it one bit if I got paid millions to write stories about heel cream urine and Bong Recreation Areas.

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  25. Don't get me started on those shitty prequels... A giant F.U. to a brilliant legacy.. Sorry, I thought the Force was an energy field created by all living things.. but apparently its some shit in your blood called Midiclorians..

    Lucas lost it big time...

    Watch this for the best (though comprehensive) analysis of ST: TPM ever! Now that's worth watching..

    ps also check out The People vs George Lucas. Gold.

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  26. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI

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  27. I watched it-now THAT was priceless! Thanks.

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