Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Out of Town

    You may have noticed I really haven't written much the past few days.  Sure, I've posted pictures, but they don't take nearly the same effort as writing a full-length humor classic (or the crap I write).  I have to admit, though, I really liked that Iranian Jihad Glee Club thing.  It made me giggle (and forced my family and I into hiding).  The Hillary one wasn't too bad, either.  But, the metric post was a little weak.  It may have even....sucked?  But, hey, you still looked, right?  I guess I can't hit a home run every time.

    I've been out of town taking my daughter to Lynchburg College in-you guessed it-Lynchburg, Virginia.  To say we're smack dab in the middle of the Bible Belt is an understatement.  Especially since our hotel was across the street from Liberty University, founded by the Reverend Jerry Falwell and not a single homosexual.  I did not open my mouth the entire time I was there, lest I be branded as a "Yankee faggot."  

    I think I'll write a post about my travels way down south in the land of cotton sometime this week.

    But, for now, a little weiner......

Made ya look

    Oh, were you expecting something else?  Sigh....well....I guess I have myself to blame.  Give the people what they want,  I suppose.....

So many jokes, so little time

    Well, that's just wrong, so let me leave you with these to mull over (possibly in the privacy of your bathroom with the door locked)....

My blog, my fantasy.

I know I'll get grief from my male followers for this, but who loves ya, ladies?  I've been told this guy is good-looking.  But, even though there were plenty of barechested and underwear pictures of him, no way was I going to post them.  For, in the words of Marlon Brando in The Godfather:  "That I cannot do."  Marlon also couldn't fit into a size 32 jeans, either.  And not just 'cause he's dead.

All right, time to go see where I'm going to send $40,000 a year to.  
Can I get an "Amen"?


  1. I find it really interesting the whole idea of shipping your kids halfway across the country to go to school. We had a old neighbour consider a daily trip into the city to Uni for our son to be a long way to go.
    Thank you for the man candy. Twas yummy :)

  2. Wish your daughter good luck at school! Hopefully, she's not shy like you! Julie

  3. Good luck to your daughter man, it's crazy how much college fees are in the US but what can you do? Your Glee Club post still has to be close to one of the funniest I've read in a long time so I don't think I can complain, have fun.

  4. Thanks for saving me from all those barechested pictures, but the question is did you enjoy them?..lol

    Never been to the bible belt, my knuckles thank me for it too. I hear those belts sting.

  5. And $40,000 holy crap! Cost me $50,000 for 4 years. You guys are getting ripped off down there.

  6. Your kids have good taste in the state that they choose to give them a proper education!!

  7. Welcome to my world. I have two, yes, TWO in university at present. Luckily, in Canada it's subsidized and tuition is around $5,000 CAD per year. My daughter goes to school in Denmark where the Danish students not only get FREE college education, but also get PAID to attend!

  8. Good luck to your daughter!


  9. Good luck to your daughter and good for you for keeping your comments to yourself while in Falwell land! Iris Johansen is gorgeous. I'd turn gay I think if she looked my way. She is an amazing actress too. As for the picture below hers....well, I guess I really wouldn't turn gay. He's hot! Have fun.

  10. $40K? You're getting off easy, my friend! I'm looking at $57K. Oy vey! But thanks for reminding me to go take a gander at your last 3 posts. Funny, stuff, as always! Sorry I missed them the when they came out, but I'm trying to earn a little moollah to cover that $57K. As for that guy, Shemar Moore, yeah, he's good-looking, but so not my type. Next time, contact me for a few resommendations, but I wanna see some bare chests, goddammit!

  11. @Mynx: I don't get it. She just wants to go away to school. For some reason, I think she thinks we're just going to just "drop in" on her. I've tried to convince her that if she goes to a state school in northwest PA, she'll be farther (or is that 'further'? Oh, crap) away than if she went to a Virginia school.
    @Julie: Actually, she's a lot like me (except in looks-thank God). My son, though, has almost the exact same sense of humor. However, he's super smart in math and science (unlike me. 2+2=many). Which means: he'll be able to afford to put Daddy in a swanky old folks home.
    @Yeamie: I look for pictures on the Drudge Report and try to think of captions. It made me giggle, but I hope I didn't hack any mullahs off. I hear they can get cranky.
    @Pat: It was pretty funny down there. When I set a bagel on fire in the toaster (I will probably write a post about that), you shoulda seen all the looks I got when I shouted, "Oh, my God!!"
    @laughingmom: Virginia is one of the most beautiful states I've ever had the pleasure of living in and visiting. Even though Lynchburg is, in the words of Mrs. Penwasser, a little too "Deliverancy" (and she's FROM Virginia).
    @Kara: Two in the university?? Good God in the morning (they would've thrown me out of Lynchburg for saying THAT). Danish students? You mean they actually have class in how to bake breakfast pastries? The Prune Danish students probably need to be close to a bathroom, though. On the other hand, the Cheese Danish students probably get all bound up. Which makes them want to trade for a Prune Danish, I guess.
    @Pearl: Thanks! Four more years and she's off the payroll. A graduate degree will be on her own dime.
    @Barb: I KNEW some women thought Shemar was hot.
    @Nancy: $57K??????????? I hope that's not community college. I'll take recommendations, but....please....no Danny DeVito, no Danny DeVito, no Danny DeVito!

  12. $40,000/year. Holy crap! Colleges are not that much here. I know what you are going to say. "It's Iowa".
    Next time you should get a picture of a footlong hotdog so you can have a picture of a big wiener.

  13. There's really a place in Virginia called Lynchberg? Whoever named that place must have had a dark sense of irony...or belonged to the KKK.

  14. @Ruth: Yep, $40,000. No kidding-pretty much the norm. There are colleges in Pennsylvania that cost that much, too. It's not as bad as you think, though. You get a complimentary bottle of water and a college slinky when you check in to the dorm. So, you have that going for you. No smarmy Iowa cracks here. Well....this time.
    @Gorilla: Absolutely true. There's also a Lynchburg, Tennessee. And a few other states have Lynchburg's, too. Unsolicited Historical Fact: The term [and practice] of "Lynching" draws its origins to a Virginia judge (in the 1700's, I think) whose last name was 'Lynch.' Additional Unsolicited Historical Fact: The name in reality is an Irish (some say Scottish) name which draws its etymological roots to the word 'Lynx.'

  15. Your posts are humour classic to me. I'd want to inspect every bit of the place if I were plunking down that much cash!

  16. haha @Gorilla Bananas
    As for the Scarlet picture...... she is way prettier than that next stupid guy picture?!
    Its not even close!

  17. "Yankee faggot."

    Since a faggot is a traditional UK dish made from pig's heart, liver, fatty belly meat and bacon mixed together, with herbs added for flavouring (when did they start adding flavour to UK food) which are shaped into balls by hand, wrapped round with membrane from the pig's abdomen then oven baked.

    I'm guessing that a Yankee version of a faggot would involve smothering it in cheese and peanut butter before being deep fried and served in a sesame seed bun with a side order of heart failure. The McDonald version would be served with a limp bit of lettuce and come with a way to healthy warning for most of its customers.....

  18. @BL: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought a British 'faggot' was a cigarette...? American faggots are gay men (I'm thinking there's a phallic symbolism holdover from the British concept of a cigarette...?). I thought what you described was haggis? Or maybe that's a just a Scottish term. Wonder what they call their homos...?
    Hee hee hee,,,you used the words 'balls' and 'limp' in the same comment.
    By the way, I'm not a homophobe. I just enjoy poking fun at them. Especially if they don't poke me.
    @Steve: I completely agree. Maybe he IS good-looking, but I don't know. If I did, that WOULD make me a Yankee faggot.
    @Adam: But, they give you a free slinky.
    @shockgrubz: I tried to inspect the Womens Locker Room, but those tightasses wouldn't let me in.

  19. Always make me chuckle. Will have to go back a few posts and read the one that sucked. Always nice to know I'm not the only one who puts up lame posts. It's hard to shine EVERY day.

    1. Yeah, I think I pooched that metric system one. Oh, well.

  20. i've got friends who went to liberty and still live in the lynchburg area, so i go visit periodically. you're certainly right about it being in the middle of bible town! i hope your daughter likes that.

  21. Good luck! Hope your daughter gets some scholarship money!

  22. @Sherilin: Liberty was EVERYwhere. Lynchburg is a very nice little town but it IS in the middle of nowhere. While I like that aspect of it (I like the South in general), I'm not sure she does.
    @Beer: There's probably an app for that.
    @Eva: Lynchburg offered her $10K a year to go but that will only drop her tuition/room & board to $30K. I'm thinking of getting a second job...security guard, Home Depot, male hooker, Walmart greeter, etc.

  23. Thanks Al. For the little weiner and hot dude.
    Get home safely.