Monday, February 13, 2012

911...What's Your Emergency?



Conveyor belt moves, bagel slices toast evenly,
 it remains unknown whether
the smoke detectors work.
NOTE: Placement of bagel slicer.
So that's what that thing
on top of the toaster was for!
       
              +    







=

Hmm, that's one tasty treat!



but.............

No sense slicing, I'm in a hurry,
Fergie's on Good Morning, America.
Besides, what's the worst that could happen?

These things generally
come with an 'ON-OFF' switch.
NOTE: Once again, please note
placement of bagel slicer.
+



                          



=

On the bright side, carbon is good for your teeth.

What??? There's only bran muffins!!??


NOTE:  No animals were harmed during the making of this post. However, the last remaining bagel was burned beyond recognition.  And, by the way, the smoke detectors worked. 



Next time:  The half-naked fat guy.  I promise.



32 comments:

  1. haha oops i better go move my bagel slicer

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  2. That's a lot of carbon Al. My teeth already feel stronger and I want a bagel! Seriously, where's the half naked fat guy? Stop teasing us Al, stop teasing us....

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  3. Oops I thought the bagel was a rear view of the half naked fat guy....where are my reading glasses?

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  4. bagel-tastic. - raincheck on the half naked fat guy though, there was one in the bathroom mirror this morning and it wasnt pleasant.

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  5. This is why I don't eat bagels. Oh, and little allergic to them

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  6. Loved this post haha, bagels are awesome I have to admit Al. Nobody would ever want to miss Fergie on morning television, that's for sure anyway.

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  7. LOL wow those bagels can get quite the reaction, you might want to switch to something with less sugar. I also wondered why my teeth felt so improved today, I guess a gust of wind was sent up my way.

    Seems the half naked fat guy is like the perverbal fat lady that never shows.

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  8. God, what I wouldn't give for a New York bagel. Hot, with butter and coffee. More exciting than watching Fergie on TV!!! haha

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  9. They probably now have your picture up in the Lynchburg post office. Of course, what do those guys in the back hills know about bagels anyway???

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  10. I love bagels, and I am currently out. Thanks, Al.

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  11. Remind me not to join you for breakfast! I value my life!

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  12. That's a bagel slicer? Who knew? And to think I've been using a knife all these years.

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  13. Bagel slicer? BAGEL SLICER? where do you keep it when you bring out the english muffin slicer, which is sitting next to your croissant slicer? I noted the placement of the bagel slicer. Twice.
    Did you set the fire because you didn't slice the bagel because of where it was placed? Or...?!

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  14. @dopdavid: Put it where you can easily see it, though. A lot like where they put the one I didn't use.
    @Anne: He is half-naked and he is fat. I think he had extra cream cheese on his bagel. All 12 of them.
    @Marlia: LOL. I looked at the bagel again. His bum COULD have blackheads on it, I suppose. Ohhhhhhhh, ewwwwwwwwwwww, I just threw up in my mouth.
    @crowbloke: probably similar to the half-naked fat guy I saw in the mirror this morning, too.
    @Nellie: No kidding. A simple piece of frikkin' toast wouldn't set off the smoke detectors!
    @Yeamie: Ahhhhh, a toasted bagel, cup of coffee, and Fergie (not the Duchess of York-is that what she is still?-not THAT Fergie). Sadly, 'twas not to be.
    @Pat: Oh, he'll show. He won't sing. But, he'll show.
    @Barb: Especially if it wasn't a torch.
    @laughingmom: I think they use them for skeet.
    @Bea: I hope you get authentic bagels and not those lumps of "bagel-shaped bread" from Thomas' (who really should stick to English Muffins).
    @Eva: You should what I do with raisin bran.
    @Ruth: Heck, I think it was a little guillotine. For French midgets.
    @anthony: Nope. I am...uh...stupid.

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  15. so did you get breakfast at all that day or did you have to skip it after running away from the fire in order to catch fergie?

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  16. As I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment (and the beginnings of a blister on my finger), the front desk attendant said that I could still have some toasted bread if I wanted. Sheepishly, I said no, grabbed a "Trix R For Kids" yogurt and beat feet back to my room.
    As I look back on it, the fire and billowing smoke was kind of comical.
    At the time? Not so much.

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  17. The smell had to be pretty darn strong. Everybody's breakfast was tasting like carbon, I'm guessing.

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  18. "Guillotine for French midgets" - hahaha. That's really good, Al. It does look like one. Seriously, I never understood the reason for a bagel slicer. Bagels are uneven anyway - fat on one side, skinny on the other. Why not just use a knife? Then again, this post would be a bit less entertaining. A knife for French midgets doesn't quite slice it as well as a guillotine.

    xoRobyn

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  19. I once saw one of those slicers at a bris. I didn't touch the bagels...

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  20. Look on the bright side; you still have your eyebrows.

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  21. Ok, now I understand this post. I had to read the previous one to get the bagel slicer oven thingy.
    Being a "product of the New Jersey school system", no one comes out with a clear understanding of the Civil War. Probably because a lot of southerners are still living it, the teachers refuse to touch on certain details on the grounds that might get them hung.

    I learned a valuable lesson when I visited someone in Lyman, SC one spring: Don't speak unless spoken to. They didn't take to kindly to us northerners. To say we were sneered at would be an understatement.

    You kids want to go away to college to get out of the house! It's the only reason I wanted to go. Though I failed miserably, I got at least 4 months of freedom out of it.

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    1. Is there a bagel song. Seems like there should be.

      I've never had a bagel in my life. Am I missing something?

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  22. @shockgrubz: The place stunk like death. Well, death of a bagel. Which is still death. But, the bagel was never alive. Wow, how zen of me.
    @Robyn: Fat on one side, skinny on the other..... sounds like the first Mrs. Penwasser.
    @Beer: But, the moil cleaned up on tips.
    @AC: But, the nose hairs were gone. And back to shockgrubz's comment: yeah, burnt nose hairs. Now THERE'S a smell.
    @ryoko: They call it "The War of Northern Aggression" down there. Whenever I visit the "kinfolk" in Virginia, I always think it best to leave it alone.
    @Manzanita: I'm going to ponder lyrics to a bagel song. No bagels? Is that a Montana thing? Well, if living in "Big Sky" country (is that what they call it?) means no bagels, I'd be good with that.

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  23. Haaaaaaaaaaaa, this is too funny! And how is this for a coincidence? I am munching on a toasted (UNBURNT) bagel, as I type..

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  24. I hate it when my bagel catches fire. Most inconvenient. Never thought to post it, though. Genius!!

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  25. @Shrinky: So, you're not getting the health benefits of a carbon? Of course, it probably tastes good.
    @Dawn: After it happened (not during-I was busy), I thought that it would make a funny post. I'm always on the lookout for a funny story, even when it points out something stupid I did. Like when I slammed my foot in the truck door this morning. Yeah, my foot.

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  26. I hate when there is only one bagel left and I burn it!

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  27. I know I read this before, but somehow my very important comment disappeared. Maybe you should go to Dunkin Donuts and have a bagel with your donut. Then you can donut your toaster and bagel slicer to science. Julie

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    1. I wasn't let anywhere near any toasters this weekend. Wonder why.......

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