After enjoying the final week of the year that was (notice how clever I am for injecting the title of this post into this sentence? Yep, didn't waste any money on those creative writing correspondence courses) I thought I'd reflect back on the year that was (BONUS: I did it again) before we segue (I knew that thesaurus would come in handy) into 2012, the last year of the world.
Sidebar, Your Honor? By the way, I'm going to say "Twenty Twelve" and not "Two Thousand and Twelve." Frankly, it's time to give the use of "Two Thousand and" when prefacing the year a rest. From now on, it will be "Twenty XX" until the day I die. Unless I make it to the 22nd Century. In that case, I'll say "Twenty One XX." But, there's probably not much of a chance of that. Unless I get bitten by a vampire.
Sidebar Within a Sidebar, Your Honor? Not for nothin', if I'm going to be bitten by a vampire, I'd prefer to be bitten in my 20s instead of now. I'd hate to go through eternity as a balding, middle-aged man who needs Pepsi to burp. Could be worse, though. I could be bitten before I had pubes.
Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah, the year that was (BONUS BONUS: I did it yet again). As anyone with a television, radio, newspaper, or loudmouth neighbor knows, 2011 was quite a year. A lot of good happened and a lot of very bad happened.
No doubt, you'll be pummeled with the lists of the good and the bad for the year that was (if you haven't noticed so far, you never will). I prefer to give you a list of the ugly.
Or, the goofy.....
|"Aren't you glad there's no football on?"|
|"Have you even seen the new show? |
It really sucks balls."
February-After Charlie Sheen loses his mind, CBS cancels the four remaining episodes of Two and a Half Men. Asks Demi Moore if Ashton can come out to play.
|"Coulda had Scarlett Johansson, |
but, nooooooo, hadda have Jodie Foster."
March-Mel Gibson stars with Jodie Foster in The Beaver. After initial box-office rush from people who thought it was a porno film, attendance falls flat.
|"Pssst, Dad. Sure, she's no Diana. |
But, she ain't no Camilla, either.
If you know what I mean."
|"Oh, crap! I blew off this |
month's mortgage payment!"
|One man's shameful embarrassment |
is another man's comedy GOLD
June-Anthony Weiner resigns from Congress. Forced to take the “Little Congressman” with him.
|"If she asks real, real nice, |
she can borrow the dress."
|"Hey, it's more than what Chaz has. |
I'm just sayin'"
September-Nancy Grace suffers alleged wardrobe malfunction while performing on Dancing With the Stars. Her “nip slip” causes many male viewers to embrace homosexuality.
|Kim also didn't|
appreciate being shoved
in Kris' armpit
|Featured in this month's Playboy. |
Her mouth may be closed. I think.
|Qaddafi, Osama, Dear Leader. |
Kind of a Scumbag Trifecta.