Sunday, January 22, 2012

Shag Carpet Toilet-The Book. Well, E-Book, Anyway.

   
    I finally got around and did it (well, not that 'it.'  Mrs. Penwasser has yet to fall asleep).


    Inspired by Eva from Wrestling With Retirement, I decided to dust off my opus from a couple years ago, Shag Carpet Toilet, and submit it to the good folks at Kindle for publication.


    A work of fiction, it's a tale of what it was like to be a 14 year old boy in the summer of 1972 between Catholic School graduation and freshman year at a public high school.  Even though it will resonate with people who knew me way back when, it's not a memoir.  For instance, my little brother never rode a pig in the circus.  Although my sister did fall into a pile of elephant dung.


    If any of you care to have a look at it (by 'it', I mean the book), you'll probably recognize some bits and pieces.  Over the course of the past year, I've excerpted a few chapters and posted them here as part of the "Once Upon a Time" series (golly, can I sound any more pretentious?).  These were the bits which were the most true and based on real-life events.


    Basically, what I did on Blogger was the opposite of what I did when writing Shag Carpet Toilet:  I took something fictional and rewrote it to what actually happened.  Of note, I included my real name (by real, I mean 'Al' which, as you know, isn't my real, real name.  Jeezy Pete, I feel like frikkin' Sybil-or a geriatric Batman-with all my alter egos).


    Sadly, my father really did wrap our toilet in shag carpet, though.  Oh, yeah, that part is real.  Shag carpet.  Around a toilet.  In a house with four boys and a man.  Ladies:  you know what I mean.


    So, if any of you are interested, it's an E-Kindle Book now.  Apparently, sales of Kindle took off this Christmas (if I'm wrong, don't disabuse me of this fiction) so I may get a little traction with this publishing phenomenon.  At least until the Mayans are proved right and the world really does end in December.  At which point, all those Kindles will become little more than Kindling.


    At $4.99, it's probably over-priced crap, but then again, so was Obama's biography.


    Thanks, Eva!!


  Now, if you'll excuse me, Mrs. Penwasser is looking a little sleepy.

37 comments:

  1. If I had a Kindle I would so buy this man, I want to know why the heck anybody would wrap a toilet in shag carpet, I'm at a serious loss as to why anybody would do that. Your brother didn't really ride a pig in the circus either? Damn! Seriously though, this sounds good buddy, I want this book.

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    1. Luckily (or not so lucky), that was one of the chapters I included on Blogger (because it was nearly 100% true). My brothers, sister, and I still cannot believe the old man did that. I'll do a little research and give you the link if you wish. No, he didn't really ride a pig. Although he did disappear when the monkey cages were wheeled into the Big Top.

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    2. Matthew, you don't need a Kindle to read it. Amazon has a free Kindle app to download on your computer. I use it all the time to buy books.

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  2. I'm going to buy this now! Can't wait! :)

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    1. Besides still giggling at the sleepy thing :o) WOW, I would love to read it, if I get a kindle it's definately first on my list!

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    2. Sadly, Mrs. Penwasser had more stamina than I. While she read a book, I fell asleep while watching the end of "Saving Private Ryan." The end result: "Saving Private Ryan" ended up watching ME.

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    3. I hope you like it. Luckily, my childhood is the stuff books are made of.

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  3. oh ewww! I know it wasn't the point of the post but I am stuck on the idea of shag carpet around a toilet that housed that many young boys. Ick ick ick!

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    1. As icky as you imagine it, it WAS that icky.

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  4. Your sister really fell into a pile of elephant dung? ewwwww scared for life moment right there...hahaha One of these days I'll have to get a kindle, after those damn mayans are proved wrong and it doesn't become kindling. So when the world isn't blown to bits re-kindle my mind to it..haha

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    1. She really did-no kidding. The good news about not having a Kindle is that you've already read some of the book's chapters (not all) here.

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    1. I hope so. There was no option to select "beaver pelts" so I had to settle for dollars.

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    1. I wished I had enough presence of mind to have taken a picture of the actual toilet with actual shag carpet on it. The above picture does not do reality justice.
      But, hey, I was 14 and cellphone cameras hadn't been invented yet (or even cellphones for that matter).

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  7. Al, I don't see a link to Amazon. This sounds like a fun read. I'll go to Amazon and search for the book. It should be easy to find, because I'm betting that title will stand out.

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    1. If you go on Amazon Kindle, you can search for "Shag Carpet Toilet." Although, it may not be available for a wee bit because I lowered the price. It most certainly isn't about money-I just put the first price which popped into my head.

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    2. As I reply to my reply.....if you'd like a link to the book, visit Eva at Wrestling With Retirement (she's listed below). Her site has a couple of ways to get to the book-she has more links than a package of sausage. Not only is she the coolest, but her site is fantastic (if you haven't visited yet).

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  8. Congratulations on your book Al or should I just call you Mr. Doe? Love the title and the photo! My mom's house is available with her original rust shag carpeting from 1967, and if you're willing to rake it, we can hold a virtual book signing there.

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  9. Congrats to you Al. Before I even read your input on the shag carpet with a father and 4 boys I was gagging. Ewwww. Gross! But hey, it was the 70's. Parents did some weirdo stuff back then didn't they?

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  10. However did your mom vacuum the toilet? And what about deep cleaning when it got soiled?
    Awesome on the e-book!

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  11. Oh my goodness. You are amazing. I knew you were working on a book, but I had no idea that meant you were about to publish! I am SO IMPRESSED and happy for you! CONGRATULATIONS! This is a huge accomplishment.

    PS Any chance it will be available in hard/soft cover form? I'm too tech-ignorant and generally cheap to own a kindle.

    xoRobyn

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  12. Al, If you check out my blog tomorrow, I gave your book a shout out!

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  13. Sybil, Congrats! Makes me think @ matching plaid photos @ Sears photo studio in the 70's... I want to see your book in paper print! I bet it would make a great read next to my toilet- bound with a shag-carpet cover! $14.95
    GO!
    Vi

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  14. That's an eye-catching title and cover - I just hope people don't think it's a book about interior decorating. Or shitting and pissing. Good luck with it.

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  15. Well Al...let me fire up my Kindle and put a few logs on...I've got me some reading to do, eh!

    Say Hi to that sleepy gal of yours...I guess she's not in this volume...too bad!

    Cheers, Jenny @ PEARSON REPORT

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  16. "At $4.99, it's probably over-priced crap, but then again, so was Obama's biography."

    Well, that sold me. Can I borrow, I mean steal, I mean borrow this line? This is gold.

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  17. @Beer: I just made a change so it's now a little cheaper. Piece of crap. Go right ahead and purloin that line.
    @Jenny: She won't "make the cut" for several more years (for this, she's grateful).
    @Gorilla: Or all three. Thanks!
    @Violet: That's a really good idea. Now, if I could get a publisher to put it onto paper.....
    @Eva: I checked it out (I'll be commenting right after I finish here). You're the coolest!!
    @Robyn: I'd like to get it onto hard/soft cover form. But, I guess publishers like to know whether they'd make money on something before they commit a project to paper. Sheesh!
    @Ruth: Ohhhhh, it was truly, truly gross.
    @Barb: To say nothing of how we dressed. And don't get me started on disco, the "Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour," and leisure suits.
    @EmptyNest: How lucky is she? Because nothing says 'class' quite like shag.

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  18. Congratulations, Al! That's wonderful news!! I don't own a Kindle, but I do have have one of those discontinued HP TouchPads and it did come with the Kindle app. I haven't used it yet and I'll have to set up an Amazon account, but when I do, I will buy it. I'm a slow saver though. Took me 6 weeks just to save $175 so I could book that writer's conference. And now airfare. Oh well, I'll just have to re-prioritize!

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  19. You just published a digital book and there is no link on your own blog?
    I'm laughing with you of course.
    Well done. Congrats!

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  20. That's great. Good for you for having the drive to not only write and FINISH a book but to put it out there. If only I had an e-reader...Still, well done, sir...or ma'am depending on which personality is reading this at the moment.

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  21. Good luck with the book! That's exciting!
    I have a friend who just self published an ebook(I'm hocking it on my blog). Promote the hell out of it! Link it, link it, link it. Anywhere. Everywhere. The market is flooded with ebooks right now. You have to stand out!

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  22. My mom refrained from the whole shag toilet thing - she kept it to the back and lid cover only.

    Good luck with the book! I don't own a kindle/Kobo/Nook etc. So, would I be able to read it on my pc?

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  23. @Nancy: No worries-book's not going anywhere. The allure of shag, after all, is priceless.
    @BragonDorn: Thanks! Much of the credit goes to my dad. Without his inspiration, none of this would have been possible. And the carpet around the bowl wouldn't have smelled like urine.
    @AC: Yeah, that did occur to me. I'm such a dope. So, go ahead, laugh AT me.
    @Pickleope: Hmm, I guess I COULD be a ma'am. An "ugly as a mud fence" kind of ma'am. But...a ma'am nonetheless. Or Helen Thomas.
    @ryoko: Thanks for the advice. I will take it. For instance, I'm going to try to figure how how to put a link to the book in my next post.
    @Kara: Your mom was wise. The old man used glue, GLUE to affix said carpet around bowl. I guess because those tacks wouldn't stick through porcelain all that well. I think you can read a sample couple of chapters online, if that helps.

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  24. Hey, nice site you have here! Keep up the excellent work!



    Shag Carpet

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    1. Thanks very much! It's a walk on the insane side, I know! :-)

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