Saturday, January 14, 2012

I'm Sorry, Kirstie-A Penwasser Retraction.

    In my recent post about the Mayan end of the world (I'm still preparing for it-I sent my mortgage company a big "FU" email), I included a list of predictions which the Mayans got wrong.  One of these predictions, "Kirstie Alley stays hot," was inaccurate.
    Eva from Wrestling With Retirement and Pat from A View From the Edge reminded me that Ms. Alley has recently dropped a WHOLE bunch of weight.  She is decidedly hot.


    My first view exposure to Kirstie (God, that sounds dirty) centered upon her role as Lt. Saavik in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, one of my absolute favorites in the Star Trek series (right behind Star Trek XII: The Search For a Nice Clean Restroom....c'mon, did anyone really think a guy who writes the kind of stuff I do didn't have a favorite Star Trek movie?  Seriously?)
  NOTE:  This is probably the record for "Most Use of Italics" in one sentence.
Yeah, that's what I'm talking 'bout. 
Launching photon torpedo.
    This was further reinforced by her role as Rebecca Howe (I think that was her last name.  Wayyyyyy too lazy to Google it) in Cheers.  In that classic NBC sitcom, she was much easier on the eyes than Cliff, Norm, Fraser, and Carla (the same Carla who married Danny DeVito. Oh, yeah, 'nuff said).
No pointy ears or arched eyebrows.
Still...Cheers, Kirstie
       But, from a career (see: Look Who's Talking) and personal standpoint, she started to slip a little in the early 90's.  Who knows why?  Her self-loathing became humorous fodder on late-night talk shows (and a 21st Century Non-Blog of Note).
    On the upside, she wasn't hit on by Bill Clinton.
Things got so bad, her hair went gray
and she tried to slash her left breast off
  From a starring role in Fat Actress to spokeswoman for Jenny Craig (or Weight Watchers.  Remember....Google lazy), Kirstie became the target of cruel jokes.  


    Well, no more.  As seen on Dancing With the Stars, Kirstie has lost a buttload (and not just in the butt)  of weight.  She recently appeared  on the Ellen show to show off her new bad self and claim she would like an "ugly" man (Hey, Kirstie, if you're not pissed at me, give me a shout).
She may be in her 60s, but Great Googli-Moogli!
    Bottom line, she looks fantastic.  I'm thinking the Mayans have gotten their prediction right (I still don't believe Shemp will become more popular than Curly, though).  So, thank you, Eva and Pat.  Kirstie (yeah, as if you read this crap!): please accept my heartfelt apology.  You are most definitely hot.

A GENUINE PENWASSER SERIOUS MOMENT:  As I thought about what I had written, I realized that it was very cruel of me to poke fun at her.  A person's "hotness" does not hinge on how much weight that person carries or, indeed, their physical appearance.  Personal jabs for the sake of a dopey joke are just that.  Dopey.  I will do my utmost to refrain from attacks of this nature in the future.  They're just wrong.
Programming Note:  Anthony Weiner is still fair game.

32 comments:

  1. Wow, Kirstie still doesn't half look bad, there's thirty year olds around my neck of the woods who are in a way worse condition than she is, wowza! It's nice of you to make sure we all know you're not really shallow too Al but we already knew that so I wouldn't worry buddy!

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  2. Oh and by the way Al, I seriously do suck at relaying things but Anne posted under my last post saying I was to tell you that she's been unable to comment on your posts since the new reply button was implemented. But yeah, Anne wanted to say that your post is a great one and "the Mayans predicted that Shem would become a zombie and be elected the next American President, making him less popular than Curly."

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  3. LOL it is funny but in a dopey way, sometimes people can't help it other times they can. But she was rather fugly when she had that weight on. Did you see that one from Undercover Blues, not that I ever found her truly attractive to begin with, Kathleen Turner I think her name is. Now there is someone who has gotten SCARY. But I'll refrain just like you sorta, maybe, almost did.

    Oh and FYI in order to comment since that STUPID upgrade I have to switch browsers from IE to firefox, that seems to help.

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  4. Yeah, she's definitely had some ups and downs, and made sure to capitalize on both. I still love her, though. I wish I could quit you, Kirstie!

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  5. OMG the picture of "Khan-Kristie" Cracked me... well, I laughed... umm, it got a smile out of me. Hard to tell how bad she was big, as I refuse to believe 99% of pictures from National Inquirer et al.
    Much better than most half-fed stars.

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  6. Is she seriously in her sixties?!? Hot damn! If I look half as good as she does at that age I'll be extremely pleased, even if I am carrying an extra muffin or two on my rear end. I thought your post was HI-Larious and didn't think you were being a dopey or offensive jerk. Let's face it, most people do judge others "hotness," or lack thereof, in terms of outward appearance. How many people do you know who would look at a chubby, graying woman with a heart of gold who was in her sixties and say she's hot because of her personality? Not gonna happen. I've never seen that Cheers era photo you posted before. I think she actually looks better now. Some woman just seem to age like fine wine. I'll probably age more like a mushroom. :/

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  7. As a voluptuous woman myself I give you leave to make fun. Why? Because, as one of the rare breed who can raise one eyebrow at a time Vulcan style, I am armed and ready to give you the 'eye' as we call it (or stink eye as I have heard americans call it).

    p.s. did anyone notice that they did not pluck out Kirstie's eyebrows in that movie for the trademark Vulcan look. But then she had such fabulous Liz Taylor brows why would you mess with them.

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  8. Sadly, I'm aging like a rancid tomato--wrinkled, squishy and leaking!
    Glad you apologized to Kirstie!

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  9. I just remembered her from look whos talking. I didn't know people thought she was "hot"

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  10. so are you saying that jennycraig/wieghtwatchers works?

    are you implying that you have sold out to corporate sponsorship?

    dayyyy-yam....

    or am i off base and reading way too much into this?

    great post as usual... and i really liked the search for a nice clean bathroom movie as well...

    peace!

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  11. You are a big man for posting this apology, Al. And your wife is a lucky woman for it. Wink.
    xoRobyn

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  12. You forgot her role in 1984's Runaway with Tom Selleck as a cop and Gene Simmons as a madman infecting the world with means little robot bug things.

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  13. @Yeamie: At first I was appalled that I thought a 60 year old would look good. Then, I realized that I'm pretty close to my age. Oh, hell, who am I kidding? She'd look good to me if I was 20.

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  14. @Yeamie Part II: I'm also having problems commenting. I hope you get this.
    @Ruth: GENE Simmons? I thought that was Richard Simmons so I gave it a pass.
    @Robyn: Thanks! But, Mrs. Penwasser reminds me I'm not a big man. That's why I keep the light off. And wait until she's asleep.

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  15. @Marlia: Funny....in the Penwasser family, we call the ability to raise one eyebrow independent of the other, "The Brow." Only full-blooded Penwassers can do it. My son and Mrs. Penwasser can't raise one eyebrow at all (instead they end up raising both in a "surprised" look). My daughter can raise only one (she's HALF Penwasser). Speaking of Kirstie's lack of trademark "Romulan" eyebrows (I don't think Saavik was half-Vulcan, was she? Oh my God, that I even know that!!)...I was wondering, when I wrote the post, whether anyone would call me on that. Congratulations! :-)
    @Bruce: Oh my....have I become a corporate shill? And who DOESN'T appreciate a clean restroom?
    @Gia: Well, it WAS in the 1980s. Did you see how we dressed???
    @Eva: That's okay. Don't people like to squeeze tomatoes?
    @Jenn: Yeah, but think how many people like mushrooms. And muffins.
    @CW: Khan had that effect on people. Until we lost all respect for him after he was on Fantasy Island with that dead midget.
    @Bea: Would that so many people were talking about ME!
    @Pat: I've just experienced trouble commenting, too. Maybe it has to do with IE, as well? Or the Kirstie Alley Anti-Defamation League? Geez, I SAID I was sorry!

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  16. To all: I've had trouble commenting. Not for lack of having something to say (well, there IS that). It's just that everything freezes on me. So, I went from IE to Chrome and it seems to work. Now if I could only think of something witty to say....

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  17. Just FYI to all your readers - Mozilla Firefox has had no trouble adjusting to anything Blogger can throw at it by way of enhancements. At least that is the case for me.

    Now the Saavik debate - romulan/vulcan hybrid with the brow lifting recessive gene!! Hah! I likee much.

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  18. Last night I had trouble commenting when I was using Internet Explorer on my PC laptop. This morning...no problem commenting using Internet Explorer on my Mac.
    Saavik: I think she was Romulan/Vulcan. Or was she Romulan/Human? And wasn't there an Enterprise crew-woman who was half Klingon (I think on 'Voyager')?
    Oh...my. I hope I'm not as nerdy as I sound.
    More to the point, I preferred Kirstie Alley playing her much more than Robin Curtis (in Star Trek III).
    Kirstie Alley: The Blog Subject Who Refuses to Go Away

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  19. Kirstie just called and said that she'll forgive you if you convInce Oprah and Nate to remodel another room in her house for no charge. Julie

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    1. Oh god I actually saw that episode with the apple green kitchen.....

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  20. You know, I admire her for having the balls to embrace her fatness, when she was fat, and do the "Fat Actress" series and whatnot.
    She looks great. Good for her. And good for you for apologizing (and that is a record for uses of the word "for" in a sentence. ;) )

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    1. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I WAS being needlessly cruel because she had the good humor and grace to deal with her issues.

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  21. My favorite Star Trek movie as well. Tell me this doesn't mean you're going to stop putting funny captions up with Nixon. Tricky Dick may be dead, but he's still good for a laugh.

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    1. Oh, nooooooooooooooo. Nixon IS always good for a laugh. And not just because of the 'Dick' thing (although it doesn't hurt).

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  22. Blimey, she looks GREAT! Y'know, I was fat for years, after the kids. Them, when I finally shed over three stones, I didn't know whether I liked or resented how much nicer people were to me in general. I really AM still me, fat OR thin - sad how shape does make such a difference as to how we're valued (shrug).

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    1. Exactly my point after I pondered things.

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  23. @EmptyNest: I would be honored. As long as it had a juice bar.

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  24. I don't think you're giving Carla enough credit as a hottie.

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    1. Actually, that's probably true. After all, they were all drinking.

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  25. Kirstie still looks great given her age. Just watched her on the Ellen show then!

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  26. This calls for a junior high school joke.......
    I wouldn't kick her outta bed for eating crackers.
    *looking at groin*
    Right, Crackers?

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  27. Apology accepted. I'm not pissed at you - just been under the weather. Carry on!

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