I know what you're thinking, "Hey, Al. The end of the year isn't for ten more days. You've got plenty of time." While that's true, I'm actually talking about the advent of Christmas (Theological Note: Catch how I used the word "advent" in a sentence? Yeah, I'm clever that way). Because, after Christmas, we're on a greasy banana peel the rest of the way until the end of the world.
|I shouldn't make fun of it. |
There's probably a party in it for me.
But, what's with the seven-candle menorah?
In fact, the only people who should go to work are the Atheists. Because, if they're not willing to kneel until their knees go numb during Easter vigil, apologize for everything under the sun during Yom Kippur, and bitch that they're hungry during Ramadan, they shouldn't get to enjoy the perks of religion (except for that Ramadan thing, which is in August. I just wanted to include Islam because it made for a better joke).
My point is that I'm looking at a rapidly closing window in which to get things done. One of those things is writing on Blogger. I've got five days until Christmas Day and five more posts to write (because like everyone else-even probably those bandwagon Atheists-I'm taking next week off). This means you'll have Penwasser Place for five straight days!
Good News: they're pretty much all written (love that delayed posting!). Bad News (for you): They're pretty much all written.
Anyway, I also need to finish Christmas shopping (NOTE: I'm glad I'm not Jewish. Because, then I would have had to start handing out gifts last night. In which case, I'd be screwed).
I'm not even close to being finished. The only thing I did purchase was that "French Tickler Party Pak" for Mrs. Penwasser. But, after she saw the receipt, she made me take it back.
I've been to many stores and even went to the mall (aka 'Guy Hell'). One of the stores I went to was Macy's, that fancy department store which sells clothes for rich people, perfumes that vaporize your nose hair, and coffee makers which can do everything from brew any number of Central American blends to finish your taxes.
They also apparently sell a lot of stuff from China.
|"Don't worry. Even though it's in color, the 1994 remake sucks. |
'Course, we're both dead, so what do we know?
Oh, by the way, did you hear we're having a sale on mens' slacks?"
I was shocked that the majority of them were not made in the US (thankfully, the Yankee Candle Christmas Village was made in Vermont which, Ben and Jerry's notwithstanding, is still American).
You would think that, at the very least, a Christmas tree would be made in Bavaria. After all, the song is "O, Christmas Tree (Tannenbaum)." not "O, Bamboo Plant."
"Fortune Cookies For Santa" would have been more honest.
The part they left out after "Believe" was...."that this was made someplace in New England or at least the Midwest."
Kinda hard to see because there was a little old lady next to me. I didn't want her to think I was some sort of perv who enjoyed taking pictures of little wooden men.
Who were made in China.
Mikasa. Sounds Japanese to me. But, what do I know? At least this was a little honest. After all, it's "We Three Kings of Orient Are."
Incidentally, I don't think the camel was made to scale.
While this was made in China, too, it made me laugh. Because, if you pulled between my legs, my arms would fly up, to.
I didn't have a lot of time to take this picture, either. I think that little old lady was calling store security.
I know this isn't a Christmas item, but they had to make a fresh pot of coffee. Still, it's made in China. Even though right next to the chicken it says 'Espana.' Which means 'Spain.'
Finally, where do you think this china is made? You guessed it. Germany.
As I sampled my free cup of coffee, I started to feel a little guilty. After all, Christmas isn't supposed to be a Western holiday only. People from all over the world should be able to enjoy the magic of the season. And, if they want to make a few bucks while they're doing it, they probably should be allowed to do that, too.
At least that's what I told the mall cops when they led me away.
Damn old lady was probably an Atheist.
Addendum: As far as what the title of this post means: "Welcome to Macy's" in Chinese. May as well be prepared.