|Starts before Christmas. Ends after Christmas. |
Up yours, Santa.
Much like Easter, the exact timing of Hanukkah is probably a mystery to a lot of people. Also like Easter, it has to do with Jewish folks (yes, Jesus was a Jew. He wasn't born in a Catholic manger, cranky fundamentalists notwithstanding). This, of course, means that the average Joe (or Sol) must consult with his rabbi, ancient Talmudic guidance, a Magic 8 ball, the entrails of an owl, and the calendar he got from his heating oil supplier last January to figure out when exactly he's supposed to dust off the family menorah (and Aunt Sadie).
|"Could be worse. |
Could be Lindsay."
Growing up Catholic as I did, I don't know an awful lot about Hanukkah (I know a helluva lot about rulers on the knuckles, though). What I do know I picked up on street corners (I think I hung out on the wrong street corners).
But, I'll give it a shot...
|I'll bet this isn't historically accurate|
|I have a strong suspicion |
these dudes are Christians.
I don't give a flying crap what Google says.
|"What's that? Stubbed your toe in the dark? |
Yeah, cry me a river and
give me a shout in the 19th century."
But, the Lord (all sources are pretty clear on this) provided enough oil for eight days of light (for those of you who didn't pay attention, this is where we get Festival of Lights and Eight Crazy Nights). Not for nothin', he should have provided enough lunchmeat and bread for the revoltees to make a sandwich. And machine guns. We never really covered that in Sister Caligula's World History class, though.
So, the Greeks, figuring they were beaten, decided to relent (Interesting Vocab Tidbit: "Relent" could also mean a "Lent" do-over). This being the case, the Judeans won their freedom.
And even had enough light to see the invading Roman legions.
But, that's another story.
DISCLAIMER: The preceding is what I can remember of the Hanukkah story. I really could have consulted a reputable source like the online Encyclopedia Britannica or Wikipedia (because they're never wrong) to make sure I got all my facts correct. In that case, you'd think I was a genius. In this case, you may think I'm an idiot. Heyyy..........
For what I got completely wrong, I apologize. I meant no disrespect. OK, maybe a little disrespect. But, you know me. I even know a few Pope jokes.
In any event, for my Jewish friends (or even those who like getting presents for eight straight nights), have a blessed and
|I checked. You can spell 'dreidel' this way. |
This is what they played before Call of Duty.
P.S. Just make sure to keep enough oil in your furnace. Let's give God a break. He's had a rough couple of millenia.