Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Dear Family and Friends of the Penwasser Family

27 comments:

  1. Do we get the body of the letter tomorrow?

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  2. Lost in thought, are we?

    Guess there's really not much to say, eh!

    Jenny @ PEARSON REPORT

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  3. Isn't there even going to be a "sincerely, Al?" Haha, I love this!

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  4. Does this mean that it's an open letter? We can make up whatever we want to read?

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  5. There's no way you could NOT have nothing to say!

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  6. Minimal work, maximum results. You're a genius Al. A feckin' genius. And I mean that, really I do. I'm not just blowin' smoke up your skirt.

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  7. I hope your family don't actually read this.

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  8. it's been a long year of changes around the penwasser household. kids growing up & moving on. challenges on the career front. now i get to fulfill my lifelong goal of being a walmart greeter to fill my lonely hours of semi/emptynesting.
    the mrs. tries to ignore me most of the time and often sends me off on errands like picking up the pickles at the dry cleaners or buying daddy butter from my rival store of target. i suspect that she's just trying to keep me out of her hair, but i guess i shouldn't be surprised since i try to maul her in the dark on a weekly basis & now my sack hangs down to my feet. it's not pretty, i know, and little al tends to leave his mark around the base of the toilet and wall every morning because i've forgotten how to aim.
    i hope you're all having a great 2011, but you should know that i like my friends in bloggyland more than i like you folks. probably because you don't understand my need to sit on the toilet out by the mail box and the blog friendishes seems to love me for it (side note: they would probably love it less if i was their neighbor.).
    i'm off to go rub pee cream onto my cracked old man feet.
    merry christmas.
    sincerely,
    al penwasser

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  9. Sherilin has Penwasser down to a T!

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  10. Awesome! Best Christmas letter ever!

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  11. Very deep and makes a lot of sense to me! I couldn't agree more!

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  12. OMG!!!!!!
    Sorry, all. I meant to schedule this for a couple days from now. I started typing (obviously didn't get far) and then jumped in the car to drive to my nephew's enlistment in the Navy. I am such a dope. Don't worry-I'll finish this by the weekend.
    sincerely,
    A. Dope

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  13. This letter is in regard to "statue" of questionable taste in your front yard. I agree that the toilet itself is an indispensable invention, however, it violates Bylaw 6413-99. But you already know this because we have sent 23 letters in the last 18 months. Please remove it from your lawn immediately because we're at the point now where one of us is going to shit in it.
    Have a nice day.
    Your local city council.

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  14. Al - this possibly is your finest hour...you could even go down with your ship with your dignity intact!

    dbs - you cracked me up! As did just about everyone else!

    Love, love, love the creativity that was sparked with your sheer brilliance Al! (Do say you planned this - even though you've indicated by that comment up there that, like, yeah, it's sort of a wee bit of a scheduling problem [cough, cough].
    You're just being modest - and I, of all bloggers, get the whole modesty thing, it's such a vital component to this whole blog thingy - right?! (not really a question, Al!)

    Trying to add a "body" to this, after the fact, well, that would be like adding bigger boobs to Pamela Anderson (we Canadians are proud those boobies are ours) and have them look real!

    You're just going to have to phone your family and friends! Tough break - but hey, I didn't write the rules...(okay, I did, but let's keep that between you and me).

    Jenny @ PEARSON REPORT

    Oh, Al...just so you don't think I don't know that I've already been here - this is my second visit...couldn't resist - way too much of a good time going on here at Penwasser's Place!

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  16. Al

    I love it that you post nothing, no photo or content and still get more comments than I ever do - Or is it like sound and you have typed your content at such a high frequency that only dogs and very odd people can read it. Not having a spare dog* to check I have been unable to confirm this theory....


    ** my none existent ones are currently strapped to typewriters (I couldn’t afford the nonexistent monkeys )trying to poop out the entire works of J.K.Rowling. I’m figuring that shit must be easy to do...

    You have made it to Blogger Nirvana my friend.

    Even better SherilinR tried to cover for you, just as well I recognised her typing otherwise you might just have got away with it....

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  17. blacklog, i was trying to help him out since he was clearly at a loss for words & that never happens so something was certainly wrong. or maybe that pee cream has worked its way into his brain & now he's malfunctioning.

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  18. @Al Penwasser Read your comment on it all being a mistake! You're so tallented your mistake brought joy and laughs to all! Thats true tallent!

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  19. @Ruth: That has to be one of the funniest comments to my "non-post."
    @Leslie: "I plan on working on the body today."-V. Frankenstein, MD
    @Jenny: Thanks for the suggestion! It's probably too late to fake like I did this on purpose, huh? Everybody's been great. You really all should meet. Bigger boobs on Pam? Hmmm........
    @Yeamie: I was going to close it with "Best fishes, Al." I still might.
    @Sub-Radar: I think that's what Sherilin did. :-)
    @Bouncin' Barb: After talking smack about Iran in my last post, they broke into my house and held me captive. Luckily, I was able to escape the clutches of the mullahs when I threw a bar of soap and a nudie mag at them.
    @Anne: I'm all for that minimal work part. After all, I used to work for the government.
    @Mark: I was planning on inviting my family to read it. When I finally get around to actually writing it.
    @Sherilin: Ah, Sherilin! The best friend who (or is that 'whom'?) I've never met: thank you. That was a great comment. By the way, that pee cream HAS worked its way to my brain. On the bright side, my head isn't chapped and cracking anymore.
    @Eva: She's been suffering around here the longest!
    @Pat: Yup, I'm a blank page.
    @dbs: IS going to shit in it? What do you think I was doing?
    @AC: Thank you, thank you. Whoa, wait a minute. I didn't write anything. Hey..........
    @BL: I tried it out on my dog. But, he just stared at the screen. Then he lifted his leg and peed on me. Not sure what that means (besides having a wet pant leg, that is).
    @Bersecules: Imagine what a picture of me will do.

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  20. i'm very pleased to hear that your head isn't chapped and cracking anymore. it wasn't a good look for you.

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  21. Best. Christmas letter. Ever.

    Why? You didn't bore me with endless details until I wanted to slit my wrists.

    You win, good sir. You win.

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  22. @Sherilin: Plus, all that oozing ruined my hats. Ooh, that grosses even me out.
    @Lost: Endless details? I'd planned a parody of just those very things. Hee hee hee.

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  23. Nice try! We all know this wasn't a mistake. This was just your way of prompting us to stimulating dialogue by creating an air of mystery over what we thought you intended to say next. Very devious, sir. Very shrewd indeed.

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  24. These things tend to happen when I'm off my meds.

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  25. I was just happy to be part of the family... wouldn't have read any further anyways! ADHD.

    Yours Sincerely...teehee

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