Monday, November 7, 2011

Priorities, Priorities

  Cop Rock, William Shatner's singing career, the French Army in World War II, Chaz Bono in Dancing With the Stars, Congressman Anthony Weiner, the Hindenburg, Hugh Hefner's Playboy For Kids-and Their Dads, too.  But, Mostly Their Dads, pie at Michael Moore's house, New Coke, Snooki's book-signing tour, Charlie Sheen's comeback tour, the Donny and Marie Comedy Hour, Lindsay's sobriety, "Winnnning!!" tee shirts, the OJ Simpson trial, employees of George Steinbrenner, Whip Inflation Now buttons, Caddyshack II, The Tonight Show Starring Conan O'Brien, Madonna's acting career, chimpanzees as pets, Paris Hilton's virginity, Joey Buttafuoco prison sentence, Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer, Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton marriages (both), Britney's rock-hard abs, an Arkansas trailer park during tornado season, diaper changing at Octo-Mom's house, the Iraqi Air Force, the Energizer Bunny, Mel Gibson's Wholly Moses! one-man show, purple ketchup, Governor Jesse Ventura, the Munich Agreement, the Ford presidency, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's Mensa membership, Joe Biden without his foot in his mouth, Friendster Social Network (you may need to look this up. I had to), the Macarena, the Dancing Baby, my first marriage, Disco Duck, "Good Evening, this is Katie Couric and this is the news," Tonya Harding-Boxer, Billy Carter relevancy, Eliot Spitzer's show on CNN, Sea Monkeys, Gary Coleman's run for Governor, and Penwasser Place.

  All have lasted longer than the Kardashian marriage.
Kim Kardashian had her heart set on marrying an NBA star.
Her first choice, Dennis Rodman, backed out following an argument over who would wear the wedding gown.

  And yet, the media can't help peeing all over themselves reporting this non-news.

  Meanwhile, in Afghanistan.......

Veterans Day is Friday


  1. The whole Kardashian marriage thing annoys me so much, I knew it wouldn't last from the get go. Especially when you remind us all that while this travesty is taking up the headlines, the brave soldiers are being put on the back burner, it's kind of sickening the way our media works...

  2. Dumb mindless drones have to talk about celebrities, stupid. Caddyshack 2 lasted longer? Geez that's a feat. Oh and you can never beat that damn bunny, it just keeps going on and on and on.

  3. people get so fixated on the lives of celebrities. we knew they were dumb before. we know they're still dumb now. i think the thing that gets people's panties in a wad is that they're dumb & rich while we all struggle along trying to make ends meet.

  4. I never figured out the whole Kardashian deal....who cares? Boring!

  5. I have to say that I just watched at kardashian front view and was hard to read the post, but keep it up mate

  6. That was damn funny! I'm thinking there is something fishy about that whole marriage. I think it was Jay Leno who said, "to their credit, they did go to marriange counseling for 20 minutes."

  7. This post consists of your finest sarcasm. Love it. Did Hugh really have a Playboy for Kids - and their dads?? You made that one up, right? I remember hearing about Friendster and thought it sounded stupid. Then it was gone.

  8. @Yeamie: I never fail to be amazed about the type of stuff people find mesmerizing. Men and women with families are getting their legs blown off while CNN fixates on the Dr. Murray trial, Lindsay Lohan's legal troubles, and who will replace Charlie Sheen.
    @Pat: Loved Caddyshack. Despised Caddyshack II. I will admit to laughing out loud the first time I saw the Energizer Bunny. 25 years or so ago.
    @Sherilin: Real people struggling to feed their kids while Hollywood dopes lead the news. Yep, frosts my nads. And few things are worse than frosty nads.
    @Eva: Exactly.
    @Orang3: Thanks!
    @Pat: Now THAT'S funny! Thanks!
    @Robyn: Sadly, the majority of those things were true. The Playboy thing wasn't, but it made me giggle. That, and the Wholly Moses! thing.
    @Mary A: The week of Veterans Day gets me like this. Just so you know, this Friday will be my first serious post.
    You'll get the next one, though. Stupidity is pretty easy to spot.

  9. A woman like that should never marry. What's left after the boob-novelty wears off?

  10. What the hell is a Kardashian, aren't they on Star Trek?

  11. @Gorilla: Droopy boobs in the shoes.
    @Tony: Those are the Cardassians. I even friggin' know that is uber sad. I'm amazed that I'm even married. To a lady.
    (Incidentally, it's also sad that I used the word "uber" in a sentence.)

  12. Excellent. I predict she'll be married 4 times by the time she's 30. Nov. 11th for sure!!

  13. That'll add up to less than a year.

  14. Why you be harshin' on Britney?
    Kiddo actually has no school for Armistice Day. The sad thing is that I don't know if they did it because it's a holiday or because it is the day after P/T conferences and they always have the day off afterward.
    Honeyman's grandpa was in the Battle of the Bulge.
    11/11 is a day no one should ever forget.

  15. Sea Monkey have been around for a long time, haven't they.

    And here I was hoping to see sweet, loveable, super fun Kimmy and her oh so smart hubby - what was his name again? - last long enough to keep those little Sea Monkeys company.

    Gosh darn, I'm just so (sniffle, sniffle) choked up over this tragic ending to such a deep and meaningful love match.

    I mean really, can't you just feel her pain. (oops, I think I feel the contents of my stomach coming up to voice its own opinion...long pause as I race to the toilet and barf...okay, I'm back...where was I...

    Yah, tragic...(losing such a good meal!)


  16. Good stuff bro, I can't wait til they reveal that the both of them are transsexuals in love with Chaz Bono. O_O

  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

  18. I think the reason the marriage failed is because Kim kept trying to smuggle basketballs out Noah style ......

  19. My dog's attention span lasts longer than their marriage. Good lord, Al, how did you even recall all that crap? I'm shocked you even know what half of it is all about. I ignore the media these days. Otherwise my head would implode under the weight of all that stupidity and melodrama. I have a thing about reality TV and I posted about just yesterday. Tell me what you think.

  20. Where did you dig up some of these. Joey Buttafuoco...You got a good memory. I remember all the laughs Saturday Night Live gave us on that event.

  21. @Ruth: That's because she never returns my calls. And has taken out a very inconvenient restraining order. That's very impressive about Honeyman's grandpa. I'm sure the Germans took everyone by surprise. "Whaddaya mean, it isn't over? Awwwwww, crap!!!!"
    @Jenny: We actually were sucked into buying those stupid damn Sea Monkeys. All we had looked like little swimming zits. Thank goodness the dog knocked the bowl over and dumped a village of brine shrimp all over the shag carpet.
    @dbs: Thanks! The whole media frenzy over these dopes is incredible.
    @King: Hahahahahaha

  22. @BL: At least those "basketballs" could keep her afloat.
    @dirty: Thanks! What wankers, eh?
    @Nancy: It's amazing the things you retain when you spend your adolescence cooped up indoors. I will head right to your blog as soon as I'm done "answering the mail."
    @Manzanita: The sound of the name just cracks me up-Buttafuoco.

  23. Good one.:)

    Meanwhile...a large asteroid passes earth...

  24. ExACTly.
    If it hit Detroit, I don't think anyone would have noticed, though.