|NOTE: NOT Toto.|
Well, Just What I Needed is okay, too. If you’re a chick.
Actually, this post is inspired by Dawn’s latest from Lighten Up! (NOTE: As of this writing, it’s still her latest. If it’s not, then you’ll just have to select “Older Post” to read it. Geez, do I have to do everything?).
Dawn told us about the time she owned a Ford Ranger pickup truck. You should check it out. After you read this, though. I don't want you to read Lighten Up! and never come back ("Golly, that Penwasser dude sucks!").
It made me think of all the cars I’ve owned before (NOTE: Willie Nelson's first choice for a song title. Google it to get the joke). Thinking that Dawn would care, I listed each one of them just in case someone showed up at her door, with a “Life of Al Penwasser” quiz in their hand.
Don’t laugh, it could happen. Yeah, and Chaz Bono could model skinny jeans on QVC. Okay, I get it. Probably nobody cares what cars I’ve owned.
Still, I thought my list of cars would stand on its own at Penwasser Place, the funniest thing this side of a prostate exam. At first, I was concerned that I was “piling on” (aka “ripping off”) Dawn’s idea. Then, I realized that, quite often, what we thought was original was actually inspired by something just as wonderful.
After all, we can thank an amusement park ride for Pirates of the Caribbean, the Civil War for Gone With the Wind, Goldie Hawn for Kate Hudson, and Happy Days for Joanie Loves Chachi.
Okay, so maybe it doesn’t work out all the time.
Anyway, I’ve listed them all here. Dawn: if you’d like to give this a pass since you’ve seen it before, I understand. Seriously, though, if you’ve gotten this far, you may as well finish. After all, I’ve included pictures (WARNING: One of them is of me with my shirt off, so you may not want to eat just yet. I’m just sayin’...).
|Looked much different upside-down |
in a North Carolina ditch
|Because nothing screams the 70s like knee socks, cut-off shorts, |
aviator sunglasses, blue sneakers, and a keffiyeh before it was
politically incorrect to wear one.
Oh, yeah. The car's behind me.
NOTE: Check out the chest and belly hair implants.
1980 Chevy Monza: What do you mean it's the same kind of car? No way. It was a different shade of brown. Mrs. Penwasser #1 (aka “Bug-Eyed Ugly Woman”) got it in the divorce settlement. The engine blew up six months after we split up. Karma (or should that be...CARma? I know, I crack myself up).
|This one really wasn't my fault, officer.|
|Hot blonde with blue eyes |
and big boobs extra.
|I think I'm the only idiot who bought a Ranger |
without an extended cab.
|My son hated the car so much he tried to eat it. |
Or maybe I should have fed him that morning.
|Yep, it was cool to be me.|
|Screw the planet. It had cruise control.|
2000 Nissan Quest: Another Japanese car! Another mini-van! We took this one to Iceland. It came back with us. We got a dog, too (these two events aren't related, either).
|It's still not paid for. Be kind.|
|Wait...are those boots under the right front tire?? Uh, oh.|
The next two are my kids' cars. Despite that, I still own them (the cars, not the kids).
2003 Nissan Sentra: The "ghetto sled", this car has well over a 100K miles on it. But, it runs like a top.
|That's what I'm talking about.|
Since I’m still relatively young (compared to the pyramids and Joan Rivers), I’m sure my car-buying days aren’t over. I’m confident that, before everything is said and done (and I’m eating nothing but soft foods), I’ll be updating this list.
Who knows? We may have flying cars by then.
I just hope there’s room for my new Snoopy “Joe Cool” air freshener.